my husband verbally and physically abuses me .what shall ido
Is my husband suffering from some mental problem ?
And when his name-calling has caused you to risk your emotional and physical health, or you have come to hate yourself, then you are absolutely involved with the verbally abusive man.
You need support. Marriage guidance councelling might help for both of you. However, it depends on your situation (kids etc) and the level of abuse as to the right action. Whatever, you need to talk about it with an impartial professional.
Have him arrested - he is a criminal - and move home so that he cannot find you when he gets out of prison. If you do nothing he may well kill you. Look at the statistics - most murders are committed within families - and within these it is generally husbands killing their wives.
I think you already know the answer to that question. There are two scenarios here.
1 - your husband abuses you in a shoving, perhaps outbursts of name calling anger sort of way
2 - your husband is full out abusing you, you've lost your self worth, you've lost your initiative, he leaves serious marks on you or causes you serious physical harm, and you receive an onslaught of verbal abuse that calls you down and makes you feel this [---] big.
a - you want to stay with him because you love him, and you know somewhere inside, he loves you back. You want things to go back to the way they once were, or you want things to be the way you know they can be. You want to know the way to make this stop and the way to get him back to the person you fell in love with. You shy away from the thought of leaving because you will feel guilty for leaving, as if you are not simply leaving the relationship, but you are hatefully discarding him from your life and leaving him to the wolves.
b - you want out, you need out, you try to get out and are stopped, you wish every day things would get better, but in that little tiny remaining piece of clarity way down in the bottom of your heart, you know they won't.
When it comes to kids, they are an extension of yourself. If you are being abused, they are being affected, if not also being abused. If you need to leave, so do they. You're not taking your children away from their father. You're protecting your children from someone who is hurting them and planting life long hurt in them.
I'm assuming that since you are asking for outside opinion that you are somewhere between a and b, which means you're still in a place where you can muster up what it takes, stand up for yourself, realize he's not the be all and end all of your life, nor are you of his, and leave the situation before it gets to a place you know it can go. If your husband has lost respect for you enough to be doing this to you, there is nothing you can do at this point to help him, except to leave, and insist that he get counseling. After that, it's a draw. You either give him a second chance when (and only when) you have confirmation from his counselor that he is better, or you leave and find yourself that little piece of happiness we all deserve to have.
Take care of yourself first and foremost or you won't be able to take care of anyone else.
You are the cake, he is simply the icing.
I'm not sure if you can do this or not, I'm new here and haven't looked it up. I wrote a hub on domestic violence from personal experience and thought maybe you'll find it, if not helpful at least interesting. If nothing else, you'll know you're not alone.
when any one beats of verbally abuses someone esle its a form a method rather often used to control the other party it is my beilfe that men who hit women have most likley sufferd from or seen abuse in themselves or someone they love this is a learned behavor like drug addiction it can become habblit forming leaveing the victim in a horrible situation. leaving him is up to you iam not going to tell you what to do you need to make that deshion for yourself if you feel you are in immaite dangor and your life is threatened then you need to go esle where for help. If you want to stay with him my suggestion is therapy and support groups many men deal with this issue and to many women fall victim of this cycle its a patern that needs to stop in oder for you and him to regain a happy and healthy marraige if he loves you he will own and get help for his issues the issue is always deeper than what it seems to be
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