I'm a big believer in natural consequences where appropriate.
If the situation requires intervention on my part then I usually just use distraction and explain why she can't do whatever it is I'm telling her to stop doing. For example, if she's upset that she can't do something and starts hitting me, then I will hold her hands gently and tell her that we don't hit, it hurts mommy, etc. Then offer her something else to do.
I don't agree with physical punishment and I think there has been plenty of research to suggest that it's simply not an effective form of discipline.
I'm not a fan of timeout for my daughter at this age (she's only 2.5). I don't think it's really age appropriate and I prefer to stay with her and help her work through her emotions as opposed to sending her off to a corner by herself (though I do still remove her from the situation; ie. if she's playing with her friends and is being rough after I warn her not to be, I'll take her away from playing so she knows that that behaviour results in not being able to have fun with her friends until she calms down).
I've noticed that so far she responds best to natural consequences, like if she doesn't want to put her mittens on when it's cold out then I'll say "okay, let's try walking without the mittens." She then realizes that her fingers get really cold and uncomfortable. When she starts complaining that her fingers are cold, I acknowledge it and say "Yes, your fingers get cold without mittens. Would you like to put them on now?" And she says yes and is happy to put her mittens on from that point on. I'm sure there are children who don't respond to that - but mine does, so that's the best form of discipline for us.
I don't think there's any 'one size fits all' method as children are individuals and will naturally respond more to different approaches. I think the key is to keep in mind that the goal of discipline is to *teach* your child. Ask yourself if your kid is actually going to learn something substantial from the way you're disciplining them. In the case of spanking/hitting, I don't think you're teaching a child anything about the actual situation, just that they should be afraid of pissing you off.
I personally think spanking is the best punishment. I was spanked as a child as was my brother. It didn't take us too long to realize that breaking the rules or being naughty in general resulted in a spanking. And we behaved much better to avoid it. I'm an adult now and unlike many of my old friends I've never been in jail, I've never been in a fight, never abused my wife, etc. I've held a full time job for years and provide for my family, live a good lifestyle, and have a good savings account. Both my parents spanked me from a young age. According to studies I should have a poor vocabulary, externalize my feelings (mostly in the form of aggression and abuse), and have numerous legal problems. But I don't, neither does my wife who grew up in worse conditions than myself. Yet I look at today's youth who seem to feel they can do whatever the please at any given time and get away with it and I wonder how they would have turned out of that had been born a generation earlier when spanking was acceptable. If you ask me, this current "no physical punish, just timeouts and talking to your kids" type punishment system is doing nothing but driving society into a self-entitled apocalypse. At this point in my life, I do not plan on procreating because I will not raise a child in a society that demonizes a punishment system that has worked for generations yet embellishes a punishment system that has yet to result in much more than a bunch of little brats expecting their parents to pay for their college tuition and their degrees to make them 6 figure salaries after they spent their college years doing nothing but partying at their frat houses while they barely passed their classes. I'm sorry if I seem "stuck in my ways" but I grew up with a mixture of spanked children and non-spanked children and it was rare that the non-spanked children got past 20 without being incarcerated (one of my best friends went to jail twice for dealing drugs) while most of the spanked children have made lives for themselves. The only exception to the non-spanked that I know of it my cousin. He failed out of college after spending his entire time partying, destroyed his truck, and eventually found a steady relationship and job after everything fell apart for him. He owes a considerable amount on student loans but he's getting himself in line, although he's the same age as me and I had my life together years before he did (and I was the spanked one).
spanking is not the solution, scolding yes. When i spanked by boy when he was 2-3 yrs old, he got worst. No manners, keep rebuking me
by Wendy Iturrizaga 6 years ago
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by Audrey Hunt 5 years ago
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