I have a 3 month old little girl and everytime I or my husband or anyone is holding her or playing with her he gets jealous and starts looking for attention whether it be good or bad. Can anyone give me some advice?
You should make a connection deeply with your husband with your baby. It could be giving a piece of advice or taking care to him!
It can help if you can think of it from the four year olds point of view. He can probably recall a time when he was the only one getting all the attention, and he had he got use to being an only child. Now there is someone else to share his family with. Even if you are going to great lengths to make sure he still gets lots of attention, often grandparents and other relatives and friends zoom in on the baby and the older child feels ignored, so that does not help.
Can you tell, I once was an only child and then a baby brother arrived, when I was four, I can remember thinking 'What do they want him for they have got me.' It took a long time to feel grateful that I was not an only child.
I once read that the easiest way to explain to an adult what a child feels like when a baby brother or sister arrives is to imagine your partner wanting you to share his time with someone else as well as you.
Siblings closer in age might not remember a time before the baby arrived, but still can feel in need of attention.
One day they will be glad they have each other, as they will have a great deal in common 'their parents'.
In the mean time praise when he is good, but I bet you are doing that already. I think his reaction is fairly normal, sometimes it helps to have one to one time with the older child i.e husband or you looks after the little one while the other one gives him their undivided attention in another place or room. As you can see, I am no expert but that is the way we worked things.
Love the suggestions 2uesday gave, especially about trying to give one on one attention to the 4 year old (when possible) by having husband or self doing an activity with 4 year old, while the other takes care of the baby.
One thing that my own mother did (there were 3 of us, each
3 1/2 years apart) was to allow the older child to participate in the care of the younger child- i.e. if bottle feeding let younger child sit in chair and under supervision, give the baby the bottle. That way we felt part of the family, not left waiting on sidelines while baby got all the attention.
Over the years I have always advised new mothers to make the new baby "belong" to the sibling. There are 10 years between me and my brother and I can remember hating him because I had to provide care for him and because she doted on him. He wasn't mine and I resented having to do so much for him. His birth made my mother very ill. He broke her pelvis, he was over 10 pounds. So she had numerous operations and had trouble holding him and caring for him. I don't know when that all changed but now at 51/41 years of age I would die for him. And I love his children like I gave birth to them.
I have seen so many siblings who love their new babies from the start when they feel a sense of ownership. Letting them care for the baby in whatever way they can and sometimes letting them hold the baby before a guest and letting them know how much their love and care is valued.
Whenever I see an older child with a younger sibling I always ask if that's their baby and they are so quick to tell me yes and that they are the older brother or sister. Then they share what the baby can and can not do.
I have 3 daughters 29, 19 & 15 and I still give each of them their own private time with me. My middle child was born very ill at 1 pound 11 ounces and the oldest was jealous and crazy while I was pregnant. But once her sister was born and she saw her, she became hers and was quite put upon when the nurse let me hold her first a month later. I cried I was so full of joy because she was angry and very serious. She has been that way about her ever since.
Hang in there, it can get better with time. Right now you have so much going on everything seems like it's "sooo" much. But the love will grow and you will witness it bloom.
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