Looking for help with family issues?

1. 57

   dornerposted 12 years ago

   Looking for help with family issues?
   
   I live in another state, and my mother is currently not taking her divorce with my father well. With very little family, her lack of motivation, and my father moving his new girlfriend to her hometown, what are some suggestions to begin the process of helping?

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2. 60

   Written Upposted 12 years ago

   Help her find friends nearby she can connect with.  If she doesn't have any, help her get involved in some activities that interest her and perhaps she can meet some like-minded friends.
   Does she have a home church?  Her church can also help act as her family.
   
   Sounds like a tough situation - I wish you and your family the best.

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3. 74

   Mom Katposted 12 years ago

   If she's like most mom's I know ~ the best way to get her mind off of her own issues is to get them on someone else's. 
   
   Look for worthy causes she could find interest in.  Helping others might just be the ticket to getting her motivation back.
   
   Is there anything you or the rest of the family could ask her help or advise on/with?
   
   When someone is going through heartache such as this, the last thing they want to hear is "get over it & get happy!" ~ she needs to come to terms with this matter in her own time.
   
   Are there any battered women's shelters near her, or groups where others are suffering? ~ as odd as it sounds, being by others who are also suffering is actually beneficial.  As she is helping them through their difficult times she will be able to cry with them, releasing some of her own sadness while still focusing on someone and something else.
   
   Just a suggestion & something to consider.  I'm sorry for your family's difficult trials & I wish you all the best.  Trust that she will find her way & send her all of the love and support you can from where you are.

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4. 60

   Dee aka Nonnaposted 12 years ago

   This truly is a tough one.  I do agree with Written up....helping and encouraging her to find a way to meet new people.....volunteering for a local organization is a great way to meet new friends.  If she likes to read....join or start a book club or join a local community theather group.  You don't say how old she is but many groups of people 50 and over have travel groups they participate with.  Take a dance class.  Vounteer at the hospital or school or community center.
   
   Good Luck!

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5. 91

   btrbellposted 12 years ago

   I can see you are already supportive so that takes care of the most important thing you can do for her. I would recommend counselling and/or support groups. Good luck! She's lucky to have you!

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6. 66

   Rosana Modugnoposted 12 years ago

   Divorce is extremely stressful and with a new girlfriend involved, it can get pretty bad.  I've been through it, so I can tell you that everyone deals with it differently and personally.  It is like a death of a loved one, a death of something familiar and end.  There aren't words to tell her to make her feel better but I found that talking to people in my same experience helped me.
   
   Hopefully she has an attorney who is helpful, who can guide her means a lot.  Having stable financial footing means a lot right now.  She has to feel secure and she probably doesn't.
   
   You're a good son to be as supportive as you are, so that's a huge deal.  But she should look into finding divorce groups, talk to women who are also going through it, check online for her.  If she's online, she should get educated on her divorce, make sure she gets all she is entitled to in her state.  That fueled me for a while and believe it or not, helped because it made me feel as though I was in control, so all that anger was directed into my case.
   
   Exercise, can't say enough about that.  It does work miracles.  Just walking put me in another mind set and physically helped me feel better.
   
   I'd tell her to surround herself with friends who are going through the same thing even if it's only online.
   
   I'm sure she has a hobby, have her focus more on that and deter her from drinking or taking anything to "calm your nerves".  Mistake.  Alcohol is a depressant and that's the last thing she needs.
   
   Also...another great thing to do is to do something for someone else.  Volunteer at a children's hospital or vet hospital.  Sometimes giving outside, helps you on the inside.

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7. 60

   fpherj48posted 12 years ago

   What a sweet and loving son you are.  I'm sure that your concern for your Mother is a comfort to her.  Being separated from her by miles, can make this more difficult for both of you.  Shall I assume none of her children (if there are more) live in close proximity?   
   Not knowing your Mom, also makes it difficult for complete strangers to pass on valuable advice to try to help...but...In general, keeping in touch with Mom is a good start.  If she is willing to take suggestions from you and also would welcome some therapy, you may want to help her find a good therapist in her area, or, even better, a self-help group she can join.   These are found everywhere and can be very helpful, once someone becomes involved and comfortable.
   Just one more thing.  I see you live in Las Vegas.  How feasible would it be to invite Mom to come and stay with you for awhile....to get away from it all, relax, have a bit of social fun? This can help her arise from the slump she's in.  If this could be arranged, please seriously think about doing it.

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