Do you know someone who is prejudice of larger families?
Why do some people have an ignorant belief that moms of large families cannot be the same as moms with one or 2?
Moms of large/very large famililes AREN'T THE SAME as moms of small families. To surmise such isn't logical. Moms of large/very large families don't give their children attention- they delegate the raising of their children to their oldest/older ones. Moms of large/very large families are too overwhelmed to effectively parent children themselves. They simply have children & give them to the oldest/older children to parent. That's par for the course in large/very large families.
In large/very large families, children aren't raised by their parents. They are raised by each other. Moms of large/very large families are nominal mothers only. They are physical mothers i.e. they conceive & give birth but aren't involved in daily interactions w/their children. It is the oldest/older children who are the TRUE PARENTS of the household. Moms of large/very large families are distant & uninvolved in the lives of their children. Children in large/very large families learn to sink or swim very early in life.
Whatever such children learn, they had to teach themselves. Their parents aren't around to teach them. One can describe children in large/very large families as feral. Everything they do, they must do on their own.
Moms of small families are THE TRUE MOMS. They are there for their children. They love, encourage, & nurture their children to reach their potential. They also spend TIME w/their children. They RAISE their children.
Moms of small families make SACRIFICES so that their children can lead a better life. They plan & strategize for their children. They CARE for their children. They believe that being a mother is far beyond conceiving & giving birth. They are INVOLVED in the lives of their children.
To say that moms of large/very large families & moms are of small families are the same is quite laughable. They are as dichotomously different. The first type of mother could care less about the welfare of her children while the second mother CARES DEEPLY about her children's welfare & will do anything to ensure the welfare of her children. Moms of large/very large families are infantile-it is their premise that children exist for them while it is the other way around for mothers of small families. Moms of large/very large families dehumanize, even objectify their children-moms of small families love & cherish their children. Moms of large/very large families DON'T care about their children beyond conceiving & physically giving birth to them. That is reality. I have seen children in large/very large families who RAISED themselves. Children from large/very large families DON'T have a bond w/their moms the way children from small families DO.
I have a friend who is in her late twenties and has 8 kids and counting. She lives in Texas now, but back when we both lived in NorCal, she only had 5. When they were small, she would get lots of stares and people would ask her constantly, "Are you mormon?" For the most part, though, being that for most of my adult life I have been involved in a Christian community, I have found that most believers are very accepting of large families because many people of faith view children as blessings from God. I personally have three kids, and people in public are constantly saying, "Wow, you have your hands full." I always think, "Three is not that much! I would love more!"
People are justifying alarmed at mother of large/very large families. It's unfair to children for they AREN'T going to get the needed attention. Oldest/older children ARE THE PARENTS. 1-2, perhaps 3 or 4 children IS ENOUGH to raise effectively!
children are blessings and I'm sure her children feel blessed too
Yes, children are BLESSINGS but that doesn't mean that you have a conglomerate of children. Children need love & individualized attention, esp. oldest/older children. They shouldn't spend their formative years PARENTING siblings!
I just don't get why you think the older ones must spend ALL their hours taking care of their younger siblings. In the families I know, the older ones help out as they mature but they are still allowed to have active, fun and fulfilling kid lives.
NO THEY DON'T. IT'S the PARENT'S JOB to raise the children, NOT THE OLDEST SIBLING. WORD: If a parent can't raise the children, h/she SHOULDN'T have had those children in the first place. Children AREN'T parents. DON'T have what you CAN'T raise alone
Grace, I can see you feel very strongly about your position, passionate, even. It's a good thing there are differences of opinion in the world. It would be a boring place if not!
People aren't prejudiced against large/very large families.(6 & more children per family). They're concerned about the welfare & outcome of such precious children.They know that such children are born w/distinct disadvantages.They realize that such children must raise, fend, &/or support themselves &/or each other.They know that economic impoverishment & penury will be constant companions to such children. They see how such children'll experience poor nutrition &little or no medical care. Many children in large/very large families go to bed hungry because they don't have enough to eat. If it weren't for schools having free breakfast & lunch programs & medical care, many children from large/very large families would never receive nutritious food & medical care.
They see how children from large/very large families oftentimes must receive some type of outside assistance & help because there's not enough money to support enough for the rudiments & necessities, if that. Typical large/very large families must depend upon some type of outside help & support via more affluent relatives, charitable/religious organizations, & even the government.Typical large/very large families receive such outside help in order to remain economically afloat & not to fall further through the economic cracks.
They're incensed at mothers of large/very large families as the latter elect to continuously have children although they can't afford to support such children emotionally, financially, psychologically, & even psychically.They see such mothers as having children to fulfill some type of void in their lives which can be more constructively fulfilled by obtaining an outside job & cultivating outside interests.They know that such mothers do not really raise their children at all but force oldest/older children to parent younger siblings. It's common in large/very large families for oldest/older children to be parentified being the unsung parent to their younger siblings instead of enjoying their formative childhood & adolescent years.They're further incensed at the fact that such children have to work in childhood to supplement the meager family income & older children even dropping out of school in order to work to support their families.They contend that mothers of large/very large families can't give individualized attention to each child. Some children will be cast aside, even ignored while others receive attention. People're PREJUDICED against mothers w/only 1 child.
Well spoken from an extreme prejudice point of view,I suppose you think all black people are in gangs Jewish people are cheap and All people that don't go to church should burn.people like you make me glad I am not like that.
This is not prejudice at all. This is a logical conclusion, large/very large families are detrimental to children. Some won't receive the needed attention, are cast aside, even discarded. Oldest/older children MUST raise younger siblings.
You have a few good points but I feel like you are generalizing the whole of mothers with many kids. Exactly what do you have against older siblings stepping up and helping with the younger kids? What better way to teach them responsibility and love?
I feel that if the mother has the children SHE should raise them. It's not the oldest child's responsibility to raise children h/she DIDN'T have. Children should be children, not adults. It's child abuse to have oldest children PARENT'RAISE siblings!
Agree to disagree? I have three kids and I want them to be compassionate adults someday who know how to take care of children. They do chores, they have responsibilities, and my oldest helps me with my youngest sometimes AND still gets to be a kid.
Why should your oldest help you with YOUR child? YOUR child is YOUR responsibility, not your oldest. If you cannot handle raising children by yourself, then DON['T have them. Children shouldn't raise children. That is YOUR job as a parent.
My kids will grow up understanding what it's like to help out with chores, making dinner, and YES, even helping out with their siblings. My children don't RAISE each other, they HELP out. It's what families do.
all moms are the same, regardless of the number of kids, it is just how she educate them, like a flock of sheep or nurture them like the penguins
All moms AREN'T alike. Mothers can devote more attention to a smaller number of children than they can a larger number. Mothers of large/very large families can't give individualized attention to each child. That's common sense.
I think it depends on the behavior of children. When a child is stubborn and obtrusive it is very difficult, even if he was alone. Let alone if there were 4 or 5 children on this form. Should we care about our children, whatever the circumstances. Sometimes we impose conditions and the life things difficult.But we must try to live with it.
There is a presumption, though wrong, that only the stupid or religious extremists have large families, and therefore are bad parents.
There is also the mistaken belief that you cannot be a good parent when your attention is divided among "too many" children.
I agree that providing proper supervision to 10+ kids is essentially impossible, but in a world where you don't have to spend your time on back breaking housework or work outside the home, yes, parents have adequate time and attention to give to three to six children if there's sufficient age gap.
It is not presumptive. Parents of large families are less educated, even less intelligent & socioeconomically poorer than parents who have small families. They do not possess the intelligence to practice family planning. They also have a backward mindset & outlook in life, believing in leaving everything to chance. They are passive in terms of life.
Parents of large families are more distant towards their children & less involved, even uninvolved in their children's lives. They don't care about their children after they are born, they are in love with the act of procreating children as some sort of ego fulfillment They don't care about the negative ramifications of their actions upon their family structure. They are emotionally, mentally, & psychologically immature. If they weren't these components, they would, like intelligent people, have the number of children they could properly raise w/o enforcing their oldest/older children to parent/raise them. In large families, oldest/older children are THE REAL parents of the family, not the parents. Ask any oldest/older child? THEY will TELL you who is the REAL PARENT of the family IS-THEM!
My late cousin had 5 kids and they were all educated and well-loved. Everyone got lots of love and attention. No one was neglected. It sounds like someone on this thread doesn't like people that have larger families. It cannot be denied that some larger families don't fare out well and I know a few of them. One of my longtime friends also has 5 kids and is close to my age. None of her kids suffered or were malnourished. Unless you know a great number of large families personally like I do, I would not make any assumptions or form opinions on their well-being.
5 kids can be classified as medium large. One can say that 5 kids are the periphery of large. Although sociologists consider 5 kids to be a large family, I don't think so. To me, large families are 6-7 kids per household w/married parents & very large families are 8 more kids per household w/married parents. By the way, welcome to HubPages,Kimba.
There are DIFFERENCES between mothers of large/very large families & mothers of small/medium families:
(1) Mothers of small(1-2 children per household) & medium(3-4 children per household) families plan for their children. They have the amount of children they can afford physically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically, & socioeconomically. They know that children need more than the bare rudiments to survive, they need myriad opportunities for cultural & intellectual stimulation. They also know that children must have socioeconomic opportunities to thrive.
(2) Mothers of small & medium families believe that the importance of parental love, time, & attention. They imbue their children w/individuality, believing that each child is unique & are deserving of their uniqueness which they encourage & nurture. Mothers of small & medium families are responsible in terms of the number of children they have. They know that if they have MORE children than they can afford, the family, particularly the children will suffer emotionally, intellectually, psychologically, psychically, & particularly, socioeconomically. They also believe in having the number of children that they can exercise a reasonable span of control, without listing the aid of or enforcing oldest/older children to RAISE/PARENT younger siblings.
(3) Mothers of small & medium families believe that they exist for their children & make the sacrifices necessary to guarantee that their children will have a better life than they have had. They don't objectivize or otherwise dehumanize their children. They respect & VALUE their children. They are
also INVOLVED w/their children. They take their parenting role seriously & are RESPONSIBLE parents. They feel that as parents, THEY & NOT THEIR children should do the parenting.
(4) Mothers of small & medium families converse w/their children more. They also teach their children. They don't leave teaching to the sibling who is also a child himself/herself. They believe that as parents, they have more knowledge & practice this. They don't believe that children should raise themselves.
(5) Mothers of small & medium families are MORE LOVING & INDULGENT towards their children. They have the physical & emotional resources, not to mention psychological & socioeconomic resources to help their children thrive. They view their children as people worthwhile of respect.
On the other hand, mothers of large(6-7 children per household) & very large(8-more children per household) families are VASTLY different from mothers of small & medium families:
(1) Mothers of large & very large families DON'T plan for their children. They have children regardless of & not caring about the negative ramifications of their actions upon their existing children. They are obsessive regarding having children. They don't believe in family planning nor birth control. They have an infantile need to want what they want, not caring about whom it will adversely affect. They are oftentimes have children without having much, if any, forethought into the process. They get pregnant & go through childbirth but aren't prepared regarding the emotional, mental, psychological, & socioeconomic aspects of raising & nurturing children. They are oftentimes overwhelmed at that prospect.
(2) Mothers of large & very large families AREN'T involved in their children's lives. They give birth & hand the children to the oldest/older children to raise. In large & very large families, oldest/older daughters are THE REAL & TRUE mothers of the family. Such daughters are oftentimes put upon by the selfish, narcissistic, immature mother who knows that she cannot humanly raise a large/very large number of children yet continues to have children nevertheless. Mothers of large & very large families physically have children but don't nurture nor give them the attention they need to thrive. They are of the school of letting children sink or swim. They could care less about the welfare of their children.
(3) Mothers of large & very large families don't discuss or spend time w/their children. They feel that such is a waste of time, figuring that what siblings are for. They also don't believe in teaching their children, believing that children learn things on their own. In large & very large families, children parent & raise themselves & each other. Mothers of large & very large families find it quite daunting to raise a very large number of children so they become alienated from the parenting role. They leave parenting to their children, particularly their oldest/older daughters.
(4) Mothers of large & very large families don't care about their children's physical, emotional, mental, psychological, & socioeconomic welfare. They have children, figuring that they will get used to their environment no matter how meager. They are of the school that there is nothing wrong w/deprivation as deprivation "builds character". They are also irresponsible parents who refuse to see their parenting role beyond the physical act of getting pregnant & giving birth.
(5) Mothers of large & very large families view their children as tolerable obligations at best & noisome burdens at worse. They are oftentimes either taxed or overwhelmed by the sheer number of children they have. They have the children & leave them to their own devices for either positive or negative. There are instances of neglect, either benign or extreme, in large & very large family households. Mothers of large & very large families do not have the physical, emotional, mental, nor psychological expenditure to give to a HOST of children.
by Grace Marguerite Williams 5 years ago
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