What are the MAIN sources of contention that parents have with their OLDEST children?
I think it is to do well in school by setting an example for siblings, being responsible to others including siblings, and having a good attitude about personal and life events.
(1) Expecting their children to be as adult-like as early as possible. Oldest children are pressured to be adults at early ages. They must be mature beyond their chronological years . They've to be the MATURE ONES in the family.
(2) Pressuring their children to be perfect or as near perfect as possible. Oldest children don't receive any quarter when they make mistakes or fall short of the mark. They aren't forgiven when they make mistakes. They're told that they should know better since they're the oldest.
(3) Being the example to their younger siblings. Oldest children must be the example setters. After all, it's reasoned that all eyes are upon.....them. They really can't be true individuals. They've to present that image which siblings can emulate.
(4) Being responsible. Oldest children must be responsible at an early age. Childhood? No not for you(imitating the Soup Master on Seinfeld)! Oldest children DON'T have a childhood. Their childhood is filled w/responsibilities. They're giving most of the responsibilities of the family. In some families, they are THE PARENTS instead of the actual parents. To paraphrase the song in Annie, it's a hard knock life, it's a hard knock life!
(5) Being expected to put needs last. Oldest children are expected to be for everyone else. It isn't unusual for oldest children to be on 24/7/365. Yep, oldest children's purpose are to be in service to their parents & siblings. Oldest children have no individual lives of their own. They're even admonished if they assert their needs. Remember, the story of Cinderella, well that's the life of many oldest children!
(6) Expected to be rough & tough, being strong & not needing anyone. Oldest children are hugged less than the other children in the family. They're deemed not to need affection as they are "big boys" &/or "big girls". If they express the need for affection, they're told to stop acting babyish & GROW UP!!!
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