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In the Arms of the Angel: A Moment with Bill Reflection

Updated on November 18, 2014

Oh Beautiful Release

I first heard this song in 1997. I chose it to be sung at the funeral of my fiancé when she died that year at the age of forty-four. Rest in peace, Margaret.

“Spend all your time waiting, for that second chance, for a break that would make it okay. There’s always some reason to feel not good enough, and it’s hard at the end of the day. I need some distraction, oh beautiful release, memory seeps from my veins. Let me be empty, oh, and weightless and maybe, I’ll find some peace tonight.”

One is too many; one-hundred never enough. The ghosts of the past curl their spectral arms around you, embrace you, caress you, whisper words in your ear that weigh you down and allow for no escape. Reality is painful. Memories are unbearable. Where will the release come from? When will the pain subside? How will you make the “what ifs” fade to black? Where is the key to unshackle you from a prison of your own making?

Second chances come to others more suited to utilize them correctly, leaving you with only self-doubt, self-loathing and self-incrimination, and damn it all to hell, the nighttime arrives and what light there was is engulfed by the darkness of your soul.

One is too many, but it will have to do, have to do, let me be empty, you whisper, but there is no one to hear your cries, only the four walls that comprise your universe on this cold night.

Where angels fly
Where angels fly | Source

You Are Pulled from the Wreckage

“In the arms of the angel, fly away from here, from this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear. You are pulled from the wreckage, of your silent reverie. You’re in the arms of the angel, may you find some comfort there.”

And that’s, really, what your life has been, a train wreck of epic proportions, twisted metal, jagged edges, and torn psyche. How is it possible for one person to err so often, you think, as your hands reach out for relief from the pain, the loneliness, the torment that is you. Drink it down, light it up, shoot it in, just find a way to escape, escape, running on empty as the last glimpse of hope fades from view.

One is too many and one-hundred never enough. You scream but no one hears. You cry but no one sees. Your feelings drip from you as wax from a flame, pooling in the bottom of the vessel that is you.

May you find some comfort here.

And the Storm Keeps on Twisting

“So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn, there’s vultures and thieves at your back. And the storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lie that you make up for all that you lack. It don’t make no difference, escaping one last time, it’s easier to believe in this sweet madness.”

Once you are caught in that maelstrom, you are in for one hell of a ride, so buckle up, grab the hand-holds, and grit your teeth. The troughs are deep, and one wave after another will wash over you, threaten to drown you, then lift you up to the next crest, just high enough to give you some semblance of hope, only to drop you down to the depths again.

Just one more drink and things will be all right. Just one more fix, one more needle, one more toke, one more overeating binge, one more cut on flesh, one more overindulgence with sex, one more, one more, one more….but the demons only leave for a short break, then return with a vengeance, demanding more of you, devouring more of you, and eventually leave you when there is nothing more to take, your carcass stripped so bare that even the buzzards ignore you and fly by.

You’re in the Arms of the Angel

Only then will the angels appear. Only then will two choices be made known to you. You can suckle on the breast of the dark angels, and willingly accept the obsidian blackness that they offer, and finally breathe your last breath, or you can reach a desperate hand out to the angels of light, seek help, beg for help, cry to the gods and the stars to save you, pull you back from the precipice, and make you whole again.

One choice leads to an end to the suffering and the miserable life you have led. One choice leads to salvation and self-love. One is the easy choice, taken by thousands every year. One choice requires the demanding bastards of self-reflection and willingness, and there is nothing easy about it.

But the payout is huge if you open door number two.

It is life!

May you all embrace your kinder angels
May you all embrace your kinder angels | Source

My Thanks to Sarah Mclachlan

“In the Arms of an Angel” was a song written and recorded by Sarah McLachlan for her 1997 album “Surfacing.” It was inspired by the death of a musician, from heroin overdose, on the band Smashing Pumpkins. She said she identified with the feelings that might lead someone to use heroin, where you are “so lost that you don’t know who you are anymore, and you’re miserable, and here’s this escape route.” Ultimately, she said, the song is about loving yourself.

It is a lesson I had to learn the hard way. This past weekend I celebrated eight years of sobriety. I know all about the darkness. I have embraced it and yes, for awhile, it gave me comfort…but then….the comfort was gone and I was left with only misery…and a choice.

If you are suffering from addiction, I wish you peace, and may the kinder, gentler angels spread their wings and give you comfort.

My thanks to McLachlan for the inspiration for this essay.

2014 William D. Holland (aka billybuc)

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    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Very true, Deb! These are tough times for many out there, and we can step up to the plate and hit a home run by simply caring. Thank you.

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 2 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      This piece becomes so true around the holidays. It is when people feel at their worst--especially if they are all alone. We can give comfort, we can dry those tears, and we can surely reach out and provide a reason for those not so fortunate to REALLY live.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      And I thank you again, Anna. :)

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Anna, I greatly appreciate your kind words, especially where you said my sobriety benefits all of you. I really like that and hadn't thought of it in that way. Thank you my friend, and have a wonderful weekend.

    • Anna Haven profile image

      Anna Haven 2 years ago from Scotland

      Bill you always inspire and encourage. Your sobriety benefits us all and I completely agree with you that wealth is something we only realise we have, when we appreciate the importance of love in our lives.

    • Anna Haven profile image

      Anna Haven 2 years ago from Scotland

      Bill you always inspire and encourage. Your sobriety benefits us all and I completely agree with you that wealth is something we only realise we have, when we appreciate the importance of love in our lives.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Sherri. This has been my favorite song now for almost twenty years. Haunting indeed....I think of it as a sweet melancholy.

    • SherriDW profile image

      SherriDW 2 years ago

      First of all congratulations on your eight years!!!

      I did not know the story surrounding this song, but had always found it beautiful and haunting. After learning the background and reading your comparisons, I find it even more beautiful and haunting. I suspect it will always be that way.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Michael my friend, I learned, along this journey, that God will help me if I help myself. It's all in front of me, the secrets to happiness, but it's up to me to do the footwork, and I'm doing it.

      Bless you, kind man. You are a true friend.

    • Michael-Milec profile image

      Michael-Milec 2 years ago

      Great victory Bill, congratulations my friend. Is it ever possible that a human being's choice is the way of living life as you have experienced, or is that truth that the power of darkness intends to destroy as many as possible leading into most horrifying life's misery.?! This is the closest my "experience " of this kind of tormenting life because I feel it by believing you every word you said.

      Thank goodness for your desire to live , giving us chance to know you and to celebrate life you are so unselfishly sharing in all your creative works...

      Congratulations again for not looking back, not going back... My prayer is that the Almighty will keep you safe and saved all days of your - long, healthy and productive life.

      Voted useful, beautiful and interesting.

      Peace be with you.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you so much, Nell. It was a long struggle, but I came out the other side and now life is a joy.

    • Phyllis Doyle profile image

      Phyllis Doyle Burns 2 years ago from High desert of Nevada.

      Sometimes, Bill, it is necessary to go "Walking on the Dark Side" and it seems you have done that more than once. If it helps you, I wrote about that some time ago. I have been there to help others through and was able to because I was there myself long ago. My addictions were of the emotional kind, and deep sorrow over many losses. It helps to have others who are there to support you, but sometimes, we just gotta go through the dark alone and confront our demons. Powerful hub you wrote here. I can see you have the faith in yourself you need to become ever stronger and rise above. Peace and many blessings to you.

      Voted Up+++ and shared.

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 2 years ago from England

      Beautiful piece of writing Billy, and yes I totally understand, my son was addicted to marijuana for a long time, thank goodness he met an awesome lady and now he is drug free, but the panic, despair and not being able to help was driving me insane, well done for eight years free, wonderful!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      PS, thank you so much. It was a struggle...it still is a vigilance...but it was all worth it, my friend.

      Blessings to you and yours this Thanksgiving, and a hug or two for extra measure. :)

      bill

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 2 years ago from sunny Florida

      First of all, that is awesome, that much over-used word, but it is. And it happened one day at a time.

      I have been in the arms of addiction and it nearly took me from this planet. It was not a song as one that is recorded but a song of the ages, the one that woke up the me inside that wanted to be rid of those chains.

      Hearing your voice as you shared this journey gives courage to all who have this challenge ..

      Angels are on the way to you this evening ps Voted up++++ Shared

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      vkwok, thank you for the well-wishes, and bravo for never touching the stuff. You have no need for it, so why start? Love life and the poisons won't be needed my friend.

    • vkwok profile image

      Victor W. Kwok 2 years ago from Hawaii

      Bill, thanks for helping to spread such an important message. And Congratulations on your sobriety. As a kid, being a person with a strong sense of self-preservation, I had sworn never to touch anything like drugs, including alcohol and smoking. In my twenties, and still never so much as took a sip.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Frank! These reflections are a part of who I am....I'm so happy they are so well-accepted by all of you.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      wow when you reflect you touch.. meaningful.. reflection voted awesome

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you so much, whonu....I'm just a guy who had to learn some lessons the hard way. Thank God I learned them finally. :)

    • whonunuwho profile image

      whonunuwho 2 years ago from United States

      Bill you are an inspiration for us all. Thank you so much for your strength of character my friend, whonu

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Seafarer, and peace be with you always. It is a hauntingly beautiful song for sure.

    • Seafarer Mama profile image

      Karen Szklany Gault 2 years ago from New England

      Congratulations, Bill! Such a beautiful hub. The song is featured in the movie "City of Angels," with Meg Ryan and Nicholas Cage...a movie based on Wim Wenders' "Wings of Desire." We also have it on a Celtic music compilation. I have not yet listened closely to all of the lyrics, but will now. ~:0)

      Peace and Namaste!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you so much, Dora. I try to be. :)

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Isaac Weithers 2 years ago from The Caribbean

      Out of "the glorious sadness that brings me to my knees," can come new inspiration to move forward. You're such a positive model in so many areas. Thanks!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Push I will, Social....I have a very good life. I've paid the dues for that life and i'm not giving it up again. Thank you for your kind words....peace be with you my wise young friend.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Venkatachri M....my life is good today, and it will continue to be so as long as I love myself.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you so much, Faith. I am confident that if I keep doing what I'm doing I will stay sober and live a long, happy life. The choice is mine and mine alone.

      blessings always

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Beth. Hiding from one's problems is a recipe for disaster. I won't lie about my past, and I hope others learn from it.

    • social thoughts profile image

      social thoughts 2 years ago from New Jersey

      This is beautifully written. I was always a fan of the song. I wasn't aware it was inspired by Jonathan Melvoin. I guess I was too young at the time. I am glad you can relate to the song, as well. It is always important to hear perspectives such as yours on songs like this one. Keep pushing, friend!

    • Venkatachari M profile image

      Venkatachari M 2 years ago from Hyderabad, India

      A great one like always. I am much moved by the fact that you are experiencing sobriety since 8 years. Very sorry for that and wish you something better.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

      Woo hoo, dear Bill! Congrats on your eight years of sobriety. That is huge, and I know and understand just how huge it is, for this hits very close to home with me and a precious family member who also has celebrated eight years.

      I have always loved that song, but did not know of the meaning behind the writing of the song.

      Here's to the rest of your life being free from those chains that bound you.

      Hugs and blessings

    • bethperry profile image

      Beth Perry 2 years ago from Tennesee

      billybuc, I read your interpretation of this song with interest. You are very frank about your past addiction, and having seen too many people blame their problems on anyone but themselves, your testimony is refreshing. While I've never had this particular problem, addictions are easy to develop and I hope you will continue to stay the course. And I am very sorry you lost Margaret so young. Gods bless.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I hope so, Alicia...I really hope so.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Iris, I bear my soul so others might learn. Here's hoping, my friend, and thank you so much.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Aww, thanks Michelle. I don't know that I started out hoping to be an inspiration. I just wanted to connect with people...maybe still that lonely kid in the corner hoping someone would notice me. :)

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I do believe that, Bill. Thank you my friend.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mary, thank you, and I'm glad you have never known addiction. It was necessary for me to experience it in order to reach this place in my life.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Carol! I greatly appreciate it.

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 2 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      Congratulations on your achievement, Bill. Thank you for creating this hub, which will hopefully inspire and help other people.

    • Iris Draak profile image

      Cristen Iris 2 years ago from Boise, Idaho

      Bill, that was really beautiful and gut wrenching. Congratulations on eight years of sobriety and for having the fortitude to bear your soul to help others.

    • mdscoggins profile image

      Michelle Scoggins 2 years ago from Fresno, CA

      What a great way to celebrate another birthday but by offering others a bit of the peace you have found. You are absolutely right that addiction leads to a choice and only some can make the choice of sobriety and now you have the opportunity to bless so many with this gift you have. I commend the ability that you have to share a slither of your struggle and that others can follow. You are an inspiration for many.

    • bdegiulio profile image

      Bill De Giulio 2 years ago from Massachusetts

      Congratulations Bill. The best is yet to come.

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 2 years ago from Florida

      I think it is wonderful that you have been sober for eight years! Not many folks can say that. I have friends who are addicted to various drugs, including alcohol, but they deny their problem. I've been a lucky woman. I was never addicted to anything, but I can understand how a person can become an addict.

      Voted this Hub UP, etc.

    • Carol McCullough profile image

      Success In Life 2 years ago from U.S.

      Breathtaking and wonderful, I could feel every word!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Jo! If I keep doing what I'm doing I'll keep getting what I'm getting...and that's a whole bunch of love and support.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Flourish. My story is here for anyone who needs it...who needs to know that we all fall down, and many of us find a way, with the help of others, to resurrect. :)

    • Jo_Goldsmith11 profile image

      Jo_Goldsmith11 2 years ago

      Bill,

      My friend and fellow author. Tears gently fell from my eyes to hear the accomplishment of eight years sober! So grateful you allowed the good angels to help guide your way to the light of God.

      Love this song as I sang it at Karaoke after my sister Margie passed in 97.

      Love Sarah McLachlan's beautiful voice as she expresses what it feels like to be hurting so and need that *beautiful release* into peace at heart.

      Awesome work dear man. Up +++ Shared & tweeted. :-)

      Blessings and prayers for many more years of soberity to come.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

      Congratulations on 8 years. Thank you for sharing this very personal story with us.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      It is indeed, Clive. Thank you!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you word55...I love your description...when we don't know any better. True words my friend.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you, Jackie, and great job to you as well. Great minds think alike?

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you very much, breakfastpop....I hope you are having a superb week.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      DJ, I am a rich man. It just took me a while to figure that out.

      Thank you dear friend

      bill

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Ruby, and may God bless you always.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you DDE! I will try to continue to amaze you.

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      Clive Williams 2 years ago from Nibiru

      yes, its wonderful song

    • word55 profile image

      Word 2 years ago from Chicago

      I understand what it feels like to come out of that wilderness. That's what life takes us through when we don't know any better. Thanks billybuc, for sharing. That was a wonderful song/video, In The Arms of an Angel by Sarah Mclachian.

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 2 years ago from The Beautiful South

      A title I used for a hub too Bill and the song; it really fits many troubled situations. So beautiful and haunting. Great job. ^+

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      breakfastpop 2 years ago

      I love this song and I love this moving piece. Up, beautiful and awesome@

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      DJ Anderson 2 years ago

      Congratulations, Bill!

      I am so happy for you. Finding a contentment inside you is far greater than any wealth you might find outside.

      Blessings to you, my friend.

      DJ.

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      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

      God bless you Bill. This was not easy for me to read, yet very beautiful. I love that song too..

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      Devika Primić 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Interesting and a good one from you. You always amaze with such useful hubs to learn from and keep on thinking of.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you for that heartfelt comment, manatita..I know it comes from your heart and soul, in a spirit of friendship, and I greatly appreciate it.

      blessings and peace to you as well

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you jptanabe....maybe my words can save someone else the pain. That's my wish.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      m abdullah javed, you are quite eloquent in this comment, and it is beautiful my friend, and I thank you sincerely.

      Peace be with you

      bill

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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Aww, Kim, thank you so much. Every once in awhile the words just come out right. :)

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 2 years ago from london

      Beautiful woman, Sarah Mc Lachlan, eloquent song.

      Sometimes we need these beacons of inspiration that are all around us. They bring us Hope; help us to dream big dreams.

      Wonderfully written Hub and yes, with some great life lessons hidden in between the lines. Glad you made it, Bro. Glad your eyes are still looking at the mountain, and that, ever alert, you hold your head high. I wish you God's blessings and a prayer for your continued fortitude and giving spirit. Much peace.

    • jptanabe profile image

      Jennifer P Tanabe 2 years ago from Red Hook, NY

      Thank you for your honesty. I've always loved this song, haunting is the right word for it. You've brought it to life very vividly by sharing your own pain and struggles - that's very brave and I commend you for it.

    • m abdullah javed profile image

      muhammad abdullah javed 2 years ago

      A meaningful and tireless journey during tough times appears to be a part of your life. The eight years of a new life is simply depicting the true spirit of you Bill Sir, thanks for sharing personal feelings again, every line appears close to our heart.

      I think the way you have reminded yourself of those eight years of soberity has lessons, of course those dark days have now been turned into blissful days and nights, the credit goes to that choice of yours. I think liberation from addiction need self initiative and a firm commitment without which even angels can't spread their wings for protection. Thanks for the wonderful reflections Bill Sir.

    • ocfireflies profile image

      ocfireflies 2 years ago from North Carolina

      Bill,

      I have been listening to this exact song lots here of late. I did not realize the history behind the song for I remember the movie. I believe this is one of your most heartfelt writes...Beautiful. Just absolutely beautiful.

      Blessings Always,

      Kim

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you russinserra....time does heal, my friend.

    • russinserra profile image

      Russ Inserra 2 years ago from Indianapolis, In

      So sorry for your loss.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you so much, Vellur!

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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Carb, I was born again eight years ago, and I'm not about to return to my old life. Life is good today and I thank God for it....and I thank you for your very kind words and friendship.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Eric, if I keep on doing what I've been doing, then life will remain a wonderful journey. I remind myself of that daily. Thank you my friend.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you buildreps...that means a lot to me and I appreciate your kind words.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Sandra. I'm sorry for your loss and very happy to hear you had a support group that kept you strong.

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      Nithya Venkat 2 years ago from Dubai

      Congratulations on your great achievement, a beautiful song and a great write.

    • Carb Diva profile image

      Linda Lum 2 years ago from Washington State, USA

      Bill, this is so beautifully written. Sara's lyrics are haunting, and you have made them your own, in a way that most of us can relate to--an anguish so deep that there is no visible escape route. Thank you for once again sharing a bit more of yourself with all of us, and thank God for the eight years of new life you have been given.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 2 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thank you for reminding me why I don't take that first step backwards anymore. And my you find many more years walking ahead with head reasonably high.

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      Buildreps 2 years ago from Europe

      Beautiful, Bill. I understand where you came from. You're a good man, my friend.

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      Sandra Joy Eastman 2 years ago from Robbinsdale MN

      I have never suffered from addiction but have watched the struggle of others. I lost the love of my life over 30 years ago and can honestly say had it not been for my children I could have easily fallen into the dark. Beautiful job on the hub.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sha, the day I forget I was addicted is the day I'll go back out again. :) Thanks for your thoughts and kind words my friend.

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      Shauna L Bowling 2 years ago from Central Florida

      Beautifully spoken, Bill. As I was reading this, I silently told myself I've never felt as forlorn or destitute as you described. Then I got to the end and realized that I was once addicted and chose to overcome it. I guess I've wiped those feelings from my being. And that's a good thing.

      Congratulations on eight years. Awesome, my friend!

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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Awww, thank you Randi. You made my day. :)

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      Randi Benlulu 2 years ago from Mesa, AZ

      Just to clarify, while this sing is hauntingly beautiful, those adjectives were about you and your words...

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you so much, Ann! It's been a long struggle, but the final destination was well-worth it.

      Thank you for the "brilliant." Always appreciated. :)

      bill

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      Ann Carr 2 years ago from SW England

      How beautiful and powerful this is, bill! I congratulate you on your eight years of sobriety; you certainly deserve to celebrate for all you're worth. It can't have been easy.

      This is a hopeful and encouraging piece and I love the idea of 'kinder angels'. Your way with words gets this message across with wisdom, truth, hope and support.

      Brilliant, bill!

      Ann

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you very much, Randi. It is such a powerful song, sad and yet hopeful....haunting is my description of that song. :)

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      MizB, thank you for sharing your pain and experience. It is ugly...painful....living misery...all of those things and so much more. I'm sorry your family has been scarred by it, and blessings to you for rising above it and not letting it define who you are.

    • btrbell profile image

      Randi Benlulu 2 years ago from Mesa, AZ

      Wow! Powerful, meaningful, touching! I could probably keep on listing all the amazing adjectives in my head right now... Bill, this is beautiful! I will never listen to that song again without thinking of you. Thank you for sharing.

    • MizBejabbers profile image

      MizBejabbers 2 years ago

      Bill, this is a beautiful piece, and I celebrate your sobriety and peace. I do understand and I have finally made peace with alcohol and learned not to judge others because we are all God’s children and part of the plan. But it used to be different with me.

      You see, I’ve been badly hurt by alcohol, three generations of it, in fact. As a teenager, I was a teetotaler because of the effect of alcohol on a couple of people I loved very much in my family. I then married, and one of the reasons I said yes to this man was because he said he didn’t drink. We were young and in college and as soon as he turned 21 and took his first drink, he was hooked. It hurt us and our children and broke up our marriage. Now one of my children has had to admit that he is an alcoholic and turn away. I don’t believe that he would have done so if he had not contracted two diseases that will eventually kill his kidneys, a rare autoimmune disease called Henoch Schonlein purpura and diabetes.

      I did learn to drink socially and that I, myself, had nothing to fear from alcohol. Once in a while I enjoy a glass of wine or a gluten-free beer (made from molasses, pretty good stuff if you like a light beer). As I say, I’ve made my peace with alcohol. I’m glad that you have.

      I’ve always loved that song by Sarah McLachlan. Voted up and beautiful my friend.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Awww, thanks Janine. If my words help one person then they are well worth it. Have a tremendously successful day my friend.

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 2 years ago from New York, New York

      Bill, this was beautiful and as you know I have known my fair share that have suffered from addictions and definitely hope that for those who may still be this song and your words do inspire. Thank you always and hoping you are having a great day so far, my friend.