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Self-Help: Building Self-Confidence & Charisma To Attain Success

Updated on August 8, 2013

Self-confidence is one of the most important aspects of our daily lives yet many of us often struggle to find the confidence we need to achieve our ambitions.

Unfortunately for many people, a lack of self-confidence can result in self-doubt which leads to the belief that the confidence needed is to never be found. This then affects people's ability to become successful.

We all know of someone who is a confident speaker, charismatic and who seems to raise the morale as soon as they walk into the room. Someone who grabs everybody's attention and seems to put everyone in a good mood. Someone who holds people's attention and always manages to get their point across.

These people tend to have qualities that everyone admires and they manage to successfully build trusting relationships with people.

If such a person was to speak at a conference or provide a talk they would come across as being professional, assertive and they would be listened to and taken seriously but if the person giving that conference was being given by someone who appeared nervous and lacking in self-confidence and who was overly apologetic it would give the impression that they do not have confidence in what they are saying.

Self-confident people tend to inspire self-confidence in others and gaining the confidence of others helps them to become more successful at what they do. Fortunately, confidence is a learned behaviour and so anyone can learn to become more confident in themselves.

Building Self-Confidence

The amount of self-confidence a person has shows in many ways including through posture, body language and how they speak.

Differences between self-confidence and a lack of self-confidence:


  • Does what they believe is right despite being ridiculed or criticized for it.
  • Is willing to take risks and go the extra mile.
  • Admits their mistakes and sees them as an opportunity to learn from those mistakes.

Lack of self-confidence:

  • Cares too much about what other people think.
  • Fears taking risks and working outside of their comfort zone.
  • Covers up mistakes and hopes they can be repaired before anyone notices.


Although it's important to be self-confident, it's also just as important no to be over-confident.

People who are overly self-confident come across as being smarmy and insincere in their intentions and their ways and may be perceived as a threat. Nobody likes a know-it-all.

It's important to learn how to maintain a balance between not having enough self-confidence and being overly self-confident.

You need to base your self-confidence on your true genuine skills, achievements and abilities and your confidence needs to be grounded in reality.

One good way of achieving self-confidence is by modeling yourself on someone who is already confident and successful at what they do.

You would simply watch how they deliver their speeches at conferences or how they act in group settings and then model your own behaviour on theirs - you put yourself in their shoes and act as though you are them by adopting their behaviours and mannerisms.

However, this shouldn't be taken too literally, you don't want to pretend to be them. Modeling is actually a huge part of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and so for more information on this particular topic I suggest you read my articles on NLP.

In addition, the following series of steps can help you to achieve self-confidence.

1. Reflect on your achievements.

What skills, ambitions and desires have you already achieved in your life so far? Can you speak clearly and get an idea across? That's one skill you have - good communication skills.

Have you ever completed a training course or learned to play an instrument? That's another skill and another achievement. Have you ever utilized those skills as part of a job? If so that's another achievement.

Do not be tempted to underestimate yourself. Maybe at some point you did something that resulted in a key achievement or in a positive outcome for the business. These are all small successes that make you who you are - you are multi-talented and multi-skilled.

You should write down all of the achievements you have made in your life, no matter how small, and reflect on them regularly. You will be surprised just how many achievements and skills you really have.

2. Think about what you want in life and where you want to go.

By visualizing and thinking clearly about the things we want in life and imagining what it's like to already have them as crystal clear as possible, we increase the likelihood of us going on to achieve those things.

This partly comes down to something called the fundamental law of attraction. In addition, it's important to genuinely desire those things so that we can set goals and work towards them. The idea is to identify your strengths and weaknesses and set goals that accentuate your strengths and minimize your weaknesses.

However, it's also important to realize that achievements must be worked towards step by step, preferably in as small steps as possible.

3. Work towards self-discipline

Try to expel any negative thinking from your life, it's all too easy to believe that certain achievements are too difficult to accomplish and this causes self-doubt which places limitations on our ability to attain those achievements.

For example, many people believe that the music industry is just way too competetive and although it's true that the music industry is very competetive it's those musicians who think and act positively, regularly visualize what it's like to have those things, act confidently and do not let any negativity wear them down that go on to achieve success.

4. Improve your posture.

The way that you carry yourself actually makes a profound difference to your mental state. The body and mind are one system and one cannot be affected without affecting the other.

By adopting a good posture and standing (and walking) with your shoulders back, your head up and your back straight you will develop more self-esteem. Self-esteem and self-efficacy both contribute towards self-confidence.

We gain self-efficacy when we go on to successfully master new skills and make new achievements and this makes us more confident in those areas. This also boosts our self-esteem and makes us feel more proficient and competent in such areas.

5. Prepare yourself and accelerate.

Once you have a crystal clear image of what you want to achieve, you need to ensure that you have the skills to achieve those things. This may result in the necessity for a learning curve but as long as things are taken step by step there is no reason why this learning curve cannot be accomplished.

Make small steps to push yourself to become better at what you do. Practice makes perfect and anyone can continuously push themselves to become better at something with the right motivation and drive.

Stretch yourself and prove what you are capable of. Once you start to push yourself and begin to realize your ambitions in life and start to turn them into a reality your confidence in yourself will begin to increase and your body language, behaviour and the way you talk will become more assertive - you will seem like you have more trust in yourself (and you will).

By Sparkster


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    • sparkster profile image

      Sparkster Publishing 4 years ago from United Kingdom

      Thanks That Grrl! Confidence should not be either over or under estimated.

    • That Grrl profile image

      Laura Brown 4 years ago from Barrie, Ontario, Canada

      Great post with more insight than many who post about being more confident.