I think I can't relax about it because I need to add at least a little income to the household. I feel like I'm doing a lot of researching and stressing out and a little housework... and not doing anything especially well.
Now I found an online job, and they are trying to require I be available from 8-4. Didn't I say I don't want to be cornered, working for someone else, in an inflexible situation?! Now I'm making less but pretty much working full-time stuck at the computer all day! So, I'm still home all day but not achieving much for my household and still not the happy mommy and wife I want to be.
But I dare not go back to earning nothing. I don't want to feel/seem lazy. It's so taxing not knowing what I want to do with my life or what will make me happy. I have two Masters, but I have yet to truly love any job! My parents can't believe I am "wasting my education and skills". Of course I don't see it that way! I don't know if I ever want to work again. But if that's the case, I better love being a stay-at-home mom/wife, right? But (like I said before) I don't; that unfortunately doesn't excite or fulfill me. I really wish it did. But then again, it may be because of money that I won't let myself.... I hope I made a little sense lol!