I regularly drink a potion of white rum, made from sugar cane, with fresh honey from the bees, and a final squeeze of fresh orange and lemon juice. In the real hot weather I add ice. This local drink of old, is known as Poncha and is the best remedy for everything and anything. The added bonus of course is it tastes great and is made fresh in many local bars in the countryside.
Well what about pile cream? As well as being excellent for when Mr Haemorrhoid comes to town, it is also excellent as an emergency treatment for the bags under your eyes. E.G. - you wake up on the morning of that important date/job interview/wedding day and find that your face resembles a bag of spanners. Whop on a small quantity of pile cream and the bags miraculously vanish. Just make sure that your tube wasn't previously used with the anal applicator. Ugh!