lets try some happiness please

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   kellieshellposted 13 years ago

   a new hub, please take a look and tell me what you think.
   http://hubpages.com/hub/lets-try-some-happiness-please

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2. 72

   SteveoMcposted 13 years ago

   Your writing is improving.  Some of the flaws present in the last one are not present here, especially the change in tense.
   
   It is clear what your intent is.  In my mind, it would be better to break this into three separate hubs: jokes, stories, and things kids say.     
   
   You introduction is not necessary, just leave it out and get to the meat of the hub.   
   
   Like for jokes, you could start with something like: 
   
   My favorite jokes are ones that have unexpected outcomes, it is the twist that makes it funny to me.  Jokes as a social skill are  entertaining and can stimulate a group with laughter and sharing. 
   
   Make it a hub by itself.  Although I don't particularly like jokes per se, if that is what you want to do, then do it good and make it a complete hub.
   
   Good Luck

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      kellieshellposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      thanks that was very helpful, your right, i should have made it into 3 hubs, duh. I have a lot to learn. thank u

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3. 91

   Polly Cposted 13 years ago

   I agree with Steve about the introduction, as the hub is a stand alone page and most readers will not connect it with your other hubs or need to know the history of your hubbing. I think online readers can get bored and back click if an introduction is too long or irrelevant. Perhaps you could have a shorter intro, a bit more to the point.
   
   I know that it is relevant to you, btw, but it won't be to a reader who stumbles across it on a search engine.

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      kellieshellposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      thanks polly!

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4. 67

   Joy56posted 13 years ago

   i enjoyed it, but i do have a short attention sqam, and so do many others.... wo we kinda have to get to the poiint maybe just a little quicker.... nice to meet you

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      kellieshellposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      thank you Joy, its nice to meet you too!

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