How can I deal with what seems like the weight of the world on my shoulders?

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   Eazy_Eposted 11 years ago

   How can I deal with what seems like the weight of the world on my shoulders?
   
   My family has been through a lot this passed year. My fiancé's father suffered a series of strokes, our house caught on fire and I lost my job. In the meantime, the two in-laws constantly fight because they are both bipolar and my father- in - law to be is understandably suicidal. This is worsened by his wife disappearing because of the frustration from his verbal assaults and leaving me with his two daughters who he shuts out and says he hates because they won't let him die. It hurts me to hear him say that to them. I know he doesn't mean it. But I'm the only one to watch over them.

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   Dave36posted 11 years ago

   Hey buddy sounds like your having a tough time of it lately, but you've got to stay positive..If you know he doesn't mean what he says, then don't let it bother you..Explain to his daughters why he's saying these things to them, & that's probably because he's feeling sorry for himself..He's been through a tough time himself by the sounds of it, & he can't help himself so he's lashing out at who ever is near..If your the only one who can look after his daughters, then do it & be proud of yourself for doing it, & don't ever blame them..Your being tested here buddy & in a "big" way by the sounds of it, so you have to stay positive & strong (be fair but firm)..I wouldn't give him sympathy as that uses up your energy, but you can give him positive help/advice if he asks for it..It's hard to say without knowing him or you etc, & this is only general advice that could help, & there are some great people on here that will give you solid advice as well..Let me put it another way "what's done is done & can't be changed", so do you dwell?, no of course not as there's an answer to everything..You've asked the question so your going to find an answer soon, so as we say in the UK it's "stiff upper lip time", & you have to be strong for all your family..No matter who's arguing etc you stay positive, & before you know it things will be fine..Your father in law is very very unmotivated at the moment, & that's what he needs to find (motivation)..Now he won't admit that or start considering what could/would motivate him, so see if you can find something for him to get motivated..It's really hard to explain without writing a book on the subject, but if you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, then unload it now..Your'l still have all the problems, but instead of getting angry annoyed upset etc don't..So basically what ever feelings are getting at you now, you need more practice controlling..It doesn't do you any good at all being or feeling negative, so always stay positive..Easier said than done i know buddy, but it can be done..Hey it's hard buddy i know, but your'l be a better man for it..It's things like this that make a man a real man, so good luck & if you want a few links/vids etc to help you with your emotions/feelings etc, (utube: Eckhart Tolle emotions/feelings control)..Also if you want inspiring (utube: Joe Rogan & watch his podcasts on life).

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      Shelly Elliottposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Eckhart Tolle is great! The Good Earth helped me a lot. The most profound book in my life is "Way of the Peaceful Warrior".  Also The Book of Secrets by Chopra- Go Deepak! and try the Tao and Yoga helps too.

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      Dave36posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      The advice he gives is great advice, & i will admit it took me a long time to finally understand the ego mind stuff..I thought I'd got it many times before i actually did get it, the practice is vital in my opinion before our mind shifts to accep

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      Eazy_Eposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I have actually read the Way of the Peaceful Warrior. Was fantastic. I think a lot of it is my level of fatigue. I try to find time for myself. But when his wife disappears I get no sleep because he tries to physically hurt himself. It's been better

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      Dave36posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      A person could read something a 1000 times, & get it intellectually buddy..Until a person does the practice, & then shares what he/she's learn't, there won't be a realisation moment in your mind..So practice often, until your mind shifts.

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      Shelly Elliottposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Well I'm not gymnast more of the Socrates kinda stuff! It is not easy and I feel ya, but you are never alone

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   sassypieholeposted 11 years ago

   Sounds like a lot, sorry to hear. I agree with Dave36 on the Eckhart Tolle  suggestion. You might want to pick up a copy of "The Power of Now" and give it to your wife (and yourself). I read it a while back, and it helped me. It's all about "living in the moment" and "accepting what is." We can't change anybody; we can only alter our own behavior and how we view things. Happiness is a choice, sounds like her father is choosing not to be. Just worry about yourself and help your wife learn how to accept, and/or distance herself from, her father. ;-)
   
   This too shall pass.

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   Cristaleposted 11 years ago

   Sorry to hear that there is so much going on for you. When life gets tough for me, I take a long hot shower followed by a favorite meal. This gives me some alone time to reflect on my life, clear my head to find answers, and to pamper myself. Afterward, I feel more hopeful, optimistic, and even happier. I hope this helps!

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   duffsmomposted 11 years ago

   Unfortunately, you cannot fix or change other people. You can only change or affect your own emotions. And I am going to take a different approach and tell you that this will be your life if you stay in this family.
   
   They will not change and the drama will continue and the question you need to ask yourself is:  Is this what I want for the rest of my life, constant drama and upheaval because that is exactly what will be your fate remaining within this dysfunctional environment.

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      Eazy_Eposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I see what you are saying. But I love my fiancé. Through and through. And I want to do everything in my power to make her happy. Thanks for the concern though.

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      Dave36posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      If you become the positive shining light, it may/should rub off on the others..They'l see the change in you, & then they'l want a piece themselves.Just make sure that you do do everything in your power, it won't happen over night, but it will hap

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   dailytop10posted 11 years ago

   Seek help from a professional. Be patient my friend. Nothing is permanent in this world and that includes the bad times. Surpass this and good times will eventually come. Just remain supportive and don't let your father-in-law feel that he is a burden. Love and support are two things he really need during these hard times.

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   DeepThought258238posted 11 years ago

   Sorry to hear that you are going thru some very tough times. No doubt you probably dealing with pain and sadness on a regular basis. We are living in "perilous times of great stress and trouble". - 2Timothy 3:1
   
   You know the bible has very practical advise on how to cope and manage the stress you are dealing with. Joshua 1:8,9 highlights the benefits of reading God's word the bible - "This book of the Law should not depart of from your mouth, and you must read it in an undertone day and night, in order to observe carefully all that is written in it; for then your way will be successful and then you will act wisely. Have I not commanded you? Be courageous and strong. Do not be struck with terror or fear, for Jehovah your God is with you wherever you go."
   
   Yes, reading God's word can give you the strength to carry on, the wisdom on how to confront problems successfully, but it has to be done on a regular basis. Jesus stated in Matthew 11:28-30 - "Come to me all of you who are overworked and overburdened, and I will give you rest."
   
   Some other practical suggestions the bible gives on dealing with stress is communication. Especially when it comes to praying, that can help immensely. Philippians 4:6,7 states "Do not be anxious over anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication along with thanksgiving, let your petitions be made known to God; and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your mental powers by means of Christ Jesus." By means of prayer you can gain that inner peace you need to keep carrying on.
   
   Here are some other practical solutions -● Don’t expect perfection of yourself or others.—Ecclesiastes 7:16.
   ● Set appropriate priorities.—Philippians 1:10, 11.
   ● Get regular exercise.—1 Timothy 4:8.
   ● Enjoy Jehovah’s creation.—Psalm 92:4, 5.
   ● Make some quiet time regularly.—Matthew 14:23.
   ● Get sufficient relaxation and sleep.—Ecclesiastes 4:6.
   
   Will suffering ever end? Visit www.jw.org to find out

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   Shelly Elliottposted 11 years ago

   First of all you are doing what is right. The weight of the world is on a lot of peoples shoulders. It seems human suffering is necessary for others to learn compassion. I noticed you mention some type of mental "illness" ie: bi-polar, suicide... It is difficult for anyone to reach out for professional help because most of us flight not fight in a stressful situation. When we can afford to "talk" to someone, who is going to label us and give you drugs to numb the pain it makes a person feel less human. My father passed away suddenly of a heart attack this year and I was his next of kin. I have a teenage son who I love more than myself and would do anything to make sure he is cared for. You seem to be in this position for a reason, because you are strong and those girls need you. As a women who takes a lot of verbal assault from men when they don't get their way, I feel the pain as well. I hope you and your fiance come through this phase and you can still see the light. When someone is dying they are afraid and most people have a hard time expressing themselves in this regard. It is scary and when or if he does pass away maybe the girls will feel sad that they didn't just let him die. Never give up if you love this women, it is just a part of growing up? My question, what about your parents? Focus on their happiness? Good luck and so sorry about the house fire, it happened to my brother and his 4 kids the same day I had a miscarriage. My mom suffered because of problems that were out of her control. I hate to say it but everything happens so we can learn. Money and materials are not they way, be there for your relationships because once a person dies their will never be another chance to say goodbye.

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