I'd like feedback on my Hub: Mobile Apps Parents Should Not Allow On Their Child

1. 41

   NetDetective4uposted 7 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub Mobile Apps Parents Should Not Allow On Their Children's Devices.. What can I do to improve? Thanks!

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   1. 97

      theraggededgeposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Page not found

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      1. 41

         NetDetective4uposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         Try again please.

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         1. 83

            psycheskinnerposted 7 years agoin reply to this

            Page not found
            
            It's not a published page, you have to use the link from the email sent to you after QAP

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   2. 97

      theraggededgeposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Okay, firstly your introduction is too broad - it should be connected to the title. Everyone knows what apps are and their wide range. Those facts are nothing to do with the topic. In fact, you could delete the first paragraph and begin with the second.
      
      "make sure their children do not have access to." Not 'too'.
      
      Table is irrelevant.
      
      Delete the kitten image.
      
      You are using too many words to say very little. Look... "There are a lot of apps out there which could cause harm to your child."  That's all you are saying in your first half a dozen paragraphs. Your article needs weeding of all the unnecessary words and phrases that prevent your message being understood clearly. This kind of writing needs to be crisp and clear. Just the facts.
      
      "This article will serve as a means to provide you information on some more prominent applications you need to monitor."
      
      "This article provides information about the most dangerous common applications." You don't need 'serve as a means', or 'some more', or  'need to monitor'. It's like that all the way through. Prune it hard. There's an app for it - Hemingway.
      
      Proofread the text. There are several errors and typos in it. Read it aloud - that'll help you to pick up a lot of them.
      
      Use a right-aligned, blue text capsule to summarise your qualifications as a cyber-detective, rather than sprinkling it through the text.
      
      One important aspect you don't address is education. Parents need to educate their children far more than they currently do, about the dangers of these apps.
      
      Hope that helps.

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      1. 41

         NetDetective4uposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks. Still figuring this thing out. What's that number beside our profile pic?

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         1. 97

            theraggededgeposted 7 years agoin reply to this

            Ignore it for now. It's your hubberscore, which is based on your site activity. It's not important.

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