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How can I overcome low self-esteem?

Updated on November 21, 2018
jacobkuttyta profile image

A freelance writer since 2011 and has been graduated from Indira Gandhi National Open University, Delhi, India

low self esteem
low self esteem

How to overcome low self-esteem?

I have found one service which is available everywhere on this earth. If you can find a human being in a place, then you will find this service. Only men can provide this service. The thing is that it is not only available everywhere, but it is also absolutely free. It is available 24 hours a day & 7 days a week. It doesn't matter whether you are young or old, rich or poor, educated or non-educated, intelligent or unintelligent, male or female, this service is available for you absolutely free of cost. This service is available from parents, teachers, siblings, coaches, relatives, spouses, co-workers, enemies, friends, rivals and all the people you encounter in your day to day life. It is available from the very beginning of your life till to the end of your life. You may be wondering what is this service. It is none other than the Criticism.

Generally accepted psychological research statistic says that by the time one reaches the age of 18, s/he was told "No" about 150000 times and continually told them that they are not good as others. They were told that they are too tall, too fat, stupid, ugly, lazy, too slow, careless, too skinny, too short, less smart than others etc. It makes them think that they are exactly the same as told over and over again.

We often expect far more from others than we expect from ourselves. That is why we criticize others even though we are not perfect.

Many times we find ourselves doing the same mistake. We try to hide it. Because we do not want it to be exposed. But when someone else messes up with the same mistake, we are ready with the jeers.

Beware of the people who want to knock you down

When you are having happiness or success or feeling good about yourself, what do others around you'll do often? They are there to knock you down.

When you are having bad times or feeling bad about yourself, they'll do the same thing. They are there to knock you further down. They will remind you of all that you have done wrong in the past.

I read about a story of a woman who had met her childhood friend after a long time in the bus stop while she was returning from her work. They were very happy to meet again. Her friend was on a short visit to that city and will be returning back to her city the next day. So they decided to spend some time in the coffee house as they have many things to share which they experienced in the past years. They seated comfortably in a corner of the coffee house to share good and bad things happened in their life. They were talking about many things and were ignorant about the time. They spend a few hours talking about their marriage, kids and career etc. When they realize they were too late, they decided to leave and exchanged their telephone numbers for keep in touch with each other.

The next day when the friend who was visiting the city called up to know the reaction of her friend's husband for reaching home too late. Her friend replied "He was very angry and got Historian"

The friend thought that her friend mistakenly said: "Historian" instead of "Hysterical".

To clarify that her friend again asked: "Has he got Hysterical?"

Then the replay came. "No, I said he got "historian" then she explained "I meant it! Historian" he started to remind me of all the bad things I have done from the very first day of our marriage. And they both laughed.

Many times in our life, it will happen. People who are close to us, constantly remind us of the things which went wrong.

We don't get a pat on our back for a job well done, no good feelings for your success. No encouragement. Only hits where it hurts.

That is why many of us feel bad about ourselves. We take all that "No's" and "you cant's" and "you are not good enough's", which we've heard many times in our life and internalize them. We believe it.

Ways to increase our self-esteem

Then, even though we are doing good, we don't feel good about ourselves.

Then, when we get a pat or a compliment, we immediately think either "I am not that good" or "what do they want from me?" Something is up, that is why they are appreciating!

The negative appreciation that we received in the past made us think like that.

Television increases the damage. In every scene we see impossibly good-looking people living or working in amazingly beautiful places. And we believe that there are people who are faster, productive, smarter, intelligent, stronger, better and more beautiful than us.

The end result is low self-esteem.

How many of us are happy about ourselves. Happy about the way we live, the way we work, the way we talk, the way we behave, the way we live our life, the relationship we have, the works we do.

A shift in what we listen and see can boost our self-esteem.

Encouraging words, appreciation, love, respect etc. can make us feel good and comfortable. One of the best ways to boost your self-esteem is to repeatedly say to yourself some self-empowering words like:

~-* I'm doing what I love and I love what I do
~-* I look for fun in everything and I find it
~-* I am fueled by the desire to be the best that I can be
~-* It is natural for me to set and achieve my goals.
~-* My creative mind is the foundation of my success.
~-* I recognize and use my strengths and skills to reach all my goals.
~-* I enjoy taking daily steps to turn my dreams into reality

These are some examples. You can create your own words according to your needs and repeat that words. Saying these words repeatedly to yourself will help to flow the energy into your life.


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    • Mel Carriere profile image

      Mel Carriere 

      4 years ago from San Diego California

      My wife gets historian on me every night. I think one has to construct a protective bubble around oneself and dismiss the damaging criticism as irrelevant to feelings of self worth. In other words, we have to be happy inside our skin. Great hub.

    • Mel Carriere profile image

      Mel Carriere 

      4 years ago from San Diego California

      My wife gets historian on me every night. I think one has to construct a protective bubble around oneself and dismiss the damaging criticism as irrelevant to feelings of self worth. In other words, we have to be happy inside our skin. Great hub.

    • Sheepsquatch profile image


      7 years ago from Springfield, MO

      Criticism can lower self-esteem, but being social and having conversation can help raise it. It is like they cancel each other out.

    • tobusiness profile image

      Jo Alexis-Hagues 

      7 years ago from Lincolnshire, U.K

      Yes, self-esteem needs much to grow, but it doesn't take much to destroy it. we all need constructive criticism, but a thoughtless comment or act can leave us scared for life. good informative hub. Voted up.

    • spsingh profile image


      8 years ago from

      nicely written bookmarked!!!!Most of persons with low self esteem know all these facts but it is hard for them to apply in life !!!

    • jacobkuttyta profile imageAUTHOR

      Siny J 

      8 years ago from Delhi, India

      Thanks all for your love and appreciation. It makes me more humble.

      Thanks a lot for your kind visits and comments.

    • hot dorkage profile image

      hot dorkage 

      8 years ago from Oregon, USA

      Yes I think one more thing, as long as you look to others for validation you will never get it, because other people are too busy looking for validation for themselves and don't give it to you. Why do people look to others for validation, it's because they don't trust themselves to know. So when I evaluate myself I say OK am I really as good as so & so, and if not, how are they better and how can I improve, or if so, good for me I am OK, I don't need somebody else to tell me.

      This is a great hub and I can tell you that I used to think words are just noises but they are powerful, and your brain gets the message that you are telling it, so say out loud: "I am an awesome being, made in the image of God, and I am worthy of love and respect, and I can achieve whatever I really truly want to achieve."

    • Daniela Daljac profile image

      Daniela Daljac 

      8 years ago from AUSTRALIA

      This is one great hub!! Thanks!!!

    • ACSutliff profile image


      9 years ago

      You are very right that the people in our lives constantly remind us of all the bad things that have happened. I completely agree with you and I love your attitude. I can't wait to self-empower myself. :)

    • jacobkuttyta profile imageAUTHOR

      Siny J 

      9 years ago from Delhi, India

      Thanks all for your positive feedback and visit.

      Many blessings to you all!!!

    • profile image

      Low Self-Esteem 

      9 years ago

      Great hub! Focusing on building a stronger sense of self-esteem is essential - because low self-esteem robs you of your spiritual, your emotional, your psychological and your physical energy.

    • drcrischasse profile image

      Cristopher Chasse 

      9 years ago from Boston

      Nicely done, my friend

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Great hub! Thanks.

    • niddz profile image

      nida naveed 

      9 years ago from saudi arabia

      realy nice...

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      it wz really interesting n...great...!!!!

      thank u...!!!!

    • jacobkuttyta profile imageAUTHOR

      Siny J 

      9 years ago from Delhi, India

      Thanks Rod Marsden for your visit and comment.

      Also thanks to Purpleangel47 for your comment and visit.

      May God bless you

    • purpleangel47 profile image


      9 years ago from Baltimore, Maryland

      Self-esteem, or the lack of it is definitely a widespread issue that starts a lot earlier than we realize. And if nobody catches it in us, then it becomes a cycle where we might not catch it in our children.

      Thank you for such a thougtful article

    • Rod Marsden profile image

      Rod Marsden 

      9 years ago from Wollongong, NSW, Australia

      There are things here worth consideration. There is a definite connection between low self-esteem and clinical depression. Working toward a goal does help as you have said. A series of goals is even better. Plus saying the right things to yourself has got to help.

    • jacobkuttyta profile imageAUTHOR

      Siny J 

      9 years ago from Delhi, India

      Thanks all for your visit and comment

    • 2besure profile image

      Pamela Lipscomb 

      9 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

      It is good to know that you can over-come low self-esteem! Voted up.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      thanks a lot

    • abalinga profile image


      9 years ago from South Australia

      A marketing strategy. Build your public profile based on a lie? What result will that generate with potential customers? Angelina doesn't make it seem like " I am fueled by the desire to be the best that I can be". I definitely felt that I was being misled although I admit I had to ask whose picture it was.

    • jacobkuttyta profile imageAUTHOR

      Siny J 

      9 years ago from Delhi, India

      Thanks fyxer for yur comment.

      Regarding your question, please note it's a marketing strategy.

      Thanks for your visit and comment.

      God bless you.

    • fyxer profile image


      9 years ago from mt vernon

      why do you have a picture of angelina jolie instead of your own picture,maybe that is a sign of low self-esteem?

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Wonderful. Self esteem is a struggle for so many of us. It is so much easier to find fault than bolster the good...maybe that is what we thought we heard growing up. Thank you for the reminder.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Wonderful. Self esteem is a struggle for so many of us. It is so much easier to find fault than bolster the good...maybe that is what we thought we heard growing up. Thank you for the reminder.

    • jacobkuttyta profile imageAUTHOR

      Siny J 

      9 years ago from Delhi, India

      Thanks Dream on and Rarebird for your visit and comment.

    • rarebird profile image


      9 years ago

      I read this hub quite later after its posting but its value is a fact. I thank you too.

    • DREAM ON profile image

      DREAM ON 

      9 years ago

      You hit the jackpot with this one.I wish people could understand how they hurt others by saying negative critisms to others all there lives.I delt alot with it from my older brother.It wasn't till I was older that I told myself he was wrong and he has no control over my life.

    • jacobkuttyta profile imageAUTHOR

      Siny J 

      9 years ago from Delhi, India

      Thanks HellKatz for your nice comment and visit

    • HellKatz profile image


      9 years ago

      Jacobkuttyta - Interesting read.

      Thank you :)

    • jacobkuttyta profile imageAUTHOR

      Siny J 

      9 years ago from Delhi, India

      Thanks all for your visits and comments

    • jacobkuttyta profile imageAUTHOR

      Siny J 

      9 years ago from Delhi, India

      Thanks all for your visits and comments

    • tobey100 profile image


      9 years ago from Whites Creek, Tennessee

      Great hub. Even though my problem is the exact opposite (too much self esteem) I still thought it excellent.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      there is so much self help around, and still some of us struggle with low self esteem. This was a practical and helpful hub

    • losestomachfat profile image


      9 years ago from Australia

      very deep hub but full of valuable lessons. I think not enough people 'self evaluate' themselves, that is monitor what they say and do and try to always become better human beings.

    • Lady_E profile image


      9 years ago from London, UK

      Lovely read. I think our self-esteem is affected (positively or negatively) by the people we have around us. That includes, friends, family and even people at work.

      Also, one simple negative word could affect one's self esteem. If only people could change their mindset, they will have no problems with self-esteem.


    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Very nice hub as if you catch the pulse of people with low self esteem very well written wonderful hub.Keep it up with your writing and use the power of pen to bring a difference in others lives.

    • Tony Ballatore profile image

      Tony Ballatore 

      9 years ago

      Lately, I have noticed many people acting as though complements, or kind words somehow diminishes them, so their words are critical, and derogatory. I have found that kind words for others makes me feel better about myself; compliments when well deserved, even better. So with that typed...

      Nicely done, Jacobkuttyta. Thank you very much.

      Tony Ballatore

    • dyesebel10 profile image


      9 years ago from USA

      Good hub.. thanks for sharing.

    • ajbless48 profile image


      9 years ago from Clearwater

      Hello, I have just read your blog. It is so good! I am so glad to meet you here too. It is so exciting to meet a strong believer like you in the other part of the world. Thank you so much for becoming my fan. It helps build up my courage to write.:)

    • T. S. Unami profile image

      T. S. Unami 

      9 years ago from Honolulu

      I was able to instantly connect myself with this hub. Powerful writing!!!

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      You're very intelligent.

    • gd2knw profile image


      9 years ago

      Nice hub Jacob.... i can relate to most of the things you speak about and it is so true glad to be a fan.

    • proudgrandpa profile image


      9 years ago from Charlotte, NC

      Hello Jacobkutta,

      You are my kind of lady. My wife and I have had the privilege of know Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup for the Soul guy) and He says Self Esteem is the common denominator for humanity. I am brave enough to disagree, I think it is worthiness. I will be sharing your writing with those I love and care about. Thanks, NEIL I write a blog :-)

    • tnderhrt23 profile image


      9 years ago

      This very issue is the inspiration for several pieces that I have written about the "power" of words. I have struggled all of my life with "self esteem" issues due to the many negative, hurtful things said by my parents to me early in life and throughout my first 17 years. Those things I internalized, just as you said, and adopted as my "truth" because that is what a child does. Mine has been a life long journey of unlearning and relearning who I truly am, in God's eyes and in my own. The affirmations you refer to have been part of that process for me. I have discovered that when I am busy hating myself, I cannot have a relationship with God for I am in direct conflict with His Creation...and cannot have a healthy relationship with others when I do not have one with myself...I end up allowing myself to be a victim, because that Is what I feel I deserve. This article is a very important one for all the world to read. At the age of 56 now, I am more at peace with myself and God than ever before, take great care with my words so that I am never guilty of damaging the self esteem of others, and strive to be the best me I can. Thank you for this powerful piece of work.

    • My Facebook profile image

      My Facebook 

      9 years ago from London, United Kingdom

      Ver well written. It is so true that wehn you do something bad it will always be remembered. But good things are forgotton of so easily.

      Thanks for the great article.

    • hot dorkage profile image

      hot dorkage 

      9 years ago from Oregon, USA

      Here is my synopsis. Everyone lies. The media lies bigtime. Most people aren't really my friends. I am plenty good. Screw 'em all, they can't make me unhappy.

    • fishskinfreak2008 profile image


      9 years ago from Fremont CA

      Some great ideas

    • mistywild profile image


      9 years ago from Houston, TX (Proud Texan)

      wonderful hub! thanks for sharing.

    • tim-tim profile image

      Priscilla Chan 

      9 years ago from Normal, Illinois

      Great hub! Isn't it the truth? People don't get rewarded for the great things they did in life and they get punished or scolded for what they did wrong. It happens every day unfortunately, whether at work, or at home. It would be nice if we can overlook the bad with the good! Thanks for the great hub!

    • profile image

      Sandi 3m 

      9 years ago

      All very true, thanks for writing this. I have a friend that very much needs to read this.

    • Cari Jean profile image

      Cari Jean 

      9 years ago from Bismarck, ND

      Great hub - self esteem is known to be the root to many of our problems in life. As a Christian, I believe the best way to overcome low self-esteem issues is to get in the Word of God and read Bible verses about how God sees you instead of how you see yourself and soon you will start to see yourself how God sees you.

    • youcanwin profile image

      Neha J 

      9 years ago from Delhi

      Thanks for the educating hub

    • GPAGE profile image


      9 years ago from California

      Great hub! Thanks. This is a very important subject. People do not realize that

      "self esteem" is a major issue. Best, GPAGE

    • mailxpress profile image

      Michelle Cesare 

      9 years ago from New York

      Very well put. I do see your point and do agree to a point. I have had people knock me down but I let them, I learned not to let them and the result was and still is I don't see them much anymore. I turned my life around for the better and pretty much am a happy content person. Not many people in my life are content with themselves. I find many people complain because of their low-self-esteem and unhappiness. Fix it and if you have to tell yourself that in the mirror empowering words do it. Good Hub.


    • ediggity profile image


      9 years ago

      Cool Hub, very good info.

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      I agree with RevLady, fail to have a personal relationship with Christ and you will struggle in self esteem. I know who I was and who I have become and that is simple...a child of God who has a Father that loves me unconditionally. Now that is where self esteem comes from, not from man or the world and what they may say about me.


    • H P Roychoudhury profile image

      H P Roychoudhury 

      9 years ago from Guwahati, India

      Great hub. He who loves himself, loves god. Thanks.

    • RevLady profile image


      9 years ago from Lantana, Florida

      Thanks for a nicely written hub. For Christians, self-worth and esteem is directly related to our relationship with God. We know (or should know) we are valuable because of the high price God paid for us through the blood of His Son, Jesus Christ. Blessings!

    • CMHypno profile image


      9 years ago from Other Side of the Sun

      Hi Jacobkuttyta, very thought provoking Hub. As a hypnotherapist, I find that the root of a lot of clients problems is lack of self esteem. Unfortunately, when we don't like ourselves, its very difficult to love other people properly, so the cycle continues.


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