Hypothetical scenario: I'm going to commit suicide tonight.
Of course I won't but how would you react to someone who threatens to do this. Someone I know, fairly well, committed suicide this year. He had money worries and I feel really guilty that I did not take up his offer of carpentry work from a flier he put through my letterbox. I didn't know he was in financial difficulties. He hanged himself. So dreadful. Apologies for bringing this up at New Year but It stays in my mind.
Happy New Year to all hubbers and please seek help from friends and family when you feel low.I had a friend kill himself New Years eve 1995, we had gone out and then back to his house everything seemed normal. He said he was going into his room to shoot himself and we all laughed thinking he was kidding. He wasn't.
whoa.. I was shocked at this post. So glad you were not serious. I am so sorry to hear of your friend..I have not had anyone close to me do that but I can imagine how horrible it must be knowing someone you love was so very hopeless to that extent. So very sad
Apologies for starting this post in this way. I regret writing this way. This really should have been given a different title. Is there a way of deleting this? I do appreciate the heartfelt comments and just wish I had asked a more direct question.
Don't worry about it seanorjohn, suicide just seems to rear its' ugly head at new year. I knew someone who committed suicide and none of us who knew her superficially had the slightest idea that there was something wrong. It played on my mind for ages, that I spent time with this woman who, with hindsight, was crying out for support. It's just part of life I guess, some people need to bail and leave the rest of us wondering - what if?
seanorjohn- No need to apologize.. you needed to get it out. It is also interesting to see everyone's view on suicide. One more thing.. it is bringing awareness and that is always good. Happy 2013 to you. PS Is it sean or john?? Your username....I always wanted to ask.
Hi Jamie, my name is Sean. And thank you so much for your kind comments. Yes, we need to face this terrible phenomena. I have always been called Sean but unfortunately I was registered at birth as John. This is the result of having an Irish mother and an English father. Most of my official documents say Sean but unfortunately my passport says John. It causes probs.
No one really hangs themselves. It was murder.
I had a friend attempt suicide and I'll never treat depression the same way again. If someone I care about is clearly depressed, I always try to send a little love their way just to let them know they are appreciated.
I am so sorry you had to go through that. It must be hard not to feel guilty when you think you might have helped someone and didn't. But you didn't know, so stop whipping yourself. You could still help those whom you see needing help, like the homeless and the hungry. Drop some money into their cans, or donate at many pickup points in your city.
One of our hubbers had a hub recently, about making up parcels of necessities like socks, gloves, hats, blankets etc and distributing them where you see the need.
And I find, when somebody asks for work, he or she is most probably in need.
Stop feeling guilty,and enjoy your New Year.Thank you for your kind response. My overhelming feeling is one of sorrow. Hope you always have great friends and a great life. Happy 2013 to you.
I always give beggars the benefit of the doubt. So pleased that Hubpages changed this title. Somehow they changed it to a hypothetical question. So delighted. Hubpages rock.
I so agree, SeanorJohn, this title is soooo much better!!
I agree it was really brill that they changed the title. Apparently, we can't change the title ourselves but a member of staff said we could put this forward as a possible change. I have noticed that sometimes some seriously good writers on Hubpages made a careless error in spelling that they then apologise for when it was clearly a simple typo. Surely it would make sense to add this feature. Yet, I understand how it may be abused. Anyhow, I am truly grateful for Hubpages changing the title and it stopped me looking like an attention seeker. To be brutally honest, I may have had one or two glasses of wine too many and it affected my judgement when creating the post.
I'm a social worker and my dad committed suicide when I was 2 1/2 and my brother was 10. When I learned about suicide prevention/intervention they teach to ask certain questions like, Does the person have a plan? Does the person have access? Has this person talked about killing themselves before? That kind of stuff. So if someone says they want to kill themselves and they say they're going to do it with a gun, but don't have a gun, they're 2/3 of the way there and maybe need to be hospitalized... Just my thought.
Agreed totally! This is serious stuff! Better to feel silly than regret taking no action.
I had a friend who had a party and was happy and jolly with all of us. After we left, she overdosed. She sent us a strange text thanking us all, which was strange. Luckily one of our friends who was at the party who lived fairly close managed to get there and save her (she was home alone) but a lot of the time these sort of threats were seriousness; I had no way of getting to her but I wish I had. I would and will try my best for anyone who tells me they plan on killing themselves, because frankly they have everything to live for.
Having gone through depressive periods myself, I know full well that no matter what, if you feel low enough to kill yourself - you care very little about how your family and friends will react. If this is the case, go f-king abroad. Go to another country, without telling anyone if needs be. If you're selfish enough to think this way and care that little, go start again in another country. Do something f-king different and create a whole new world for yourself.
You have one life. Don't throw it away on a phase of selfish depression; go absolutely mental and experience the world, you f-king idiot. No matter what anyone tells you, we have no proof of an afterlife so don't rely on anyone else's word. Take advantage of the crazy, varied world around you and be thankful for what you have.That's actually very common in people who are about to commit suicide. They made their decision and they feel calm about it, so all you see is them being cheery.
Selfish? That's absurd. 'GoingFNabroad' isn't helping anyone. How is that unselfish? Most people just live in excess, don't give two sh*ts about anyone else, and then have the nerve to tell others that they are 'selfish'.
No one asks to be born, we can make or own decisions despite the fact that it might unnerve or disturb you.Suicide is one of the most selfish acts available to man; disregarding the love of your friends and family, your responsibilities and the extremely precious and limited substance that is life. It's incredibly selfish. I don't live in excess, and I do in fact care quite a lot about those around me and would not wish death upon any fellow human. It's nothing to do with nerve, I'm just saying what most daren't say - and I feel I have the right to, seen as though I've had low points in my life where I've been stupid and naive enough to even consider suicide.
Also you misinterpreted my suggestion of going abroad. I meant for one to do something completely irrational and wild to inject some passion and lust in your life FOR life. I'm not saying its not selfish; it is very selfish. But if you were planning on bing selfish enough to take your own life then why the hell not? The learning curve of wonder and new things would bring you to cherish and be appreciative for what you have, and the people you have close to you.
I know full well that no one asks to be born, and people can frankly do whatever they like; but the general restriction of this is doing what you want except cause others unnecessary suffering. Leaving those close to you with confusion, pain and quite likely lasting mental scars is a selfish act.
Yeah, you'd be dead so you would have no conscience to contemplate what you've done, but the fact remains that if you take your own life you're being selfish.
Better to go out and try to appreciate the world, then to cause such unnecessary suffering.You just assume everyone has 'friends and family', projecting your own life onto others. You can't speak for anyone else other than yourself. Maybe some people have zero interest in traveling...have you considered that? Those are -your- interests. They won't help someone else who sees no point in that. Why should a person suffer forever so others don't briefly have to? Their not being 'selfish'?
Some people have such self-centered perspectives, they can't see through another person's eyes. It's seriously no wonder why this disconnect causes people to commit suicide.
True depression is a disease, not a lifestyle or a choice. Someone with the actual disease cannot help their behavior, even to the extent of suicide, any more or less than one can suppress a sneeze, headache, or the urge to throw up. Sometimes the disease wins. But it's not anyone else's fault or selfishness on the part of the depressed person who kills themself: it's just a deadly symptom of an under-treated and widely-misunderstood illness that there is no "cure" for as of yet. Once people accept that it is a life-threatening illness that must be treated seriously and scientists get more money to research, then this disease will hopefully no longer be the #1 cause of disability in this country and the primary cause of suicide.
{You have one life. Don't throw it away on a phase of selfish depression; go absolutely mental and experience the world, you f-king idiot. No matter what anyone tells you, we have no proof of an afterlife so don't rely on anyone else's word. Take advantage of the crazy, varied world around you and be thankful for what you have.}
Ya know, your comment really, really ticked me off. People who attempt to or commit suicide are not f-king idiots with a phase of selfish depression!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here's a true story sweetheart:
My ex husband is a cop and our son was 2 years old at the time. My husband would come home and beat the hell out of me breaking my nose, giving me black eyes and shattered my cheek by pistol whipping me. (I have a fake cheek bone now). He even beat me in a church parking lot with 15 witnesses looking on. (which resulted in my story on the six o'clock news and the front page of the newspaper. KNow what he got????? A slap on the wrist from his Chief) He would point his .9mm to my head and pull the trigger and I would only hear the click as the pistol was not loaded. He skipped town with my son one afternoon and I hadn't seen my son for 2 years as he was on the run. He would call me up in the middle of the night and tell me "Why don't you just kill yourself because no one loves you anyway". This went on for years as I searched and searched for my little boy. I got so despondent that I cut my wrists as after days, weeks and months and years of hearing "you are useless" over and over and over starts sinking into your brain.
So, unless you have experienced depression you need to keep your mouth closed and not be so judgemental regarding others. Depression is real, it is NOT as you say "selfish". You would not be able to walk in my shoes for 10 feet and live through what I have lived through.
- Wendi Mposted 11 years ago
0I'm so very sorry to hear that.
I've dealt with suicide my entire life. I had an uncle, cousin, and a good friend commit suicide.
I also tried to take my own life in 1997. I know what it feels like from both ends, and it hurts either way!Wendi I am really so sorry to hear of your hurt. Please talk to someone and let them Know your feelings when you are low. Apologies for the way I opened this thread. It was thoughtless of me. I truly wish you the best year ever in 2013.
I'm so sorry to hear about all the tragedy in your life, Wendy. I hope that you are now, personally, in a much better place and in no danger. If you have any doubts about that, now or in the future, see a doctor ASAP--call 911 if you actually have a plan, means, or are otherwise just very serious about it because it is truly an emergency, given your history, and you should be somewhere safe and get evaluated (again, I know--you've probably been through this more times than you can count). That is your path to safety: getting to the doctor as soon as possible and being completely honest with him/her about absolutely everything. They can help you.
John, this goes for you, too, and everyone else on this list. If you have thoughts of death, suicide, or what the world would be like without you in it, get help immediately by seeing a doctor at the moment you realize what's happening--call an ambulance if you have to in your area, or visit Urgent Care if you have those in your area, or just plain call the police and tell them what you're thinking and they should be able to take care of you. Don't second-guess yourself: if you're thinking about killing yourself, you're seriously ill with depression and it IS an emergency. Please don't let depression take your life like it has taken--or nearly taken--the lives of so many others on this posting and those in society as a whole. Please follow the doctor's advice if he/she says you must take medicine regularly for a long time or even forever: they're the objective expert who is filling in for the part of your brain that's diseased right now if you have depression.
You must have needed to talk and you chose us. Forgive him and forgive your guilt. Try to be thankful for every day you are alive. Get with your friends and family who love you. If you need help ask for it. A man on this site is a retired counselor. I think his name is qlcoach. First name Gary. Help is everywhere. I will pray for you. Good luck and don't give up. Something good can happen in your life. Keep on writing.
My best friend, along with my dad, took their own lives. I understand why Daddy did it, but I'll never understand my friend's reasons. She was young and had a lot to live for.
Habee, this is indeed sad. Life is so precious and a gift.
Habee, how sad. My thoughts are with you when you think about it.
I'm really sorry to hear of your loss Habee and apologise for the crass way I brought all this up.
John, although noble, you do NOT owe us an apology! You have done us all a favor by bringing suicide out in the open for discussion. Released emotions that needed to be let out. This is a good thing: long-since time suicide should've come out of the closet. You brought it up the way you did because that's how you felt it should be written at the time. I'm also glad that it has been re-written, however, as a hypothetical.
I'm so very sorry to hear this. Take care of yourself, okay? And know that neither case was your fault to ANY extent. They did what they felt was the best/only thing to do at the time, however strange or trivial their reasons may seem to us. Let the hurt go from inside of you and don't try to figure out "why", because that question might not have an answer.
My condolences for the loss of your dad and friend.
Personally I cannot think of one good reason that justifies suicide.logic,commonsenseYou can't think of a reason, because suicide is, 80% of the time (if I remember that statistic correctly), a fatal symptom of the disease Major Depressive Disorder. I agree, there is no good reason that justifies suicide other than (if this was the case) saying it was a symptom of a disease, just like heart disease isn't really "a broken heart" and lung cancer isn't really "something eating away at you". It just happens. Like a sneeze or a cough or throwinig up: you usually can't help it, it's all that your brain knows what to do to fix the "problem".
(I apologize if I'm preaching to the choir here, but I will anyway--
hops up on soap box):
There's no more logic to being afraid of talking about depression than breast cancer or an enlarged prostate. It just is what it is: disease. Disease that could have and should have been screened for in annual medical exams--or by people themselves using a self-test online (see page 3 of http://www.thechangeworkscoaching.com/i … t_Form.pdf) .
Check out the latest census statistics: more of our youth in the prime of their lives (25-34 years) die from suicide than homicide or any other cause save accidental injury (such as car accidents). Accidental injury... They have everything to live for, and yet they die in an accidental injury? <gasp> They have everything to live for, yet they still kill themselves? That just doesn't seem acceptable to me. And it's the price our society is paying for keeping mental illnesses (in this case depression and depression medicines) "in the closet". Breast cancer, HIV, viagra, yeast infections... we can talk about those things nowdays and prescribe and take medicines to cure/control them. But we can't, for some reason, with depression and other mental illnesses. Psychological diseases (which include alcoholism and other addictions), are still on the official "prejudiced against" list--despite the constitution's ADA amendment saying employers and businessess can't discriminate against people with such diseases. And yet, we do all the time. We're afraid to see "a shrink" and take a "Prozac" (or whatever was prescribed) because we're afraid it'll change our personality. Well, of course it does--it's supposed to--it allows the real you to come out of the closet and you to be a much more productive, well-adjusted member of society (and more likeable, too). Sometimes (just like allergists, and gynecologists with pregnant women) psychiatrists will prescribe several medicines that you must take at the same time. Okay, so then don't freak out when they do that and you're taking 3-4 medicines. It's not the NUMBER of medicines you're on that matters, it's the number you NEED to be on to be healthy that matters. And, just like most diabetes doctors, psychiatrists may frequently change doses or replace one medicine with another. That's not so scary any more, either, when you judge it just like other medical disciplines, is it? So about that changing of your personality... When the medicines are all set right, you should feel EXACTLY like yourself (probably for the first time in a long time, if ever)--and you shouldn't settle for less. A lot of people tell me they're taking something for depression and it's helping some. I ask them how much is "some". Well, maybe 50%. 50%?!? I'm sorry, but if I went to the doctor with a broken leg, would I be satisfied if it were only 50% healed? If my kid's tonsilitis was 50% better? If your antidepressant isn't working 100%, go back and ask for more or something different. "Do I have to see a psychiatrist?" Yes, if at all possible. Family doctors have very low statistics when it comes to prescribing antidepressants and getting good results. (but they're better than nothing) "But what about all of the side-effects." Well, most cold medicines make you super sleepy as a side-effect. Some other medicines may make your mouth really dry. Some things give you a headache. Most medicines of any kind do seem to have side-effects<gasp>. It's up to you to weigh the side effects vs. the intended effects. They have lots of new antidepressants out now that have many fewer side-effects than the Prozac-generation of medicines and earlier. Your chances of getting a much better treatment that lasts for a much longer time with fewer side-effects increase with each new drug release. "But antidepressants have side-effects". Okay, okay, I get it, but my question for you is, would you rather have a dry mouth and be yourself or be a "cranky, lazy bum" without dry mouth (ask your spouse/roommate that question, too, before you answer, please)? Besides, the doctor can often prescribe something to counter the side-effects--even some over the counter things. "But that's another pill I'd have to take". Yes, but remember in the old days when you had to take 3-4 different cold medicines every 4 hours to get the same effect as 1 12-hour cold pill today? I'm sure you can handle one more pill if that side-effect is really that big of a deal.
As a society, I think we've set improperly high expectations on the world of psychiatry--when we get the guts to actually go. If the medicine doesn't work right by the end of the first week, and without side-effects, we give up on all psychiatric meds--but, the doctor told us it would take a couple of weeks to really notice a difference AND that the side effects would tend to go away over time. Be realistic, folks. If you need treatment, especially if people are even telling you you need treatment, just go get it and adjust until you get it right. Quit being a baby about seeing a shrink--they're nice people, too.
If you want a non-drug solution and have only a mild case of depression, seek out a cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) specialist. Or, read and follow the book "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" (which isn't so new now, but it does work wonders if you put in your share of the work) http://www.feelinggood.com/books.htm#book_fg.
My point? I really, really don't want to go to any more suicide funerals, and I don't want so many young people dying of a usually very curable disease, especially if it's treated early enough (because like most diseases, the longer you wait, the bigger the problem). And, I really don't want to work with so many people with grumpy, untreated or under-treated depression. I remember reading somewhere that 1 out of every 5 people could be diagnose with depression every year. That's a 20% chance of getting it every year and needing to get it cured (the faster, the better). I bet, if you think about it, you can pick 5 random friends or co-workers and, sure, you remember them being "out of it" for awhile at some point in the last year. If your 20% strikes, strike back quickly and seriously from multiple angles: cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), medicine(s) prescribed by a psychiatrist, eat right, exercize EVERY DAY for at least 1/2 hour... And take any other steps you feel are appropriate. The sooner you get better, the sooner you get your life back (and your family gets you back). Or, let it go untreated and potentially become a statistic...
(off soap box--sorry, I didin't mean to rant and ramble along: funerals are no fun)
Having struggled with depression in the past, the title to your post really gave me a jolt. It's a dark, hopeless place to be, and I still remember the plans I had at the time. If it wasn't for some wonderful, caring people, I don't know what would have happened. I'm better at handling the irrationality of depression and am stronger for it, now.
I've talked a few people down from wanting to commit suicide because of those experiences. Being there for someone helps a lot, but never be afraid to call 911 if they're too far gone.
One of my hubby's dear friends committed suicide when his mother was diagnosed with cancer, and he was faced with living with an abusive step-father. I hadn't even heard of him until after it happened, but it was devastating to help the hubby through it afterwards.
I'm so sorry about your friend, but I wish you, and everyone else around here, a happy new year, at least.I've had to call the police a few times to make sure that they were ok. I don't take these kinds of threats lightly because it is a sad dark place to be. Especially when you feel like no one understands or cares. It is tragic.
Good for you, Julie2! It's a little scary, and you may feel a little foolish, but calling the police to do a welfare check on someone you're worried about is always the safest way to go. (Even if they're mad at you afterward.)
If ever come across somebody who says they want to die - please look up the protocol to handling this.
Basically - take it seriously. I had plenty of people, friends, family, etc who had committed suicide.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/suicide_prevention.htm
I delay them with verbal commitment to wait 30 days. I got a verbal commitment from a guy and yes, he did kill himself a month later with drink & drugs. Too bad he was brain dead and his mom had to pull the plug.
I don't know what else to do other than delay. Unless 'in the act' cops/medical won't detain him for observation.Thanks for the link...I'm gonna be spreading it around.
Too many people consider suicide the "easy" way out. I know that they are in a place that they often think this is the best choice for everyone - that everyone will be better off...but we all know that isn't true. I have seen too many young people commit suicide - teenagers, young adults, middle aged adults, the elderly...the last was a young man just in the prime of his life - he had just witnessed the birth of his best friend's baby...this young man had some medical issues, some money issues, and some mental issues - but all could have been overcome. He didn't believe that though, and thought that he was helping his family and friends by killing himself. Now his family and friends suffer because he is not here and they are all asking what they could have done to help...they blame themselves for his death, even though they all did their very best to help him....
I hope that anyone who is thinking about suicide will open up, talk to a trusted friend or family member or clergy member...even a stranger that will listen. Think things through - get the help you are desperately seeking. Know that you are good enough and that your life is worth living...Yes, you are right. Everything can be overcome. Happy New Year and let's hope the best for all.
Too many people consider suicide the "easy" way out. I know that they are in a place that they often think this is the best choice for everyone - that everyone will be better off...but we all know that isn't true. I have seen too many young people commit suicide - teenagers, young adults, middle aged adults, the elderly...the last was a young man just in the prime of his life - he had just witnessed the birth of his best friend's baby...this young man had some medical issues, some money issues, and some mental issues - but all could have been overcome. He didn't believe that though, and thought that he was helping his family and friends by killing himself. Now his family and friends suffer because he is not here and they are all asking what they could have done to help...they blame themselves for his death, even though they all did their very best to help him....
I hope that anyone who is thinking about suicide will open up, talk to a trusted friend or family member or clergy member...even a stranger that will listen. Think things through - get the help you are desperately seeking. Know that you are good enough and that your life is worth living...When I was 16 I was in a large foster group home. It was in an old medical building that had multiple "wings". Basically shaped like a cross. Well they kept the boys and girls seperated, but being teens we always found a way of communication. Our room windows were like hospital window where you could see the "wing" across from you, therefore seeing into the other rooms at night when they had their light on. I had a crush on a boy that was there and nightly we would talk through the window. It had a vent at the bottom we would yell through and if we were lucky we wouldn't get caught. Well he had a room mate that was a young boy named Guy. I believe he was around 12. He always said he was going to commit suicide. He made the threat so regularly that no one ever took him seriously. Well one night came and I was talking to the boy who was in the other room. He decided to go get a shower so I waited near the window for him to get done. I saw Guy come into the room and start taking the sheets off his bed and I decided it would be best for me to get away from my window. I returned to the window 5 minutes later looking for my crush and instead saw Guy hanging from the ceiling. I rushed out to get staff but by the time they got him down it was too late. I think about it every year at least a few times. I will never forget this troubled boy who was just crying out for help and attention.
Thank you for making this forum thread and giving me a moment to think of him.Peeples that is so sad. It is good that you try to keep his memory alive. Please go on to have a happy life.
There were a couple girls where I worked who joked about committing suicide just about every day. One of them actually attempted it, and was hospitalized. But, she came back to work, and continued doing the same thing. Our manager put up with her, but, he left the company, and we got a new one. On her second week, this new manager over heard the suicide comments and fired both girls. We also had a guy who constantly cut himself on the job, she fired him too.
Wow, what a thread. Suicide is so devastating to all involved. Although it is undeniably a selfish act, I don't think the person committing suicide can see that. They are in such a dark place that they feel it's the only way out. I don't think they're able to see outside that as to how their act is going to affect everyone else.They feel alone and often DO think that everyone will be better off without them. They're not thinking rationally. They can't see how important they might be to others. The whole thing is so sad and tragic.
Wow! What a attention grabber! My heart sank as I read your headline! Suicide is very near and dear to my heart. I actually made a video that hopefully will tug at someones heart and convince them not to end their precious life no matter how dreadful they think it may be. Sorry to hear about your friend.
Lovetowrite, I regret starting this thread in this way but I have been touched by various hubbers comments. Nevertheless it was a little foolhardy on my part. I will not do anything like that again. The issue is too painful.
Seanorjohn, you are right...this topic is very painful but one that needs to be discussed and not swept under the rug. Life is so precious and valuable, it breaks my heart when I learn that someone has died in that manner, it breaks my heart.
- ahorsebackposted 11 years ago0
I agree with Victoria Lynn , the dark places that hide someone that will commit themselves to serious suicide thoughts will never show thier identities . If one is serious ,they will do it ! And we already have seen what someone who's serious AND angry will take others with them ! .
Unpleasantness... Kind of wish this title would die. If not, understand, but still... Peace.
“Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.”
― Mother TeresaI agree Para. This was a big mistake on my part. I should have asked a different question. Yet I am grateful for some hubbers very useful and practical insights.
Happy New Year to all Hubbers and please always be kind and do the right thing. Hope I can live up to that sentiment in 2013. It is not a bad way to live. Obviously, it is a good way to live.
What does " new" mean. Para, please explain.
First off don't blame yourself. It's not your fault! It's a one track mind, and fortunately obstacles, family problems, financial problems, and a whole lot of dynamics go into this. There is nothing you could have done, and even if you gave him a job, he might have done it anyway. It is a feeling of hopelessness, being faithless, and not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. It's a very emotional dark place and very seldom can you reach someone. Even if you said all the right things, done all the right things, a person can still choose that tragic ending. The best thing you can do is forgive them for hurting themselves, and those that have hurt them to leave them in such a frame of mind. Suicide is a bad ending to a bad life. Fortunately he only has the answers why he made that choice. The roots were far deeper than the obstacles and finances. I know it's easy to ask what if I did this or that, but really seriously it may not have stopped him.
You are right Hattie. But I can't help feeling I wish I had helped him out. I sort of think he put fliers out to all his friends and then felt rejected. But I guess he had truly already made up his mind to take his own life.
Sean/John... don't feel bad... civilized discussion about pretty much any subject has value. Some one might now or in the future need the nuggets provided in this thread.
Thanks so much Beth for your kind comments. Hope you have your best year ever in 2013.
I wouldn't mind that either.
I wish you a mouse free new year!Thank you Beth but as you know mice are a nightmare for me. I will have to have a drink of brandy now to rid me of the mice images. But sleep well yourself tonight and thanks for your responses.
I've been there a few times, it's not easy and there are no answers. The best thing I've discovered is to be an advocate, healer, and human service/ social worker. It's a sad world some times. Some things are hard to accept. Some times our brains can not make sense of something so tragic.
I, personally, have never been that low. I did have a grandfather and an uncle who took that way out; however, they were both elderly, and in the final stages of terminal disease (one from emphysema; the other from throat cancer), and decided to end their physical suffering.
Failing that, (what amounts to 'self-euthanasia'), for any other sort of reason, my husband's saying on the matter is this:
"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."The sad thing is that real depression isn't a temporary problem. It's real and something that depressed people have to live with everyday. It's not just a situation that's happening; it's always there even if life is "going well." People just can't understand unless they've actually experienced true depression, especially clinical depression. It's not temporary. Or at least it doesn't feel that way.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZJuHIIgFFE - I'm not too sure if I'm able to post this video but I find it befitting to the topic at hand. I made this video to encourage someone, anyone to CHOOSE LIFE, I'm so glad I did! May this video touch someone enough to realize life is a gift and is most precious!
Hi Sherry , you are right. But surely it is crazy for the cops to prosecute somene who writes some crazy stuff while under the influence. Someone who was drunk in a pub would mostly not get prosecuted for saying something libellous. Why should someone writing on the internet get prosecuted for saying stuff.
Thanks for youur great reply Sherry.
I have read everyone's comments and have tried to reply to all. Please forgive me if I have missed you. | am, not great with computers. Happy New Year To all and hope this is your best year ever.
Happy New Year to you, John, and know that the paragraphs in this thread will probably save at least one person's life someday--just because you got our attention with that question/now a hypothetical one. Do not regret posting this. People obviously have strong emotions of all sorts about suicide, and the best way to beat it is to bring it out into the sunlight where it can't escape scrutiny. If it is too difficult for you to continue reading/commenting, then please stop: nobody says you have to reply to every single post. I am actually worried about your state of mind now; be sure that you are safe, even if it means locking the knives in with the guns in the gun cabinet (or even the trunk of your car). Hopefully that made you smile a little and shake your head "no"; if not, put the deadly weapons and alcohol as far out of your reach as you can and call 911 for yourself. I think, however, that you are dealing with this death well by getting out here and talking about it. We all care about you even if we are all strangers who will never meet you: we're one big, oddly shaped family. I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say I think you are very brave to do this: both to post the question and to listen and respond to all of our responses. I think we all want the best for you and for everyone else who has lost someone--or nearly lost someone--to clinical depression, including if it was the writer him/her-self. Please, forgive your friend. Let go of the need to understand that which is unexplainable even by top scientists. Just focus on having a good 2013--it's okay if you're not "happy!!!!", just please don't be sad about what happened or about this post. Hang in there!
I have had friends tell me they were suicidal. I know exactly what to do. I've been around mentally ill people for 20yrs and I have great empathy for them. I want to be a mental health worker, or human resources of some kind. I understand them from observing them and so on.
What I've done and would do, is comfort them and say things like... I love you, you are such a good person, please don't talk this way, what can I say to make you feel better, how can you say that? you are wonderful! You are God's creation! I care about you! I love you!
Things like that and then I would pray with them or for them and actually speak the prayer in front of them, in my own words with them in it.
There are lots of things that can be done.
If you suspect someone, you should by all means talk to them and never take it as a joke. That's not a good joke ever. No, not in today's society either with so much stress, bullying in school, it's endless.
We must help others, and listen especially in these circumstances.
I used to volunteer for a warm line- a support talk line. I also applied for Samaritans but I couldn't keep my appt. I would love to help people with this, I'm looking into it.
peaceThat is not how I would deal with someone whom I thought was suicidal, but apparently it has worked for you. Keeping them talking--in a dialog, preferably, is best.
I totally agree with you that if you suspect someone is suicidal, especially if they joke or talk about it or death a lot, that it's never EVER a joke and must be dealt with in all seriousness. Professionals must be notified--the school counselor or principal or both, the person's parents, or, if the situation warrants it, the police.
Personally I keep the person talking as much as possible, making sure they're not drinking (because alcohol is a depressant). If I know who/where they are, I get their SWORN PROMISE (several times if necessary) that they will take NO ACTION and will be OK for at most 5 minutes and I will plug in my phone, go to the bathroom, and call them back (both plausible reasons for needing to hang up for 5 minutes). During that 5 minutes I call the police to do a "well-fare" check, telling them my suspicions. If the person has come right out and said they ARE going to hurt themselves or someone else, tell that to the police: that means the person means business, and I believe the police (at least those where I live) are obligated to take that person to a hospital immediately for evaluation for safety's sake.
The real problem is when they don't tell anyone anything- a good friend of my husbands went out to get some petrol three weeks ago after dropping his brother off at a friends and killed himself- a brief text message to say he loved his family was found on his phone and that was it- It has caused his elderly parents immense grief and at the funeral there were loads of his family and friends all saying the same thing- we didn't notice anything wrong- he left my husband three hours before he did it with the words "see you tomorrow" he didn't.- we didn't have the chance to help him and he showed no signs of depression or unhappiness
That's super-scary! I am so sorry for you all!
My heart goes out to your husband and his friend's family and other friends for their sudden, very tragic loss. May they rest assured that it was nothing that they or anyone else had done, could have done, or didn't do to stop him. Unless there was some aweful truth about his life that was about to be released, which apparently there wasn't or it would have been done weeks ago, the culprit must be depression. Depression can haunt a person silently in the background and all of a sudden strike like lightning, which apparently happened in this poor man's life. Hopefully someday this aweful possibility can be medically detected during routine exams and then controlled with effective medicines that people are willing to take. This kind of thing should never, ever have to happen--no family should ever, ever have to go through this. Please tell your husband that his friend was truly a genuine friend with no deliberate intention of harming him or any of his other survivors: the fact that he saw your husband last and left with a positive message and sent a positive message to his family tells me he cared a great deal about your husband and their friendship, as well as his family. He didn't do it to be selfish, either (why do people always think that?), or to "take the easy way out" (of what?) or to "get back at" someone/everyone. He did it because he had no other choice, according to what the disease in his brain was telling him. His brain told him, in no uncertain terms, that this was the thing he MUST do, right at that time and place. Regrettably, we believe ourselves and are a slave to our own brains, to tragic end in this case. Many condolencees, and may you all recover from this shock quickly and without further incident. Email me privately if you have any concerns or questions.
I have a close friend who, many years later, told me s/he was suicidal during a certain period in his/her life. We, his/her friends, all knew something was wrong, but s/he wouldn't tell us what and s/he didn't tell us s/he was bad enough to be suicidal. S/he was lucky, though: s/he lived.
When I was in my 20s I had suicidal ideation. I was going through a divorce and did not think that I could cope with the failure. What pulled me through was my family and my child. I would think how selfish it would be if I did end my life and I finally got passed those thoughts. The support that I was given from my mother was immense. I knew she could feel my pain even though I thought that I was hiding it from her. She was definitely worried about me. It's funny thinking about it now, but when I was having an extremely "bad" day she would put me to bed and put in the movie "Lethal Weapon" for me to watch. I still think about it today and the love that she showed me.
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