Do you admit to being a helicopter parent?

1. 59

   JerryTillotsonposted 15 years ago

   Do you admit to being a helicopter parent?
   
   I'm a high school history teacher and from where I sit the biggest challenge facing adolescents today is overparenting.  Do you overparent?  I would like to hear your justification.

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2. 59

   moanalisaposted 15 years ago

   The interesting thing about your question is that in this day and age, I see both extremes and not enough in the middle.
   
   How much is too much? How much is too little? I'm curious as to where you are from where you feel parents are OVERparenting...this intrigues me as in many areas, I see the complete opposite.
   
   Perhaps there is a way to turn the overparenting around into a positive thing. At least these parents show interest in their children, their development and overall success.
   
   Thoughts? I'd love to discourse further with you on this topic.
   
   Btw, I have an 11 yr old as well as a 24 yr old.

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3. 59

   JerryTillotsonposted 15 years ago

   To MoanaLisa,
   
   Thanks for your response.  You raise a good point about not seeing enough in the middle.  That certainly is true.  But on the other hand, I do see some well adjusted kids, so I'm wondering if maybe why we're not seeing so much in the middle is because that style of parenting lends itself to obscurity.
   
   We went through this self-esteem movement, it seems like a generation ago, that sought to make every child feel special, that they can become anything they want, that everyone's a winner, everyone makes the honor roll.  Now today, when kids grow up and get into college or go into the world of work and they discover that there are limitations on their potential and that they are not special, they wind up in therapy because of the way they've been groomed.
   
   I teach the upper level social study electives to the cream of the crop in my high school.  These are the kids who have received A's all their lives and have been taught that they are truly special.  Then when they get a grade less than an A they and their parents fall apart.  Their parents tell them it's not their fault.  It's got to be something I'm doing wrong, although 80 percent of my students pass the national exams and get college credit as high school students.  Is that the right message to be teaching kids?  I've had parents tell me in front of their kids that I give too much homework.  Then a year later when that student comes back to school from college for a visit, they tell me they didn't think college would be this intense.  That's how their parents have conditioned them.  They forget their homework, but manage to remember their iPods and cell phones.  They call their parents, who leave work, go home, get the homework and bring it to school, and tell me I'm too demanding about expecting homework on time.  This can't be healthy.  These kids don't know how to be responsible and they're not being allowed to cope with making mistakes.
   
   When parents provide lame excuses for a child's constant tardiness, what kind of value will that child have on punctuality when they get a job?

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4. 74

   Little Nellposted 15 years ago

   I am a teacher in a challenging school and I see both extremes - overparenting - where parents control everything about their children's lives. They will ring up the instant an "assessed homework" arrives home to say that THEY do not understand it! They ferry their kids everywhere, wait on them at home, monitor their kids grades and make teachers lives hell by complaining that it's their teachers fault when their kids fail to make the grade. 
   
   And I see grotesque heartbreaking no-parenting, with needy grubby breakfast less kids coming to school,  half asleep because noone bothered to put them to bed, no aspirations because they have never seen an adult actually get up out of bed to go to work. 
   
   The answer?  Well,  for schools to educate pupils in independent living - and educate the parents at the same time.  A child that has learnt to care for him or herself, can organise his/her schoolwork and become independent of adult interference - well-meaning or otherwise - will have a better chance to grow up to be a balanced adult.

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5. 57

   sebssposted 15 years ago

   Thanks a great question I deal with this a lot. You can either be overly protective and when you kid breaks away from you for college they go nuts and over dose on drugs and fun because you restricted them. (think bad catholic school girls) or you can be honest open friendly and cool with you children you make the decision.

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6. 48

   websclubsposted 15 years ago

   Allow your child more independence--give advice, and serve as a role model, work as a team...
   The Harvard report advises that teens need to face challenges that will build skills and self-esteem.
   "Take The Quiz"
   see: http://www.collegeboard.com/parents/pla … 55044.html

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