Does anyone have or had luke warm feelings about having kids? Did you get over it when you had kids?
I never wanted kids. I never envisioned it as a part of my future. I had friends that would say "you're going to be such a good mom someday" and I would laugh awkwardly and say "I'm too selfish to have kids, I want to travel, I want to do things on my own." I never met a kid that didn't make me feel uncomfortable. I always thought kids were annoying and I rolled my eyes at screeching babies and I had zero desire to have one of my own.
And then I had a surprise pregnancy. I seriously considered having an abortion. I was in my early 20s and still very much in the "I don't want kids" camp, and even if I stretched myself I knew I couldn't seriously consider it until I had lived out my 20s and was done school with a good job and some fun life experience under my belt. I couldn't bring myself to have an abortion. It wasn't because I had suddenly felt maternal with a fertilized egg in my belly. I just couldn't do it. I convinced myself that I would come around to the idea of having a kid by the time I was due to birth one.
It was a slow burn. I think I started to get genuinely excited once I was past the first trimester. Once I found out I was having a girl at 20 weeks I started to bond. By the time I gave birth I was used to and looking forward to the idea that I'd have a child.
I didn't bond with her instantly. I didn't have a rush of love the moment I saw her. I was exhausted and scared and didn't know what to do. I had literally held ONE baby in my entire life before I held my own. Holding MY OWN baby who I was entirely responsible for was overwhelming and terrifying. And I struggled immensely for months, through breastfeeding, through colic, through my life being turned upside down and shaken and rearranged so that I didn't even recognize it anymore.
But I got there. My daughter is 4 now and she is, undoubtedly and so intensely, the love of my life. If it's possible for a 4 year old to be my best friend then she's it. I would do anything and everything for her and she brings out a part of me that I didn't know existed and it's the BEST part of me.
So, I had even less than luke-warm feelings about having kids. And now I can honestly say that having a kid was the best thing I have ever done and will ever do. That said, it's a real struggle sometimes, made even harder if it's not something you truly wanted in the first place. It's a BIG decision and not one I'd make (purposely) if I was on the fence about it.
""I'm too selfish to have kids,..."
It's been said the average American produces 102 tons of garbage in a lifetime! In some respect not having children is the most "unselfish" thing.
Getting what you want doesn't make you selfish just happy
This is a signal telling you NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN. Many people have children much to their regret. Only a minute percentage of people have children because they truly want them. The reason why most people have children is from outside influence whether it's religion, parents, society, & friends. A study was done by Anne Landers in the 70s, asking people if they had to do over, would they have children & over 50% answered in the negative. So if you DON'T want to have children, DON'T have them. If you have lukewarm feelings, that is indicator telling you not to have children.
I would imagine over 50% of their children wish they had never been born or wished they had different parents too!
They probably do. They're the children whose parents couldn't wait to send them to summer camp or couldn't wait until school started. They weren't really wanted & loved & their "parents" only went through the parenting motions. Kids KNOW....
I have never wanted children and chose to have a vasectomy.
Nevertheless I have experienced being in many long-term relationships with women who did have children and it only reinforced my decision was correct. Personally I believe (if you really don't want children) you shouldn't bring them into world. It's not some type of thing you can try on to see if it fits. Once they are here they're here!
God only knows how many people deep down wish they never had children but they know it's not politically correct to say so out loud.
Sometimes people cave in to pressure from their parents or their mate/spouse to have children that (they) never really wanted!
Someone may have said: "Once you hold that baby your feelings will change." Having children is not something one should "roll the dice" with. Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.
Life is a (personal) journey. You're responsible for your happiness.
If something doesn't (feel right to you) it's probably not right for you.
I have a friend who posts a lot of mom articles and apparently this is a really normal thing. It's just that women aren't supposed to talk about it. Women in our society are expected to want to be mothers and are expected to do everything perfectly without stress. That's why post-partum depression is such a serious issue. New mothers don't get the support they need.
Not everyone enjoys their pregnancy. Not everyone enjoys being a mother.
I'm still in the boat where I never want kids. My husband does want them though and we've talked about it. I guess I would be more comfortable adopting or being a foster parent.
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