Calling all parents and teachers: What is your method of teaching kids consequences?
Communication between teacher and parents is always good for the student and this method if continued will bring confidence in them. For more details about the matter,if interested, you may go through my hub 'HOW TO BECOME A GOOD TEACHER' and I am hopeful this would help you some extent in knowing about the method of teaching etc .
I believe in communication with the child. Children are listening, they hear you, they are being shaped at a very young age. They may not understand completely at first, but explain the concept of consequences to them over and over it will stay with them as they grow up. I know this from experience with myself and my child.As an adult I can remember many things that my parents taught me, things seem to come back to you when you need them to. I believe it goes back to train up a child in the way they should go and they will come back to it at some point in their life. So I feel that teaching about consequences is about pointing out cause and effect. Here is the cause and here is the effect, experience is the best teacher.
What is the use in today's world the teachers who can teach are not many and parents get students answers over bribe money and good schools get along as they admit only the best boys.This is in India.
Sticking with the ones I promised to dole out so they could feel them:)
As a parent I know learning starts at home and when a child gets to school it is part of the teacher's job do to perform his or her part which I am afraid is rare in the time of today.
Teaching the kids that telling lies, stealing and bad behavior could lead to punishment and lots of scolding are my methods of getting them into their head. Kids learn to imitate friends and adults easily. They are like plain paper waiting to be soak with ink. Hence, the parents and teacher roles are important to get them to the right track.
My kids are little and our method of teaching consequences is probably overly simplistic because I don't need to be complex yet I do not shield them from consequences. If one throws his toys out of his bed, he will have to sleep without them that night. It doesn't take very many nights for him to catch on. If the other chooses to goof off instead of eat the dinner in front of her, she will go hungry for a night. There are good consequences they learn too. When they share, they get praise. When they take good naps, they get to do fun stuff later in the evenings.
I think the tendency for parents, however, is to "protect" their kids from the hard consequences. It is natural for us to want our kids to always be happy, but I'm not sure this teaches them to be mature and responsible.
We do discipline in the same way. I mean, we try to make the punishment fit the crime. If my daughter takes a toy from my son, she will not be able to play with toys for a little while. If one of them spills something or breaks something, they have to help in the clean-up/fix up process. It's a really good question.
Kids need to "own their actions." Communication is very important so that children clearly understand the rules. If a child breaks the rule, he needs to take responsibility for that action and pay the consequences. We, as parents, need to avoid getting angry and calmly enforce the consequences. When we get mad the focus shifts back to us and gives our kids a scapegoat. It is important to start as soon as children are old enough to understand cause and effect.
Children observe their parents and teachers very keenly. So setting good and ideal examples before them is very important. Practice what you preach. My children are all grown up now, but I remember teaching them by giving practical examples from everyday happenings, with which they could relate to.
It is however not advisable to always be protective of the kids. As unless they are allowed to make certain decisions, even if they commit some mistakes, they would not learn and will be too much dependent.
Good decisions come from experience and experience comes from a bad decision.
I believe the best way to teach kids consequences is experience, and then discussing that experience with them. For instance lets say you have a child who consistently doesn't share with other children and eventually the other children stop sharing with this child. Most adults are quick to scold both parties for not sharing when in actuallity there is a lesson to be learned here. You could explain to the child who initially didn't want to share their toys that the fact that he/she refused to share with others resulted in others not sharing with them. Kindly suggest that maybe if he/she started sharing maybe the other children would share with them. Most of the time children are very logical, more logical than some adults, it's just that sometimes they need a parent or teacher to connect the dots.
Consistency I think is key. A lot of parents say one thing and do another or they don't follow through with consequences. I think down the road this leads to a rude awakening for the child.
I also think some schools need to do a better job of preparing kids for advanced grades. They say things like "no homework and you'll get a bad grade" - but then let them turn things in late. Kids then learn well my actions don't really have consequences I can just make an excuse and get out of it.
My sons schools/teachers are all wonderful - we've been truly blessed, but my one beef with them was they would let things slide. Once my son went into advanced classes in Jr. High, he was not prepared for the "no excuses" and "no nonsense" approach they take and he has struggled a bit. He's a very disorganized person at times - lol, and that causes problems because his teachers do not tolerate not having what you need at the beginning of class and they take off points etc. Had they enforced similar policies in 5th and 6th grades, these kids wouldn't be struggling so much.
We have had to really work with him and help him understand that from here on out people aren't going to coddle you in life. If you are in advanced classes it's because more is expected of you not less.
Overall, we trust our kids. We set clear, defined boundaries and I think that helps them better understand consequences. We aren't total dictators of course , but we have limits and they are known - no surprises. If you mess up you lose a game/tv etc. If you do what's expected of you, then you get rewards.
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