For those of you have read my first hub then you will know how things have been and for those who haven’t check it out. Monday I had two appointments one with the Therapist and one with the physiatrist and I kind of wanted to cancel the therapy appoint since I just saw her but, I decided to keep the appointment. In the morning I went to see the Therapist with my husband which I was shocked and excited at the same time because he doesn’t understand anything with mental health at all. But, he wanted to support me which makes the fear of him never coming home slowly goes away. I found that he was upset with me but never once thought about leaving me. This gave me a lot of relief. I am trying to learn to forgive myself but right now since I am having such a strong chemical imbalance I am having an issue with that and the anxiety and panic attacks are an ongoing feeling. So right now the therapist, my husband and I are putting “unfaithful situation” on a shelf and going to move on. Which is so hard for me, I think about it all the time. Later, that day I went to the physiatrist which was VERY emotional for me because I am in the process of putting all my horrible actions on a shelf and I had to rehash them with the physiatrist which I know will help me in the long run. I was put on .5 of xanax three times a day as needed and 50mg of Zoloft and I hope it works. Lately, I have been taking all the xanax through the day because the horrible feeling won’t part. I don’t want medicine to make me a zombie but I am having a horrible time to forgive myself and I am so scared and I afraid to bring it up with the therapist or my husband because they want me to move forward so I am basically keeping it in, which got me in trouble in the first place. I am trying hard this is so hard for me , I took the weekend off of work and now my job is on my case for taking time off which I never do ever and I can’t handle stress but I am trying hard. But, I think one day maybe I can become a speaker for high school students and inform them on this disorder because I feel if I was fully and correctly informed I wouldn’t of tried to handle it on my own.
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