Where can I find genuine support for parents of gifted teens with Asperger's?

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   ChristinSposted 9 years ago

   Where can I find genuine support for parents of gifted teens with Asperger's?
   
   My son is academically very gifted, but is struggling so much socially.  Our district has good intentions and they try to be helpful, but they aren't.  Other kids tease him still and it is now starting to impact his life in more detrimental ways.  Today he lashed out at another boy in a very dramatic way - something he has never done before.  I am concerned the school can't do much to help him and I can't control him when I'm not there.  I know how to deal with him one on one and I don't expect the world to revolve around him, but I am so sad that his light is getting dimmed.

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2. 0

   RTalloniposted 9 years ago

   Perhaps there is an online support community of people or one that is not too far from your location.  Definitely do some searches on how home educators are working with their children and supporting each other.  The HSLDA might be a good starting place.

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      ChristinSposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for the suggestion.  I'll look into the HSLDA and see what they have to say.  Sometimes you just need another parent who is going through it to listen and share with .

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3. 78

   Besarienposted 9 years ago

   Your son sounds like my husband as a boy. This is very much his story. He turned out quite all right despite being very bored at school until he got to college. He is a mechanical engineer and a wonderful person. Then, he was the weird, skinny kid, the geek, and did get bullied and beaten up a fair amount. He wasn't diagnosed with Asperger's until he figured it out for himself then got tested which confirmed his self-diagnosis. I think he was about 30 then. He is highly functional but still has trouble in social situation and with eye contact. Sometimes he speaks too loudly with too much enthusiasm for the comfort of strangers. He is self aware and works on it all. I just asked him. He says that he is happy.
   
   He suggested looking into community college classes/summer programs for gifted youth. I was thinking something like martial arts which will help him learn self-control and about redirecting his anger and negative feelings into positive activities. It will give him a lot of self-confidence and self-discipline and of course will be great for him physically. You talked about controlling him. He really needs to learn self-control since you can't always be there. I guess we should ask how old your son is now, how old mentally, how old emotionally, how old physically?
   
   
   Also, I learned with our own son, who is very bright and also very gay, he wanted badly to work out his own problems, with teachers, with bullies. It was often difficult for me to let him. It is in my nature to fight for him, fix things, try to make it all easier. He doesn't want me stealing his challenges and slaying his dragons for him. My son is 16 now. He is entirely self-sufficient, including financially. He recently got a full scholarship to a private college prep academy and has several small business ventures including ebay and etsy shops that make him spending and a bit of savings money. I'm very proud of how well he is turning out. Talk to your son about what he thinks he can do to better control his own anger. Ask him what he needs from you, from school, from his life right now. Best wishes to the both of you.

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      ChristinSposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks so much for this!  I do let him solve his own issues as much as possible, he's 16 but more like 12/13 emotionally.  He's very high functioning and he's been away to camps for the gifted and did fine. It's this school he struggles in sadly.

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4. 90

   NancySnyderposted 9 years ago

   Hi Christin, sadly your son's situation is not unusual.  I work as a substitute teacher, and prior to that I worked with autistic students.  Children have a difficult time enough trying to fit in and find their place in school, but exceptional students struggle so much more.  I am sad to hear that your school is not more helpful.  Unfortunately, many districts are already stretched to the limits, since education cutbacks are the norm.  Still I would make a point to discuss your concerns with your district.  Most special education departments really do care about your children and their welfare.  That is why most have become teachers, despite popular opinion.  Does your son have an IEP, or GIEP in this case?  If not you should definitely have one.  This will help you and his teachers to carefully plan how his educational and social needs can be addressed.  And if you have a GIEP already, and it is not helpful call a meeting to have it adjusted.  Or if it is not being followed call them on it.  It is the law that it must be followed.  Finally, I would recommend that you when you meet with the school you find out if there are other students with similarities to your son.  You can set up times that your son and this peer could meet, work together, have fun together, or participate in clubs and/or extracurricular activities.  This will help build his social skills and his self esteem.  I hope that this helps at least a little, and I will keep you and your son in my prayers.

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