Marriage is in financial dooms!!
Ditto
My advice is to think about self employment, this week the Hubmob are doing Hubs on Small Business, some interesting stuff there already, there are many successful on line businesses, think about it, can you identify a niche in the market......what are your skills, do you really need to work for someone else......whats your star sign.....I done all the stars in the threads yesterday.....look your up and see whats in store.........why work for someone else if you could work for yourself......think about it....read about it....look around you....dont let anyone hold you back....especially him......you know what I mean....come on lets go
Yeah, actually despite of what feminists want you to believe, "Moms are to stay home and do house work" and dads are to provide. This is how we are biologically wired
There is nothing wrong with that, both functions are crucial to the family well being - just women are better suited to take care of the kids, and men are better suited to hunt down a mammoth.LOL I had to switch into threaded view to see if you were replying to me.
Rather then going into a lengthy explanations, clarifications, and debate, I would just prefer to agree to not completely agree to you and leave it at this. Not about your personal experience of course.
How ironic...as a SAHM, the working mothers were constantly looking down their nose at me--I struggled for years to overcome the bias and condescending attitudes that I received on a daily basis...so if I'm a tad overzealous with my opinion, I hope you can understand why.
As far as financial independence--my husband worked full-time, and the money he made went to all of us. When he fell ill, and couldn't work, the money that I brought in from working from home went to all of us...there has never been "his" or "her" money in our home...and we've managed to stay together for over 20 years, happily...
TammyEmpress--Thank you. I know I am very lucky...now. I was married before to an unfaithful idiot(sorry, but he was), so I really do understand about bad relationships. But, even at that, we did share the same feelings about my raising our two children...go figure...
Shelly stays home and takes care of the kids and she's been doing it for seven years ... I go out and earn the bread and think nothing of it (mainly because *I* would go insane sitting home with the kids every day while *she* worked).
Nuclear families existed like this all throughout the 60s, so you're not mooching any more than your grandmother was off of your grandfather. You just perceive things differently because you come from a generation where most women work.
Oddly enough, it was Women's Lib that created the current two-bread winner society. With couples working they could afford more than the single person - and did. Everyone family live lavish lives as they bought more into the American Dream, never realizing the cost that would come in the end.
Luxury became common place (and expected) which meant more and more of our salaries went to items we never considered purchasing before (A TV for every room, brand new appliances (not hand-me-downs) and so on. No longer do we run things until their broke, we replace them when they grow old - and this costs money. As such, we find ourselves held in check by our luxuries - thus the need for a two-wage family.
Want to go back to the 60s? Consider how things worked back then:
You had one television in the TV room - that's it! You didn't have cable TV, you had whatever came over the antenna for free, so there was no cable bill.
You had no cell phone (didn't exist yet) and nearly all of your calls were local, as you were charged for each call. As such, your phone bill was very low.
You probably had a wood burner in your living room for those cold nights up north - and everyone slept beside it when it grew cold out - as you could not afford to heat the whole house then. In fact, you probably lived in a small apartment back then, which cost less.
At the age of 14 your kids already had jobs, helping out at the local grocery store, paper route, or otherwise, and this income was combined with your own to get broken appliances repaired.
You also didn't have a dishwasher (unless you count your own two hands), a clothes washer (you washed by hand), or a dryer (you hung your clothes out on the line).
Now, some will say that many of these things existed during the 60s ... and they did . but back then they were considered as a *luxury* and aren't as common as they are now. You would be hard pressed nowadays to find a house without these items nowadays, but back then they weren't so common - because people with one income often couldn't afford them.
Sometimes I think we forget what it is we work for, because we see everyone else has the same things and we neglect to consider these items were all once luxuries.
So, in response to your original query ... you're not being a mooch ... your fulfilling the same role your grandma,her grandma, and her grandma before her did. As such, you need not feel bad about yourself ... so long as you are caring for the household while your husband is at work.
And when you find a job ... let him split the house chores, by reminding him that you then have a job as well ... and he will then need to split those house chores with you that you had been doing all by yourself.Very good way to look at this Yoshi
Maybe you are recieving a gift - an opportunity. A chance to fulfill a dream, change careers, become self employed, etc. Life throws a few curves that in hindsight were gifts- sneakorocksolidposted 14 years ago
0Don't deminish the importance of the job you are doing. We have always pooled our resources and never claimed ownership. You'll find a job. Be creative and think outside the box. You're his wife and I'm sure he never gives it a thought!
That is what we've always done, also.
Is this a generational thing or something--the having his and her money? I don't mean this in a bad way, honestly--I'm just curious as to why so many couples separate their finances this way.
Isn't marriage a two-become-one concept anymore? It always has been for us, and we've had no problems at all.
Really, I'd love to hear why couples feel the need to do this now, because I really don't understand!
TammyThanks for taking the time to explain that--I appreciate it, and I'm so sorry that things worked out the way they did for you...
TammyAh yes...as for generational...I honestly don't think it is. My ex is 27 now, he was 21 when I got together with him...but my mom will be 47 in a couple of weeks, my stepdad is 52, and my husband is 50 and they all have co-mingling issues too.
And things are working out great now...chalk it up to learning, I suppose, we can never fully appreciate the great men in our lives until we've had to endure the selfish, controlling, unfaithful idiots.LOL I can soooo relate on co-mingling issues. My wife is 17 years younger, and I just turned 50
Well, I guess it isn't a generational thing, then, because I'm 50, and my husband is 54. I used that term only because, when I was in my 20's and 30's, I hardly ever heard about couples with separate financial accounts.
I, in no way, meant to turn this into a contest into whose had the hardest knocks...believe me, I've had my share, also, before I married Tom, my husband.
I was a single mom of two in the 80's, and while the situation was different than yours, I struggled in many ways that I don't want to even think about anymore. My ex was terrible, a sloth really, and to this day, still owes Tom and I thousands and thousands of dollars in child support, which we will never see.
But...that was then, and this is now. I no longer let him take up space in my head--it's over, and the anger is gone. I was lucky to find someone, finally, who sees things in the same way that I do. He has never once looked down on me for "not pulling my weight financially".
I have my views--you have yours...it's quite obvious they are NOT the same, but I wish you luck in your life, as you choose to live it...
Tammy
LOL Tam, that's exactly what her parents still think of me, after two kids and 10 years together
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