How do I recover with no support from verbal and emotional abuse?

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   Wendy80posted 7 years ago

   How do I recover with no support from verbal and emotional abuse?
   
   hi iv managed to get out of the relationship about 2 months ago and am in a safe environment, but have no one who understands whats happened and I find it very hard to tell people what happened cause I cry to much, where do I start? as it haunts me when I least expect it and things people say cause flashbacks and some days I just have very bad days. I am on depression medication, but cant find support groups ext

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   dashingscorpioposted 7 years ago

   Surly there must be outreach programs and low cost or free therapy offered near you. Google  help for abused victims in (whatever city or area you live in).
   For example in Ohio they have Women Helping Women which conducts several support groups to help survivors cope with the confusion, anger and fear often experienced after episodes of sexual assault and domestic violence. These groups enable survivors to share their experiences, feelings and provide them with support to overcome their fears and feelings of isolation. Just about every major metropolitan area has support groups.
   Your local police department might also be able to provide contacts. Here is the National Domestic Violence Hotline link.
   http://www.thehotline.org/resources/
   If you are not in the U.S. you may want to contact your local government agencies and possibly visit Meetup.com to see if there are any groups in your area geared towards recovery.
   Best wishes!

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      Wendy80posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      thank you i will keep searching. i only know of some 2 hours drive from here so am hunting and searching thanks again

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   fpherj48posted 7 years ago

   Wendy-ann.....First of all, let me ask how you are so sure "no one understands" what you've been through, if you have not spoken nor shared with anyone thus far?  You're doing yourself an injustice by not opening up.  Don't concern yourself about crying as you relate your experiences.  This is to be expected and when someone is hoping to help you, they know how to overlook displays of emotion to get through to the facts.
   I'd like to suggest to you that you've come to the right place.  Hubpages is a big community with an enormous variety of talented, wise, experienced and many professional individuals. The wonderful people here are expert at offering helpful advice, tips & suggestions in an effort to get you back on the right, healthy path.
   It is highly possible you may find some of the comments you receive to be just the words, ideas and encouragement you need to begin to heal.  One day at a time, one step at a time, wendy.  As you said, you are out of the abusive relationship and in a safe environment.  This is the perfect start.  As for being able to open up and tell your tale, just say what's in your heart and on your  mind.....trust your listeners to handle the concerns you have about communicating. 
   Feel free to make any statements here that you feel may help your readers to get a clearer picture of what is troubling you so.  Best of luck.  Hang on tightly.  This too, shall pass.  Peace, Paula

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      Wendy80posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      i know there are people that understand but just not ones around me at the moment and im already finding comfort of this group thank you so much

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   shanmarieposted 7 years ago

   In a way, emotional abuse seems  harder to overcome. Of course, physical abuse can also cause emotional scars, but the physical injuries are different than an assault on the way someone thinks and feels about themselves. I feel that overcoming a traumatic experience like that takes time and that eventually it will involve having to change your mindset. Retrain yourself to believe in yourself and your own worth and ability. How you do that is up to you. If you can't find a therapist or support group near you, you might try looking online for these types of groups. Sometimes the anonymity of a computer screen makes it easier to open up. Or, as Paula said, there are people here who will be glad to encourage you any way they can. If you write, you might find comfort in writing out your thoughts and emotions. Later on you might be able to help others through your writing. In fact, I just thought of a friend of mine who has done just that and surprised even herself in doing so

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      Wendy80posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      i will try to start writing im just not sure where to start at the moment

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      shanmarieposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      There are other forms of art therapy if that is something that you feel might help. Painting, drawing, coloring, music, clay, anything that allows you to express your feelings. Or even online support groups. Whatever helps you process it all.

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   peeplesposted 7 years ago

   There are many people on this site who have lived through horrible situations. You say you are on medications, are they helpful and did you get them through therapy? Therapy can be very beneficial for many people.
   If you can't find support you can comment here with your nearest city and I will find them for you.
   I've personally been though hell. The most beneficial thing for me has always been sucking it up, pushing forward, and focusing on the good in life no matter how small it may be. That doesn't work for everyone though. So get help. That is the first step.

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      Wendy80posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      hi i have found out that i can get counselling threw childline online, the nearest place that can help is in Durban which is 2 hours drive from me. as im in margate, south coast, kwazulu-natal, south Africa. i feel i need to talk about what happpened

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      peeplesposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Now that I know your location, have you considered a facebook support group, or an online website support group?

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   marcoujorposted 7 years ago

   Dear Wendy Ann,
   This is still so new to you - two months is not a long time to be away from verbal and emotional abuse.
   You possess incredible inner strength to have gotten out of this toxic relationship.  Thank goodness you are and feel safety - which is the only way for your healing to begin, no matter how long that takes.
   The comments I've read here are incredibly supportive and informative - I believe HubPages is a virtual microcosm of our world. There are people who will understand and support you, usually when you least expect it.
   Have you considered journaling your thoughts - it's comforting and safe to 'scream' or 'cry' at a page with your words.
   I do hope you find a counsellor (or a support group) where you can build trust and begin expressing yourself with people who understand what you've been through.
   Keep going each and every day... and take good and gentle care of yourself.

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      Wendy80posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      thank you so much your words have brought me alot of comfort. i am battling to write things down as i cant make sense of much of it and is mostly flashbacks as if its all been a dream and maybe i cant accept what actually happened yet

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   SylviaSkyposted 7 years ago

   Forget the past. It is behind you. Why keep talking about it and letting bad memories dominate your life now that you are free? What kind of future do you want? Who do you want to be? Start healing with those questions rather than dredging up the past over and over.

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      Wendy80posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      the past events are haunting me in things that happen during the day and in my dreams i feel i need to talk to heal myself

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   Sri Tposted 7 years ago

   Amazon has a lot of great books. You can learn how to recover without telling others. Self therapy will teach you how to deal with past emotional troubles and release them. You can learn how your mind works and how to be free of negative experiences. It's not instant, it takes practice to get control of your reactions. You can learn how to detach from all negativity and be happy regardless of your past, the world and everybody.

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   RTalloniposted 7 years ago

   You will find supportive people here, and many truly do understand.  A book you might find helpful in the future is "Unpacking Forgiveness" by Chris Brauns.  First, though, it may be that Jerry Bridges' books, particularly "Trusting God When Life Hurts" to be extremely helpful in liberating you from the pain and helping you focus on moving forward.

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