The Loch Ness Monster

1. 60

   Dennis Paceposted 13 years ago

   The Loch Ness Monster
   
   An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly the Loch Ness monster attacked his boat. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat at least a hundred feet into the air. It then opened its mouth, waiting below to swallow them both. As the man sailed head over heels and started to fall towards the open jaws of the ferocious beast, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!"
   
   Suddenly, the scene froze in place and as the atheist hung in midair, a booming voice came out of the clouds and said, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"
   
   "God, come on, give me a break!" the man pleaded, "Just seconds ago, I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"
   
   "Well," said God, "now that you are a believer you must understand that I won't work miracles to snatch you from certain death in the jaws of the monster, but I can change hearts. What would you have me do?"
   
   The atheist thinks for a minute, then says, "God, please have the Loch Ness Monster believe in You, also."
   
   God replies, "So be it."
   
   The scene starts in motion again, with the atheist falling towards the ravenous jaws of the monster. The Loch Ness Monster folds his claws together and says, "Lord, bless this food You have so graciously provided....."

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      getitriteposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      More pointless, humorless nonsense.

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         Pcunixposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         But at least it is fresh and original!  I can't wait for the next one. I'm hoping for a rabid mountain lion. Or a very angry squirrel.

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      Dave Mathewsposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I love your little stories like this one and the one about the Grizzly Bear too. I beliieve that in a moment of danger and sudden death the so called "Atheist" will reveal their true belief in God. The circumstances dictate the results.

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      Beelzedadposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      So, replace the bear with the Loch Ness monster and reprint the joke? Is there some point to this childish nonsense?

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         Dave Mathewsposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         The end justifies the means.

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      Shinkickerposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      God has appealed to quite a few gruesome monsters over the centuries.

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   Cagsilposted 13 years ago

   If you're going to open threads, would at least open them in the right places. Meaning, put them in the right category. If you're unsure where to put them, then please read the list of categories on the left side of the forum threads listed.

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3. 89

   Pcunixposted 13 years ago

   What's next? Is it a lion? A panther? Maybe a very large and sharp toothed horse?
   
   Maybe a ferocious kitten?

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4. 89

   Pcunixposted 13 years ago

   Ooh, I have another question. Was the atheist fishing on Loch Ness?
   
   Oh, yeah, and how many Christians has the monster eaten? Which does it prefer for flavor?

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      just_curiousposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      It swallows Christians too but, like Jonah, they come back out in three days. The atheists could do it too,  but they figure if they come out they'd have to admit there was a Loch Ness monster. And once you admit to the existence of one supposedly mythical being....well, it would be all downhill from there.  And yes pcunix, I do find this type  of post on a religious site out of place.

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         Pcunixposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Loch Ness monster isn't mythical at all. It is an apocryphal anachronism. Nothing supernatural about it.

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            just_curiousposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            LOL.  I decided to take what I consider to be supercilious posts a little more seriously and wait until I could respond from a computer instead of my droid where I am hindered by swype. You say potato, I say potato.  (Hmmm that makes more sense spoken than it typed.)  It has been described as mythical and I see no reason to use two words when one will do.

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   skyfireposted 13 years ago

   I thought loch ness monster was supposed to be from vegetarian category of sea dinosaurs. F8888 Satan. Screw ya.

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      Pcunixposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Good point.
      
      I think it should be the Invisible Pink Unicorn and the Flying Spaghetti Monster tearing the Christian to shreds. Then his god shows up, sees what's going on, gags, and says he'll be back in a few years.
      
      But he never does come back, so it is kind of a dumb story and the IPU and The FSM didn't even leave a scrap of bone, so there's not much gore..
      
      Nope. It makes a lousy movie. No two ways about it.

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6. 0

   Muldanianposted 13 years ago

   So this joke would suggest that God is as real as the mythical Loch Ness Monster, a supposed prehistoric creature, which somehow exists in a loch which only dates back to the last ice age.

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   CASE1WORKERposted 13 years ago

   Actually I quite enjoy this type of thread- it lightens up the day even if for the pureist it is in the wrong category ( heaven forbid what a category to place it in). Must try and remember the best for church on sunday!

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   optimus grimlockposted 13 years ago

   good job dennis!

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   Dr. Amiliaposted 13 years ago

   Hahaha, I loved this story!
   
   It woud be awesome if we could see ol nelly already.
   
   Love,
   Dr. Amilia.

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    Paragliderposted 13 years ago

    It must be an old story. Nobody fishes Loch Ness in January. It's ***king freezing!!

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    hanging outposted 13 years ago

    funny
    just as i thought though
    
    atheists have no sense of humor

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       skyfireposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       this type of thing coming from trolls ? yeah sure no sense of humor

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       Beelzedadposted 13 years agoin reply to this

       Sure we do, we just don't laugh at the same joke over and over again.

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