What if nothing works? Not positive reinforcement, not time out, not even negotiations?
and not even therapy?
Be encouraged you can and will make it through, first work on your own heart's anxiety! Calm yourself!
Then after you have taken a moment or two to breathe and achieve a sense of peace, think about the boys. Think about their personalities, what makes them happy or excited?
What makes you pleased that they are yours! Then talk to them quietly and lovingly, remembering that you and your behavior influences their reaction to what you are trying to do for them.
Remember you are not alone! Then keep ticking off all your options about how to care for them. The best way i know of is to start with what they are eating. Dyes, sugars and the chemicals in food have been known to contribute problems!
I remember asking myself that same question and not getting an adequate answer. ODD can be very difficult to manage, and harder still to understand.
I learned that my son's ODD was worse when he was hungry and tired. To this day, if he has an episode, I deflect the tirade and feed him. When he is tired, I do my best to ignore the words (not easy at times, as they can be very hurtful,) feed him, and put him to bed. I found that low blood sugar and lack of sleep are two major culprits for bringing on an episode.
Something you need to keep in mind is, your child is growing and changing daily. What worked one day may not work the next, and vice versa.
I found that different techniques worked at different stages of development.
The hardest thing to do amidst all the change and behaviours is to be consistent. Reward the little things - when your child surprises you with good behavior - make sure you recognize the achievement - I know sometimes they are few and far between. There were a few years that I thought I would never be able to make a difference - that my son's behaviour would never improve. I tried everything I was told in the hopes that something would help - a lot of trial and error.
I kept my son in counseling for many years (as a matter of fact, he still sees a counselor,) and I kept trying.
Some of the things I tried worked (a few times) and that gave me the strength to keep going. Unfortunately, there is not one single thing that is the magic answer. Learn everything you can about the disability - knowledge is power, knowledge is strength, and you need both to survive the ride!
You can contact me through HubPages - I might have a few solutions that you haven't tried yet that might help. Stay strong, and be kind to yourself...you aren't alone.
Daffy- They get about 98% of my attention and about 99% of their "dad" attention. By "dad" I am talking about the man in their lives who is more of a father than their birth father, so attention is not the issue.
Celiegirl- Thank you for the kind words. I know I'm not alone in this disorder. I just wish that something would help lol. I make sure they eat healthy and properly and at a decent time of the day. I don't allow junk food in the house (unless I sneak it into my room which is off limits lol).
Enelle- Thank you for responding to my question! Here is a little back ground on my boys: they are 6 and 10. The 10 year old was diagnosed as early as age 2 with ADHD/ODD with learning disability, his pediatrician stated she noticed the ADHD at 6 months old when he wouldn't take naps during the day and all he wanted to do was play, he slept through the nights but went to sleep about 12 am and woke by 7 am. He wasn't a fussy baby either. He has now had new diagnosis added to him. He has: ADHD/ODD, learning diabled, Anxiety/Panic disorder, anger/aggression, mild conduct disorder. My youngest was diagnosed at age 3 with ADHD/ODD, mild tourettes, and anger/aggression. He is 6 now and has had conduct disorder, ocd, and is dyslexic. I struggle day in and day out with all of this. The medication for the ADHD for both have been switched numerous times to try to find one that works. The ODD is the hardest to control along with anger/aggression close behind. They are both seeing a psychiatrist regularly and therapy once a week. Yet I see no improvement with the ODD. The oldest has been on Abilify for the anger/aggression and I can say that is a blessing. We are still trying to work with the youngest on his conduct disorder issues and the anger he displays when he is told no. They don't eat sugars, of course unless it is the sugars that come in the form of food containing it. They don't have any caffeine or chocolate. The therapist and the psychiatrist aren't totally answering the questions that I have so I just do what I can to get the answers myself. Time out is out of the question with them, spanking is definitely not something I want to do, positive reinforcement is not working much, bribing doesn't work, and negotiations are out of the question as well. Talking to them to find out what is going on is a struggle as well.
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