Unlike my previous forum topics, this does have a lot to do with me. I just broke up with someone that I cared very deeply for. I can't say why I was the one that decided to end things, but I can tell you that I did have very good reasons to break up with her. I can't tell anyone here what those reasons are either, as that would involve a very long story...and I'm not in the mood to tell it...or even the gist of it.... Besides, all I want to know from you people is how do you move on after you break up with someone after being with them for so long?
Any advice will do, as I feel horrible for doing it. Sure, all my family and friends that know me tell me that I did the right thing, and many of them even commented saying that the only thing I did wrong was waiting this long to break up with her. However, I still feel horrible nonetheless. To be honest, I don't know if I'll ever want to love anyone else again, as it hurts too much.
Never look back. Move forward. You can do it.
Life is a journey, you will meet many people, some will pass some will stay so look after those who stay.
Looking for new people who will stay will soon make you forget those who passed through your life.
You state: “I did have very good reasons to break up with her.” And you say, “I feel horrible for doing it.” Sometimes doing the "right thing" is the hard thing. It's easier to "just go with the flow". It takes (courage) to make a major change in your life.
I recently wrote a hub on this subject titled: A Breakup Method
In the hub I acknowledge what few people ever state; breaking up with someone can be just as difficult as being dumped. Some key things you need to do are detach yourself from their life. Don't offer "instant friendship" as a "consolation prize" It give your ex false hope. Stop worrying about looking like "the bad guy' to your ex. Go "cold turkey" with making any contact with them or acknowledging contact attempts they make towards you for 6 months to a year. You are the last person who can help them get over you and vice versa. Unfriend them from Facebook, avoid going to places they are likely to be. Spend your time with family and friends. Time is the only cure for getting over a breakup and taking action is the only cure for getting out of depression. I used the following two quotes for my hub.
“Being with no one is better than being with the wrong one.” - Anonymous
“Giving up doesn’t mean you are weak! It only means that, you are strong enough to let go.” – Unknown
Ah. This is an age old problem, friend.
Sadly, we can all give you what we think is the best advice in the world, and it's still going to take as long as it takes. Oddly enough, I believe that most people do not fall 'out of love' the same way they fell 'in love.' Once we've truly loved someone, that never actually goes away. The familiarity of daily contact and the joy that we feel from opening our hearts to someone completely....that's what we lose....the habit of loving, I'd call it.
Be easy on yourself. If it was meant to end, who ended it doesn't matter. Let yourself grieve. It HURTS. And it's the death of a life you shared with someone else. Let yourself be comforted by the fact that you did what was right for both of you, if you truly believe you did. Hurt when you need to. Cry if you have to. Once you can look back on things without feeling nothing but pain, you're ready to start moving forward.
All the best. I've been there. It sucks.
Give yourself some time to heal-In all likely-hood you will go through the stages of grief (that's completely normal.) No one has ever died from a broken heart it just feels that you will. Concentrate on things that make you happy and eventually move on.The best cure is loving yourself enough to eventually let go.
Yeah...that's kind of part of the problem. I was never really too fond of myself before even getting into the relationship, so I doubt this is going to help.... However, I can see what you're saying, and thank you for the sound advice.
Enduring grief is extremely difficult at any time, whether it is the loss of a loved one or the end of a relationship. It hurts like hell.
What I have done in the past is spend time with friends and family and did things I had short time for but upped the amount of time doing the activity. For example, on every second Saturday I went and saw, not one but two movies at the picture theater. Or I really read a newspaper instead of skimming most articles. Or I spent time in the garden and 'cleaned house'
Time will help heal and allow you to move on, but doing things and being active will lighten the load.
Hope this helps.
Yeah, I might just do that...besides i've been falling behind on film reviews anyway on here, so maybe it's about time I started focusing on those for a while.... Anyways, thanks for the advice Kangaroo Jase. I appreciate it.
Are you still in love with her, or are your feelings more about guilt?
I broke up with a long-time partner once. We'd been together for several years, but for the last few years I'd known I wasn't happy. The thing was, I couldn't bring myself to finish it because I couldn't bear to hurt the guy - and I knew it would hurt him. So I kept struggling on.
Then one day I woke up and thought, "what are you planning to do? Keep on struggling on for the rest of your life? When is it going to be the right time to end it?" I realized that I was going to have to leave one day, and the later I left it, the harder it would be for both of us to start again. So I did it.
I felt awful. I still feel guilty about the pain I caused him. Even if you know someone isn't right for you, once you've been together for a while there's a familiarity and a fondness there. There's an empty place in your life all of a sudden, and it's very tempting to fill it by running back to what you know, rather than striking out into strange territory.
So that would be my first recommendation - examine your feelings and work out why you're feeling bad about this break-up. Is it guilt? Is it losing your comfort blanket? Or is it genuinely a broken heart? Knowing what you're dealing with may make it easier to handle.
I guess time is the best healer as they say.
Meanwhile, I think you had your reasons to break up with her, and I must say it was really brave of you to have made the decision, whether right or wrong is not the question here because deciding to end any relationship takes a lot .. which many of us cant and we keep staggering along or just ignoring it even when things are not right, just coz we are scared of the after effects.
If this is any sort of relief to you then you should know that you are not alone, everything is gonna be okay with time.
For now you can indulge yourself into some activities you like.. may be swimming , watching movies or writing some article for hub pages.. anything that keeps you busy and makes you happy even for a little while.
Good Luck !
Like others here have suggested, keep busy! Hang out with your buds and visit your family members. You'll need a support system, so open up to those closest to you. Talking about your feelings can be cathartic. Yeah, I know most of you men don't really like to do that, but...
I understand this feeling. Breaking up with someone that you loved deeply feels like you lost part of yourself, and you have. You lose that part of yourself that was meant for the other person. It will seem like you will never be able to move on, but you will and you'll be fine. Be easy and gentle with yourself and respect your feelings. Give yourself the space and time you need to heal and move on. I have a poem I wrote about where our love goes when we let it go, I don't want to post it here, but it was inspired by a break-up that was tough for me to get through. We live, love, lose, laugh, live, love.... it's all part of the journey. Spend time with your friends and keep a notebook nearby if you like to write.
Are you going to see Jurassic Park 3D this week? I know it's in theatres now for a short period of time.
Hi Steven. Breakups are a hard reality that many people have to live with. I just came out from a 5 year relationship seven months ago and I felt like crawling under a rock during the first weeks.
What worked for me was to do different stuff that I used to do when I was with her. I started seeing friends I left aside and it helped me a lot even if I felt like a pile a dirt when I was with them, it helped. I started doing sports, working out and going for some sessions of jogging. When out a lot more and even dated some girls but that took some time because I thought my ex was the best match for me in this universe. The thing is there are plenty of other girls that are similar to your girl. I upgraded my clothes and it helped me leveling up my self esteem.
The worst thing I did? Well staying alone was hard because you don't have any other choice but to think about her.
I am sorry to hear about that buddy. I would say that there is not a set way on how to quickly move on or get over it, but time heals all wounds. From the sounds of it you already know it was the right thing to do, so that is half the battle.
If you know the pain is disconnected,should we also have to think twice when going to end the relationship.And if forced to,make this as a lesson to be more careful in determining the future.
Your story sounds similar to experiences I can relate to. However, it lacks one thing, a kid. it's a good thing you did not have one with her since that could make it even longer, or shorter depending on your patience level.
I'd say you need to do the things you love and meet people with similar interests.
Do what made you happy before meeting her and do those things.
Yes, life is a journey so enjoy it and meet more people. It can be more difficult when your job does not have lots of daily contact with people but stay strong. It is for the better.
I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago now, we were together for 5 years so I get where you are coming from. I didn't feel bad though because deep down I knew it was the right thing to do. It felt odd for a while and I was a bit lost at first, but as time goes on I'm actually enjoying being single. If you're finding it difficult try and remind yourself of all the reasons why you had to do it, don't beat yourself up about it, it is just a fact of life and in time you will both get over it.
I find keeping busy and doing lots of me activities is very helpful. It stops you from dwelling on it and you feel pretty good after all the productive stuff you have done. I also find a new pair of shoes and a tub of ben and jerry's (or any other type of delicious ice-cream) makes you feel like a million times better. Chin up and I hope you feel better bout the situation soon.
if you have any issue in your relationship. contact robinson.buckler @ yahoo. com his love spell is absolutely wonderful!
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