Why do you feel lonely?

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   DDEposted 11 years ago

   Why do you feel lonely?
   
   Loneliness affects almost every individual one can choose to be lonely or has  to live by their loneliness without a choice. How does loneliness affect your life?

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   Sparkleaposted 11 years ago

   Hi DDE:
   This is a good question. 
   
   Back in 2006 my husband was offered a good job at a company he had been trying to get into for a few years.  Although we were thrilled, instead of day time hours, like with his former job, his hours were 1:00 p.m. to 1;00 a.m. Monday through Friday.
   
   I was so accustomed to having him home evenings, and I looked so forward to seeing him. 
   
   Within two-three days after he started his new job, loneliness set in.  It was a terrible adjustment for me.  I even wept.  That being said, I learned there is no real antidote for loneliness.   The 'blow' of loneliness hit me like a jackhammer.
   
   He has been with this company nine years.  In 2007 he became ill, and he needed surgery.  He was home eight weeks.  The disease (peripheral arterial disease) blocked the arteries in his legs, so he was forced to quit smoking cold turkey.  For some reason, after he returned to work, I found I had adjusted to his working these awful hours.  It was like a miracle.
   
   About three years ago, his manager put him on days.  He is now back home with me evenings, and I was ecstatic when he gave me the news. 
   
   I call this loneliness by choice.  During that time, I rationalized like crazy...I told God I was so thankful my husband was alive, and I said to God, "I don't know how widows do it.  I don't know how women whose husbands are in Afghanistan do it.  God, I am SO sorry for being so selfish!"  After all that, I still felt lonely.  However, I did keep very busy, I left the house, went to the movies, had dates and day trips with friends.  But I loathed coming home to an empty house in the evening.
   
   Regarding those who are lonely without a choice:  my heart aches for them.  Especially those in nursing homes, shut-ins and those who are agoraphobic.  My father-in-law refuses to leave the house.  He has stopped doing everything.  He is bitter...he would not even join us on the holidays.
   When I call him I tell him I love him...But you can't drag someone out of the house who refuses to leave.  And he is VERY lonely.
   
   It is tragic people are so busy, including myself, and it is easy to put off calling or visiting lonely people.  Read the book "365 Thank you's" about a man who messed up his life and wrote a thank you note each day.  It changed his life.  Perhaps we could send out 'thinking of you' notes.  it is wonderful to get unexpected mail.  Blessings, Sparklea

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      DDEposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I know exactly what you mean I felt so lonely ''not by choice'' when I first came to Croatia that I just had to create my new life faster than expected and now I have adapted to my alone time and feel great. Sometimes loneliness can hurt people thank

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   Dave36posted 11 years ago

   I honestly see loneliness differently to most people, & i did at one time used to feel lonely when i was single..Loneliness can only affect us if we let it affect us, & we let it affect us by sitting there thinking/feeling we're lonely..I'm pretty sure loneliness is sent to us (by whom i'm not sure) to get us "off" our chair/settee etc, & "out" of the house in "hot pursuit" of what we want to do with our lives....So to me loneliness isn't sent as a sign that we need a partner, loneliness is sent to us to let us know we should be doing something we love doing for ourselves..We shouldn't have time to feel lonely, because we should at that time be doing something we loved doing or thinking about what we could be doing..As we fill our lives up with things we love doing, we naturally meet other people doing what they love doing....We could of course get a new partner which in theory would end our loneliness, but what about if our partner leaves us what happens next do we go back to being lonely?..So the choice is to see loneliness for what it really is, & that's a sign to start filling your life up with lots more things you love doing..Iv'e been doing this for the last 8 months & it does work, i'm still single but i'm not lonely & iv'e met loads of new friends.

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      DDEposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Hi I just that filled my life with many activities to avoid  loneliness. Great answer. Thank you

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      Dave36posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      That's great DDE, & like i say Iv'e been doing it for the last 8 months..I know it's not easy to find all the things we love doing, & it could take us months..But the alternative is not looking, & relying on luck..Which doesn't make sense

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   lisavanvorstposted 11 years ago

   I really don't feel lonely, except when things are going bad and I can't talk to my mother who died 14 years ago she was not only my mother, but best friend. So when Mother's Day came and my own children wanted to do things for me. I did feel lonely because I missed my own mother. I spent Mother's Day alone by choice and reflected on the good times I had with my mother. Otherwise sometimes I just crave to be alone because life is so busy and I cherish the times I can just thing, write and be with only me.

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      DDEposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with  your kind of loneliness I feel that way being so far away from family thank you.

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   dashingscorpioposted 11 years ago

   There is a real difference between (being) alone and (feeling) lonely.
   It's very possible to (feel) lonely even if you're married or surrounded by friends and family. We feel lonely when we don't feel connected to others or don't believe anyone "gets us"/understands the way we see/experience things. Loneliness can cause depression.
   One may (choose) to be alone but no one chooses to be "lonely".

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      DDEposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you and a helpful answer.

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