Losing a spouse to suicide while you are separated

Jump to Last Post 1-8 of 8 discussions (10 posts)
  1. spsos profile image60
    spsosposted 9 years ago

    This was my situation. It doesn't matter if it is a spouse, a partner, a significant other, a lover.  It doesn't matter if you were married, engaged, dating, divorced, separated, fighting.  What does matter is that if you ever have the misfortune of being in this situation, you probably have an enormous amount of guilt.  I know that many people have this same emotion from every suicide, but this is a special type of guilt.  We who are left to survive, to make sense of this situation are faced with that ultimate question: "Would he/she have done this if I hadn't...." {fought with them, separated from them, divorced them, cheated on them}.... fill in the blank for yourself.

    I don't have the answer to this question, but I know two things for sure.  One, my going back probably would have delayed his suicide.  He did not know how to admit his mental illness much less deal with his emotions.  Two, I would have probably had a very sad existence.  I had a counselor explain it to me in this way; "When you met him, your glass was full, full of your energy, your love.  Every day you gave him a drop from your glass to fill it with energy and love for him.  Eventually, his glass was full, and yours was empty."  Yes, it would have been a lonely, depressing, possibly unbearable existence if I had gone back for the wrong reasons.

    If you are an SPSOS (Survivor, Partner, Signficant Other of Suicide), you too have probably have run the gamut of these emotions.  Know that YOU are not alone, YOU are a survivor, and YOU have a bright future ahead of you.  Peace and love....

    1. Boston_Girl profile image60
      Boston_Girlposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Hmmm well i witnessed who have committed & thought about suicide, The people that have witnessed a lost of a friend, love, or family to Suicide feel like it is their fault for not stopping it..Teenagers now a days are thinking of Suicide as a easy way out of their problem & i don' t think that is right way to go. I think those who committed suicide aren't thinking about those who they are leaving behind & the things that make them smile. They are only thinking about the things that make them upset & the things others say about them.

  2. Lynda Gary profile image60
    Lynda Garyposted 9 years ago

    Have you considered writing a hub on this topic?

  3. Shadesbreath profile image80
    Shadesbreathposted 9 years ago

    Definately make a hub.  I'd pull this forum thread down and past it into a hub, expand on the ideas.  Add a few pictures and you'll have an amazing, powerful hub.

  4. Haunty profile image79
    Hauntyposted 9 years ago

    spsos - Thank you for sharing this experience with us. I hope you have moved on. It was definitely not your fault as everyone is responsible for their own well-being and we can't be centered on other people.

  5. spsos profile image60
    spsosposted 9 years ago

    Thanks everyone, I actually have started a hub, called spsos, my acronym for Spouses, Partners and Significant Others of Suicide.  It is a group I would ultimately like to expand upon and turn it into a non-profit or self-help book, or something else to help others.  I also have a cause on facebook, spsos.  I appreciate your kind words and would love to share my story with anyone and everyone who could value from my experience.

  6. spsos profile image60
    spsosposted 9 years ago

    Me again, I am just thinking that my hub is based on my story more than the underlying guilt/questioning.  What do you think, should I make another hub with the feelings and such, keeping my original hub just my story?  I am brand spanking new to this hub thing and blogging in general.  Thanks in advance for your advice and help!

    1. Marisa Wright profile image95
      Marisa Wrightposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      spsos, HubPages is not a blogging site.  It's a place to write informative articles.  So articles exploring this topic are probably more appropriate, using your personal story to illustrate them.

  7. IzzyM profile image88
    IzzyMposted 8 years ago

    I think this is a great topic to write a hub, or a group of hubs on.
    Just recently, the daughter of a friend of mine found herself in a similar situation.
    She'd left her partner because things at home were really difficult, and then he committed suicide!
    The thing is, as you well know, if they were going to commit suicide they will do it anyway. It is THEIR mental problem that pushed them to do it, not yours. You did what you could, but sometimes the burden is too much.
    I'm sure hubs on this very subject would be very helpful to the newly bereaved who find themselves in this situation.

  8. donotfear profile image86
    donotfearposted 8 years ago

    This is the focus of my work. Preventing suicide.  I see folks with suicidal ideas, thoughts, or plans to end their life. There's no way to tell, for sure, if someone is actually going to go through with it. If somebody really wants to end it, they won't tell anyone. Of my 3 years working in crisis services, I've only lost one client to suicide. It was difficult, but I realize I did everything in my power to prevent it, even getting him in to see a psychiatrist immediately. But he still did it. My heart goes out to anyone dealing with this situation.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)