What's the best way to diffuse and argument?

1. 81

   Athlyn Greenposted 11 years ago

   What's the best way to diffuse and argument?
   
   Which strategies work best to cool of tempers from rising?

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2. 74

   Anti-Valentineposted 11 years ago

   A sense of humour works in situations like this.

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3. 61

   Jivan36posted 11 years ago

   Maybe agreeing to take a break from the argument until it can be a more rational  discussion when emotions have settled and tension relieved could be an acceptable answer. And then there's the old "Let's agree to disagree" approach. That, however, like walking away from the matter altogether could be viewed by some as avoidance....or a "cop out"! Still, to some, avoidance is better than harsh words, or even violence ensuing, though it doesn't tend to truly resolve anything between the two (or more) people, except for the fact that there is clearly alot that can't be calmly discussed!

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4. 60

   Time2Spareposted 11 years ago

   Well, you could end up agreeing with the arguer. Submission will cool off things. Later on when things are fine just off hand talk to them about the topic.
   You can also mix in a few jokes and then cool things.

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5. 57

   Pink Rose 22posted 11 years ago

   Everyone wants to be heard.  If the other person feels you aren't hearing and understanding what they are saying they may become more angry.  Have the two people mirror what they heard.  In other words..."what I hear you saying is..."  If it is not correct then the first person tries again to explain what they are trying to say.  Each  person gets the chance to be heard and to know they are being heard and understood.  It's called Imago.  The best selling author Harville Hendricks has a great book called Getting the Love You Want.  It's primarily for couples but this technique works brilliantly in all relationships.  Hope this helps.

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   1. 61

      Jivan36posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Excellent suggestion! And that has definitely worked in my experience, especially with the most difficult and emotional of arguments (usually with family). I know I want to be heard and acknowledged as most people do, though it has backfired on me.

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      Petfriendsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      A very good tactic as well. It reminds of those warnings my mother once said, "oh, you' re just talking to hear yourself talk."

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6. 58

   sethpowersposted 11 years ago

   It's difficult to address your question without knowing specifics as each argument warrants its own solution. However, in most cases, it's best to focus on the problem. In other words, separate the people from the problem and focus on finding a mutually agreeable solution as partners instead of enemies.

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   1. 61

      Jivan36posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Unless in the possible scenario where the people, or should I say, the personalities involved are almost more of the problem and the major contributor to all their arguments, even more so than the actual issues which they claim are there differences.

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   2. 58

      sethpowersposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      That is incomprehensible.

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   3. 61

      Jivan36posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Incomprehensible?? Well, haven't you ever known people who argue constantly and sometimes viciously over things that perhaps seem mundane or petty? The reason they fight....the "real" reason, very well could be the nature of their personalities.

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   4. 58

      sethpowersposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Now, that's a much more lucid explanation. However, people who argue in that fashion are simply trying to distract you from the problem at hand (they are being irrational). Therefore the key is to focus on the problem and avoid the personality.

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7. 59

   Petfriendsposted 11 years ago

   I find agreeing to disagree works most often for me. Also a sense of humor helps.

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