Do you think that your sibling position effects your confidence and approach to others?
I'm the youngest of five. As a child my opinon was seldom heard or listened to. I grew up feeling like a nuisance and would be loud and outrageous to mask it. My partner is the oldest of three, she is wracked by guilt and control issues (like my oldest sister is), always trying to get things right but she is confident about her opinion and considers that she must be heard and listened to ... unlike me. I believe that sibling position, quite naturally, has a huge effect on who you are and who you become...and is a very difficult habit to break. What do you guys think?
I am the middle child of five: older sister and brother, younger brother and sister. With my own children it's boy, girl boy. My children are now all grown up. So here are my views:
I think it depends very much upon the way you are treated as a child. Generally, the eldest cops a lot of criticism and scolding as the 'learner parents' endeavour to learn parenthood. By the time they've had two or three, they've learned the ropes and the younger children get it more easy. This quite often results in a more extraverted, confident child.
I stick by this by observation due to the remarkable differences in confidence and adjustment to life between my elder and younger sisters, the younger being far more gregarious, confident and worldly-wise.
I think birth position does have a tendency to shape a person with respect to assertiveness. Often older children will have responsibility for watching out for younger ones which can develop assertiveness and from that confidence in "running the show".
Middle children often negotiate family life amongst siblings and may gain experience as mediators whereas youngest often may be the least assertive. The middle and youngest may develop other talents like art or are more likely to become the humorist or "joker" of the family.
These personality traits are not entirely rigid, however. My boyfriend, for instance, is the second child but clearly the leader among the siblings and the youngest has developed a craft with carpentry and strong "business skills" for life from that.
As parents, it would be ideal if the best traits of each sibling could be brought out. Leadership does tend to fall heavily to older kids, however.
Even though it has a bearing on the way you think and feel to a certain extent, I do not believe it is difficult to break free from such mindsets.
Yes the younger ones have it easy and are more confident than the oldest, the oldest is often saddled with responsibilities and and are more timid..this is the general trend...
Though these do play a part , they are just a part and not the whole of what goes into the person you are.
As a person you cannot hide behind such excuses, now it is up to you to use the potential you have build your confidence level and move on in life.
Just learning and using a few techniques may help change the way you approach life
It may help you to know that I have many hubs on the subject of self improvement ... may help you... best wishes!
Sofs, what you have stated is true and analytically spot on.Oldest children become the lesser as a result of the birth or succedent siblingsThey literally & proverbially get the shaft The only ones who benefit from siblingship is THE YOUNGEST chi
Although it may have an influence on how you view things, the most important thing to always remember is YOU are in control of your life and destiny! First born or last born does not change the fact that only YOU can make decisions that form your life. Happines is what you deserve, You attract what you need and want by making your own path. Be positive and know that you are capable ot great things!!
Most definitely! And the older I get, the more I realize that the stronger we build our personalities and work to make them into the "outside" us through training, seminars, classes etc....as we age, somehow, we seem to shift as the pressure to achieve so much when we are in that high pressure world of our 20's 30's and earaly 40's.
Sometimes even in our early 40's it will start to show...that birth order has really a lot to do with our confidence, our family relationships and how we deal with others in general. Those skills we learn early in life seem to creep back into our subconscious and we find ourselves wondering why our behavior is actually regressing. Perhaps it has something to do with that "mid-life crisis" or reclaiming youth or the fact that we are starting to see our kids go off to college or that they need us less and less. One for the psychologists to figure out.
But this question is one that I've looked to my own siblings lately and thought, "hey, are we back in grade school again? because we used to be more adult."
I am the youngest and the only girl, and I have had my own "special needs" in all the years that I have been unconciously competing with my brothers. I dealt with it by going my own way and by doing the unusual, and providing myself with rare and unusual relationships that are not similar to my brothers' experiences. I had what was normal, until I felt that my brothers had written me off, due to my own failures or mistakes. I could have been rescued from so many mini disasters, and when they did rescue me, they always seemed to express their view. I guess I could say that I will never be a copy cat to my brothers.
It seems like that is an issue my wife has with her siblings and she has noticed similar issues in our children as well.
As an only child, I never had to worry about this. In fact, people can describe me as very low-keyed and not attention seeking at all because I was the center of my parents' attention. I always had free reign to discuss issues with them. I could talk to my parents any time I wished.
Because I was an only child, I could relate to adults and older children better than my same age peers. I found children my age and younger to be stupid, slow, and immature. I felt out of place with those ninnies. In elementary and high school, an overwhelming majority of the students were stupid and puerile to say the least. The most mature children were only children; even the oldest children in their families acted very immature.
As an only child, I have no patience with slow and stupid people. People must be highly intellect and culturally aware before I would associate with them. I find most people average to mediocre, to say the least. Very intellect and cultural aware people are so rare.
I agree the oldest has the most duties take care of. the youngest gets the most love and is allowed to be lazy while the middle children are forgotten and tend to cause trouble for the youngest child because of the attention he gets. the oldest has to deal and take care of all of his younger siblings. i was the middle child growing up and was quite the pain towards my younger brother and when i was younger and my brother wasn't born then i had to deal with crap from my older sister and my oldest sister had to help deal with the chaos surrounding us when mom and dad weren't there, but it most likely depends on the age between the siblings and the genders.
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