Should I have a baby with my gay best friend?
I can't say I have had much luck in the dating pool and honestly I have met the person that would ultimately make the best father for my child. He is my best friend, an amazing person, has the same values as me, and understands me better than anyone; the only thing is, he's gay. I know I love him, and he loves me, so it makes sense that since we both want a baby, we should have one together, right? I'm just looking for a little feedback.
While the decision is ultimately yours I will provide only food for thought. First this is a website so be prepared for possible idiots.
According to your profile you are still in college, so I will assume you mean have a baby after your college is done. Things to think about. How will you explain this to the child later on? Why are you in a rush to have a child? How will you feel if you meet someone later and have to explain the relationship with this "gay" friend? How will he feel explaining it to future partners? How will you decide who provides what? Daycare, health insurance, diapers? Will he sleep at your home in the first few months to wake up with you and care for the child? Will he be there to relieve you from the stress? Are your feelings purly platonic or are you setting the friendship up for failure with possibly more than platonic feelings?
With all that said, there usually isn't a reason to jump into having a child. Think every little possibility through, and when you think you are done thinking, think some more! Children are a wonderful part of life, but a child deserves two active parents. Your odds of getting that are exactly the same with him IF you are both willing to communicate and do your parts to raise the child.
Taylor.....ask for feedback and you shall receive. My very first thought after reading this question is that I would suggest to you that being so young now, you would do well to give yourself more time. More time not only to think deeply & analyze, but also to establish yourself in the job market, set up housekeeping in a comfortable environment and it is never too early to research good child care (since I'm assuming you'll be working full time)
Babies are everything sweet and wonderful.....and also expensive. This is one of the simple unavoidable facts.
To be honest with you Taylor, you might want to be more concerned with the practicality and permanence of a child, than you seem to be about choosing your dear friend as the father.
As you describe him, and the close relationship you have, I'd say the decision to procreate is a very personal and private decision between the 2 of you.
As for further advice......You might want to read peeples response over a few times. She has suggested some EXCELLENT questions you need to ask yourself....and seriously focus on the answers.
Best of luck to you...
Thanks guys that was awesome. And yes I'm definitely planning on waiting until after school. We want to move to the city together while I get my master's degree. He really just is my best friend. Thanks again for your answers and thoughts!
I would definitely say wait until you're done school (Masters degree included) regardless of who you want to father your children. Who knows, you may have found a wonderful man by then who you would like to start a family with. And if not, and you still want your gay best friend to be the father even after some more years and dating experiences, then I think that's just fine too. As long as it's what you both want!
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