If not, it should be! The first time my son hit me I was in denial about it, later when it got worse I was too ashamed to admit to anyone it was happening. My baby that was now bigger than I am was hurting me... it was too painful to say out loud or even write those words. After a few years of abuse I have made a decison to not only admit I but also to write down all the awful, hurtful things he does and says to me in my application for a restraining order that will hopefully keep him from coming to my home and continuing this cycle of violence. After reading an article here I realized that I'm not alone in this and that it happens a lot more than many people are aware of. While its somewhat comforting to not feel alone it equally as sad that it is happening to any parent at all.
Just like in cases of child abuse, parent abuse causes so much pain in families yet seems to be severely under-reported due to the stigma or fear that others will blame it on bad parenting. The reality is that it hurts too much to believe that the baby you protected and nurtured for 19 years could ever grow up to abuse and torment you, yet it happens. I left my son's abusive father when he was only 4 years old so that he wouldn't grow up in an abusive home and think that was normal. Somehow the abusive behavior crept its way into our lives anyway and I'm not sure how can I protect myself without any clear laws on this matter. It seems to be a legal grey area since the courts and police don't consider teen or adult children abusing their parents as domestic violence. The police said that the term "domestic violenc" only includes violence which occurs specificaly between partners (a married or unmarried couple -whether they live together or seperately) and does not include violence which is committed by other family members. That doesn't make any sense to me at all!
I'm really tired of feeling scared and being treated like a prisoner in my own home and don't know what else to do anymore. I'm usually very positive, but lately things have gotten so bad that I have literally run out of hope that things will get better for my family and that heavy feeling of hopeless is very depressing. As a child I used to sometimes think about running away from home but now I often find myself daydreaming about running away from my son and changing my name ..and then I feel guilty and wonder what kind of mother would ever think about abandoning her own children? It's become quite the vicious cycle for me to feel guilty for wanting to be free from abuse and I know I shouldn't. Recently I've decided to move in order for me to stay safe. I'm worried that my son could completely lose it and potentially go through with his threats to hurt or even kill me by breaking my front door down (like has in the past). I'm having trouble sleeping and am very worried that my son's violence will escalate when he is served with the civil restraining order that I am applying for tomorrow. I hope that my son will follow the court order to stay away from my home and that I will feel and be safe again but, I know that a piece of paper can't protect me from a bullet or a knife, etc if he chooses not to obey the court's protective order but, even though I'm afraid I am still going to apply for it anyway because I have already tried everything else, and I cannot and will not allow the abuse to continue. In the event anything does happen to me, I hope that laws enacted will be passed that can help protect all parents from what we are going through.
