Do you allow your children to take their own decisions?

1. 93

   ChitrangadaSharanposted 11 years ago

   Do you allow your children to take their own decisions?
   
   What in your opinion is the right age, when the children should be encouraged to take their decisions?

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   DDEposted 11 years ago

   I allowed my son to make his own decisions from his teen years and when I knew he is responsible to do so

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      ChitrangadaSharanposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks DDE, for your response to the question. Parents are the best persons to understand their child's mind.

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   LongTimeMotherposted 11 years ago

   I encouraged my toddlers to decide which shirt they would like to wear, which shoes etc. This generally meant giving them a choice of the two items I was holding. The importance of their decisions increased with their age - but I never let go of the right to make the 'final' decision if necessary until they were adults and moved out of home.

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      ChitrangadaSharanposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks LongTimeMother, for your response. You are right, it should be done gradually, till they grow up.

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   Moms-Secretposted 11 years ago

   My daughter is 10 and I have been training her for many years on decision making.  Yes, she is allowed to make her own decisions on certain things already.  She has been since she was a toddler.  What better way to show that she can't have it all then to give her the choice between two things?  Some of her decisions were not good decisions so that I can allow her to learn about consequences as well.  (Bonus - These instances were also used to reinforce that she has my love and loyalty no matter what decisions she makes.)  For example, she is a procrastinator and I let her leave her project til the last minute.  She then felt the affects of last minute work: pressure, panic, and fear of getting a bad grade.  Now, she objects less to my suggestions of doing a little work at a time. 
   
   She is too young to make life decisions, of coarse, but she understands that there are consequences, both good and bad, to every choice and she thinks and that bad choices do not have to define her.  I believe it will make life easier for her.

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      ChitrangadaSharanposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Moms-Secret, for your answer. Very well said.

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   Ericdierkerposted 11 years ago

   Wow! I never ever even thought to look at it this way. I guess I just do not play that roll. My children were/are not given an option on daily matters. When they are in my presence they have to make the decisions for themselves. As  soon as they can handle a certain action then they must do it for themselves. I admit that sometimes they look and act like children -- duh. It seems that this fortifies their obedience when I take choices away like, fire, streets, hygiene, and obeying their mother. Thanks for a great question it makes me think.

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      ChitrangadaSharanposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Ericdierker, for your answer. In my opinion,  It is an important part of parenting to teach children to take decisions and be responsible for the same, lest they become too much dependent and that might even lead to lack of self confidence.

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   cjpooja26posted 11 years ago

   Yes giving freedom to take their decisions on their own is good but it will be even better if they decide after discussing it with parents.

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      ChitrangadaSharanposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks cjpooja, for the response. Yes, you are right, parents guidance is a must, even when the children have grown up. At the same time becoming too much protective of their children might affect their self development.

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   duffsmomposted 11 years ago

   We started young in teaching our kids to make decisions and we increased it when it was age appropriate.
   
   Simple decisions can be made once they understand that their decisions have consequences.  You choose not to wear a coat, you might be cold, those kinds of simple things.  Start young with simple things and increase with age.

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      ChitrangadaSharanposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks duffsmom, for sharing your opinion. I agree with you.

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   peachpurpleposted 11 years ago

   Yes, we allow our kids to make their decision such as which color they like, what to eat for dinner and whether or not to go out. At first, they would say "don't know" or "anything" but soon, they know what they want.

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      ChitrangadaSharanposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks peachpurple, for answering the question. I appreciate your views.

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   cat on a soapboxposted 11 years ago

   I've always believed that children need to earn their privileges. I started letting my daughter make small decisions when she started pre-school. She could choose activities and toys and what she wanted for lunch. As she got older, the choices grew with her. I found that kids behave better when they outline the rules, as long as they fit parental parameters. I used this w/ my Girl Scouts when we planned trips and outings, and it was quite effective. I think the most important thing is understanding the ramifications of the decisions and owning the outcome whether good or bad. This is how children learn.

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      ChitrangadaSharanposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks cat on a soapbox, for answering the question. I agree with your views completely.  Very well said.

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    Elderberry Artsposted 11 years ago

    I allow my children to make their own decisions where it is appropriate and they have a say in some family decisions as well such as meal planning for the week, holidays, celebration plans etc. From when they were very small I have encouraged them to make their own choices stating small such as what clothes to wear or choosing their own food in a restaurant. My 6 year old is able to confidently make a purchase in a shop and also order drinks and food for himself if we eat out for example. Sometimes I get negative reactions from people, especially if he takes a little longer than normal but I feel it is important that children's own views are taken into account and adults do not speak for them too much. That way they can grow up with these skills rather than us expecting them to suddenly start doing so at some later point, maybe when they are 16 or 18.

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       ChitrangadaSharanposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Thanks Elderberry Arts, for answering the question and giving your views. I agree with you, gradually children should be encouraged to take decisions, so that they grow up into confidant individuals. Thanks again.

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