Losing a spouse to suicide while you are separated

1. 59

   spsosposted 15 years ago

   This was my situation. It doesn't matter if it is a spouse, a partner, a significant other, a lover.  It doesn't matter if you were married, engaged, dating, divorced, separated, fighting.  What does matter is that if you ever have the misfortune of being in this situation, you probably have an enormous amount of guilt.  I know that many people have this same emotion from every suicide, but this is a special type of guilt.  We who are left to survive, to make sense of this situation are faced with that ultimate question: "Would he/she have done this if I hadn't...." {fought with them, separated from them, divorced them, cheated on them}.... fill in the blank for yourself.
   
   I don't have the answer to this question, but I know two things for sure.  One, my going back probably would have delayed his suicide.  He did not know how to admit his mental illness much less deal with his emotions.  Two, I would have probably had a very sad existence.  I had a counselor explain it to me in this way; "When you met him, your glass was full, full of your energy, your love.  Every day you gave him a drop from your glass to fill it with energy and love for him.  Eventually, his glass was full, and yours was empty."  Yes, it would have been a lonely, depressing, possibly unbearable existence if I had gone back for the wrong reasons.
   
   If you are an SPSOS (Survivor, Partner, Signficant Other of Suicide), you too have probably have run the gamut of these emotions.  Know that YOU are not alone, YOU are a survivor, and YOU have a bright future ahead of you.  Peace and love....

   replyreport
   1. 61

      Boston_Girlposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      Hmmm well i witnessed who have committed & thought about suicide, The people that have witnessed a lost of a friend, love, or family to Suicide feel like it is their fault for not stopping it..Teenagers now a days are thinking of Suicide as a easy way out of their problem & i don' t think that is right way to go. I think those who committed suicide aren't thinking about those who they are leaving behind & the things that make them smile. They are only thinking about the things that make them upset & the things others say about them.

      replyreport
2. 61

   Lynda Garyposted 15 years ago

   Have you considered writing a hub on this topic?

   replyreport
3. 76

   Shadesbreathposted 15 years ago

   Definately make a hub.  I'd pull this forum thread down and past it into a hub, expand on the ideas.  Add a few pictures and you'll have an amazing, powerful hub.

   replyreport
4. 73

   Hauntyposted 15 years ago

   spsos - Thank you for sharing this experience with us. I hope you have moved on. It was definitely not your fault as everyone is responsible for their own well-being and we can't be centered on other people.

   replyreport
5. 59

   spsosposted 15 years ago

   Thanks everyone, I actually have started a hub, called spsos, my acronym for Spouses, Partners and Significant Others of Suicide.  It is a group I would ultimately like to expand upon and turn it into a non-profit or self-help book, or something else to help others.  I also have a cause on facebook, spsos.  I appreciate your kind words and would love to share my story with anyone and everyone who could value from my experience.

   replyreport
6. 59

   spsosposted 15 years ago

   Me again, I am just thinking that my hub is based on my story more than the underlying guilt/questioning.  What do you think, should I make another hub with the feelings and such, keeping my original hub just my story?  I am brand spanking new to this hub thing and blogging in general.  Thanks in advance for your advice and help!

   replyreport
   1. 87

      Marisa Wrightposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      spsos, HubPages is not a blogging site.  It's a place to write informative articles.  So articles exploring this topic are probably more appropriate, using your personal story to illustrate them.

      replyreport
7. 75

   IzzyMposted 15 years ago

   I think this is a great topic to write a hub, or a group of hubs on.
   Just recently, the daughter of a friend of mine found herself in a similar situation.
   She'd left her partner because things at home were really difficult, and then he committed suicide!
   The thing is, as you well know, if they were going to commit suicide they will do it anyway. It is THEIR mental problem that pushed them to do it, not yours. You did what you could, but sometimes the burden is too much.
   I'm sure hubs on this very subject would be very helpful to the newly bereaved who find themselves in this situation.

   replyreport
8. 85

   donotfearposted 15 years ago

   This is the focus of my work. Preventing suicide.  I see folks with suicidal ideas, thoughts, or plans to end their life. There's no way to tell, for sure, if someone is actually going to go through with it. If somebody really wants to end it, they won't tell anyone. Of my 3 years working in crisis services, I've only lost one client to suicide. It was difficult, but I realize I did everything in my power to prevent it, even getting him in to see a psychiatrist immediately. But he still did it. My heart goes out to anyone dealing with this situation.

   replyreport