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88
Will Apseposted 8 years ago
I might not want to find it again.
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1. 88
  Jason Marovichposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Clever. The only problem I see is that you haven't made a statement so profound it's embarrassing; nor have you poured out to the masses your deepest secrets. I mean, if you're going to ask for a thread change, at least make the request tenable...
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  lol.
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  Will Apseposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  I wasn't really expecting anyone to reply to this post. I thought it would pass undigested through the great length of the forums, plopping out who knows where.
  
  So I went to sleep, immediately after hitting publish.
  
  And thus I missed a visit from a creature who has grown almost mythical: the most regal of all our queens, gracious to the wretched denizens of the badland forums, funny, warm to even the most affected of writers and the most quarrelsome of 'contributors'.
  
  Oh, no. My mistake! It's just Beth. I thought it was PDS.
  
  Where is PDS?
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Hurtful. I was a hair's breadth away from falling madly in love with you.
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  Will Apseposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  How many women will say that to me, today?
  
  And how many can I fit on my magic carpet?
  
  I should have paid more attention to mathematics as a kid, like wilderness. I spose I could try...
  
  Do you know your approximate volume?
  
  I have 3.55 cubic metres of besotted womankind. 1 cubic metre of devoted cats plus the lady boy who loiters in the little lane outside (a big one, probably 2 cubic meters on his/her own!)
  
  And the magic carpet is only a cheap thing...
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  I try to keep my volume on low; sensitive ears.
  I talked to womankind for you. She sends her regards.
  Im off to bed, 'night Will.
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  Will Apseposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Well you took that rather well. Robust, lol.
  
  Now I can stop worrying about you.
  
  Goodnight.
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  To be honest, I have no idea what a cubic meter is. You could have asked me if how many kilometers I weigh, for this magic carpet ride, and I would have said about 80 kilometers. (When inquiring about a woman's weight, always start in the low 80's. "What do you weigh 80... 83 lbs.?"
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Motown2Chitownposted 8 years ago
Let's call it: Did I Really Just Say That?

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Beth Eaglescliffeposted 8 years ago
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
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NateB11posted 8 years ago
How do I get stains out of my bedsheets?
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  Jason Marovichposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  As if there weren't 24 hubs telling you how to do that...
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  NateB11posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Exactly.
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janderson99posted 8 years ago
Polyfester
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robjlodgeposted 8 years ago
How about 'The Procrastination Station'
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Motown2Chitownposted 8 years ago
How many Jelly Belly jelly beans fit into a Chevy Suburban?
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  bBereanposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  What year?
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  Motown2Chitownposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Hmm. To put a finer point on the discussion, let's say a...1992.
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  bBereanposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Interior only, or all possible storage and crevices? Buckets or bench? If buckets, deluxe? Console? 3rd row seat? Jelly beans are small, this is important. You aren't putting beans in the tires and fuel tank, are you? This isn't going to be easy. If you take off the end caps, jelly beans fit in the roof rack bars, and you can get at least 1,200 in the shell of the tailgate.
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  Motown2Chitownposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Every nook and cranny.
  
  Haven't you ever seen Lost?
  
  The answer is 4815162342.
  
  Now you have to come up with a new title for the thread!
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  bBereanposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Alas, I never saw lost...and think I could have found a spot for one more bean.
  
  Okay, the Gravitational Contemplation Symposium.
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  Motown2Chitownposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  I like the thought of gravitational contemplation. It just sounds so....contemplative.
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  wildernessposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Are you sure? Wiki reports a jelly bean is just about 3/4" long; lining up 4815162342 of them will produce a line of jelly beans 57,000 miles long, or around the earth twice with enough left over to go from New York to Bejiing.
  
  That's a LOT of jelly beans; are you sure you counted correctly? Or did you use the metric system or something?
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  Motown2Chitownposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  But we're not laying them end to end are we? We're dumping them all inside and packing them into every crevice!
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  wildernessposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  True.
  
  But the weight of a medium jelly bean is about 2 grams; 4815162342 of them will weight over 10,000 tons. Plus, 4815162342 jelly beans will occupy a volume of 5,654,087 gallons or about 8 1/2 Olympic swimming pools.
  
  I think you'd better start eating them instead of stuffing a car with them. It may take a few years, but you can get rid of them that way. And no, I don't like jelly beans...
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  Motown2Chitownposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  I love them. Especially Jelly Bellys. But they don't like me...diabetic.
  
  I can, however, share them with other Jelly Belly fans.
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  bBereanposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  I heard Reagan had a black Suburban full of Jelly Beans, but that may have just been a rumor.
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  wildernessposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  The one I heard was that he kept a dish of them in the oval office. Maybe he scooped them from the suburban each morning in the garage.
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  bBereanposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Perhaps a model in his office of the Secret Service Suburbans concealed an emergency stash of the preferred treat, and later gave inspiration to a gaff for "lost."
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  Motown2Chitownposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Maybe.
  
  I'll explain the Lost thing. Was a TV show where a character was plagued by a set of numbers...he won the lottery with them and guessed the number of something or other in the "jar" or whatever. The series of numbers was 4 8 15 16 23 42. They had a special significance in the show.
  
  But I bet that is where Reagan got his-from that black Suburban.
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  You know they make Jelly Belly's with splenda? I know this cause they sell them in my store.
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  Motown2Chitownposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  I didn't know that! I'll have to look around for them. . Thanks for the info!
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Will Apseposted 8 years ago
Sorry Beth, very drunk right now. Raining all week so no fun. Saw some sun at three o'clock and decided that was a good enough excuse to watch the locals set up the main town market from my favorite bar. A few reprobates drifted in to to help me drink more than I meant to. And it is a miracle that I got home.

So anything metric will have to wait until tomorrow. Lol. I think I drank less than my own volume, though.
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  I'm sure you were a staunch supporter for sobriety until they wore you down! Never trust a reprobate, I always say.
  
  You know, I bet your mind works at the same capacity as mine, now that you are fully inebriated. Finally we are equals. (That is to say except for our hubber score, of course.)
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  Will Apseposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  I do tend to develop an irrational love of humanity in general when I drink my way slowly to unconsciousness.
  
  I think you probably have that before you get drunk.
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  You mean *I do, or ppl in general? I'm not going to describe "drinking Beth". I stuff her deep down in the recesses along with "emotional Beth". What ever you don't let breathe will eventually die, isn't that how it works?
  
  Edit: haha, I just got what you meant... you think Im loving. Aw, you're so sweet. No... I meant b/c you'd damaged enough neurons from your drinking spree, we were probably more equally matched mentally. Not that you weren't still quite a bit ahead, but I still like to think I was momentarily catching up, so to speak.
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  Will Apseposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  'Whatever you don't let breathe will eventually die'
  
  I think it is more like, where no light is ever shone, monsters breed.
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  You're so dark. You must have a monster down deep inside.
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  Will Apseposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  My monsters make me who I am. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Dribble and moan.
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  I feel as smart as you again in this moment.
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  Will Apseposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  The dribble and moan monster is a lot more scary than you imagine...
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  It already has me shivering.
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  Will Apseposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Actually, I think it just died. I think it was the excitement.
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Poor fella. The worlds not a kind place to monsters.
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  Will Apseposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  You're right. The only glimpse the poor thing has of a shivering damsel in thirty years and he pegs out.
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Are we talking about the same thing?
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  Will Apseposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Good heavens! I hope not. This is a family forum.
  
  Anyway, I need your professional opinion. Is this a rather neat piece of satire. Or are we talking English as second language?
  
  http://hubpages.com/forum/topic/118745
  
  Try the guy's swimming hub,
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Well... I wasted some of my reading cause I read thru the first page of the thread. I thought that's what you wanted me to do. I read too fast, but I don't know why. Anyway, yeah, I would guess Eng as a 2nd lang.
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  Will Apseposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Now you are forcing me to look at look at some of his other pages.
  
  When I read that swimming page I nearly choked.
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Was that the first time you realized ppl have different writing levels? It must have come as quite a shock to you.
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  Will Apseposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  No, I am holding to my original position. It is satire.
  
  And the guy is genuinely funny. I will need documentary proof to make me change my mind.
  
  Anyway, I have to head down to the post office. See you...
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  I only read the first paragraph. I don't know what's wrong with me... no attention span. You on the other hand have an amazing attention span. I don't know how you do it. Hey, if you're going to the post office, send me a letter... I promise to read at least 2 paragraphs.
  
  (Just address it to: Beth37, USA)
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  Will Apseposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Coo! You are like the Queen in England.
  
  On that little island, all you do is write 'The Queen' on an envelope, then post it and little munchkin men appear to carry it reverently to her majesty.
  
  I 'spose it's the same in the US with famous people like Hiawatha.
  
  Anyway, a pair of savage woman are coming to give me us Thai massages. So I will be tissue paper for the rest of the day.
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Hiawatha. lol
  
  Have you started watching the telly yet? (I put it in your language so you could understand.)
  Ive been watching this show called The IT Crowd (British). It cracks me up.
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  Will Apseposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  The tissue paper replying here.
  
  IT Crowd is good stuff.
  
  Even Mathew, (he who changes the thread titles) watches the IT Crowd.
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  I am always a little behind the rest of the world.
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  Will Apseposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Do tails still run in your family?
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  I faintly remember you mentioning tails before. Is this an evolutionary joke? You're on the wrong thread.
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  Will Apseposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  If that is your way of saying that you are too embarrassed to talk about the tail issue, I understand.
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  I had it removed years ago... it simply isn't an issue anymore.
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  Will Apseposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Excellent. Tail-less is the current fashion. I shall write a hub about it.
  
  Having said that, I no longer trust my own judgement. I happened to notice that the guy I was saying was a first rate satirist has an impressive backstory online. So impressive that I think I might be wrong. All my chortles of joy as I read those pages were in fact cruel mockery.
  
  Sigh.
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  lol... well at least your mockery was done in private. None's the wiser.
  (Do you investigate all of our online back stories or just his?)
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  Will Apseposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  I don't do as much as I used to, not on a personal basis, at any rate. Usually, I get a minion to look through people's trash these days.
  
  Which reminds me, Sneaky Harry (head guy, Mechanicsville branch of Sneaky Corp) says you are leaving on too many lights at night.
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  I don't mind the outside surveillance as much as the indoor, hidden cameras... and yet still you did not know about the tail.
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  Will Apseposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Harry already knows he's going to get his nose tweaked over the tail episode.
  
  By the way. Would you say it was a very furry tail?
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  That's none of your business.
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  Will Apseposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Hmm.
  
  That makes me thing that it was.
  
  Would it have been a very red furry tail?
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Is this something I need to google or have you simply spent too much time in Narnia?
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  Will Apseposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Don't Google the images, lol. We will pass on to other subjects.
  
  How is the weather today?
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  I don't like to brag.
  
  It is miserable. Freezing cold. It's 27 degrees, the wind is blowing, it keeps trying to snow... our downstairs heater and air conditioner have been out since 2009. If I had an extra $10,000 it would be easy enough to replace, but I always insist on feeding the children. The fireplace is helpful and the upstairs heat works so it's not terrible. I'm most concerned about the hundreds and hundreds of birds still hanging around. I'm worried they didn't get the memo... or maybe they're all a bit simple. What's it like there?
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  Will Apseposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Today was lovely. Sunny but mild, with a fresh wind.
  
  In the North, temperatures have plunged to about 25 (Celsius) and the government is worried children and old people will start dying.
  
  My town is very quiet since about a quarter of the population have headed to Bangkok to overthrow the government, again.
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Are you saying it's in the high 70s there? Are you able to get Thai food whenever you want? It's my favorite.
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  Will Apseposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  I'm not joking about the mass exodus to Bangkok to overthrow the government. So yes, Thai food is pretty easy to find. But finding a restaurant that is open is almost impossible, at the moment.
  
  That is why I ended up getting so drunk the other day. No restaurants open. Just a couple of bars in the center of town.
  
  p.s. even I start to shiver when it drops below 80 F.
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Do you and your wife feel safe there now?
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  Will Apseposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  There is no conflict here. The population is united in a shared delusion and so peace reigns. Same thing in the North. Problem is, up there, it is a different delusion.
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  Beth37posted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Well as long as your safe.
  I must continue on with my book now. Please send me some ginger chicken when you have the chance... remember: Beth37, USA.
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  Will Apseposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Good plan. I will send mittens too....
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Beth37posted 8 years ago
Here, Ive posted a pic for you. I don't want to hear any more about it.
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  Will Apseposted 8 years agoin reply to this
  Wow. A selfie!
  
  Now that is a tail!!
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