Coping with Birthday after death of parents and what to do

1. 52

   kowari40posted 14 years ago

   It's was a year anniversary of my dads death 20.2.2011 and will be a year for my mum 11.03.2011 and my birthday is 5.3.2011. Now this will be first birthday without 'both' parents. I am dreading it as I feel what do I do on that day, cry, laugh, try to do something to take my mind off ?etc. Will my birthdays ever be the same (I know the answer to that question already), how do I deal with my birthdays from now on - seeing as its so close to anniversaries of the loss of my loving parents? I dont think I'll be able to go to work thats for sure, but what do I do?
   I know nothing can ever fill that void and I feel angry once again that God took them away on such dates.

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      runescapeprivateposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Man, I don't know. Stay strong, I can't give advice because I've never been in your situation.

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2. 59

   cindi hposted 14 years ago

   Oh Kowari I am so sorry! I know the pain. I lost my hero, my dad 2 days after my wedding anniversary. He was ill for only a short time and I took him into my home to care for him in his last days. My mom passed exactly 18 months later. Her birthday was 2 days before my youngest daughters. There will always be a 'date' that brings back the pain. An anniversary, a holiday, their birthday etc. No matter what you do, you can not take your mind off of it. So by all means--cry-- let yourself FEEL whatever it is you need to feel. Do something in their honor, something that will make them proud. The pain will never go away but trust me it gets less intense. Know that they are always with you, in your thoughts, your heart, your soul. Relish the memories and live your life in honor of them!!
   Hope this helps. Take care have a happy birthday and God Bless!!

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3. 61

   Pandoras Boxposted 14 years ago

   I don't think your parents would want you to spend your birthday mourning their passing. On your birthday, celebrate life.

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4. 86

   rebekahELLEposted 14 years ago

   Your parents would want you to celebrate life. Perhaps make it a day to honor their life by planting a tree or a bed of flowers.

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      optimus grimlockposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      great idea!!! also do something each of your parents would do if they were still alive then enjoy time the way you want!!

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5. 62

   CASE1WORKERposted 14 years ago

   Although I still have my mum I think I understand how you feel as my father's birthday was the same as mine ( for 36 years of my life). As a parent myself I think I would say to my children, don't worry darlings just enjoy yourselves. Spare a quiet moment for me and then carry on."
   
   I know its hard, it is hard for me every year and I think it's even harder for my mum- but try and enjoy it

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6. 85

   FaithDreamposted 14 years ago

   Kowari, this is tough. My mom's birthday is this weekend. It's the first one since her passing last summer. I've been doing a lot of reflecting. I miss her terribly and when both parents are gone, you feel lost. I miss my dad too. He has been gone for 12 years yet I grieve over him with the mourning of my mom.
   
   I just take it one day at a time. Sometimes right before the birthday, anniversary, etc is tougher than any other. When the day passes, you are left with some peace. Just take it one day at a time.
   
   Recall the good times and find peace that you were blessed to have great parents.

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7. 51

   Purple Perlposted 14 years ago

   Happy Birthday, Kowari40.
   You are indeed blessed to have had wonderful parents. Perhaps you can visit an orphanage or an old peoples' home to comfort others in need. Alternately, you can choose to enjoy a quiet holiday. God bless you and feel His presence always!

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   Bellamieposted 14 years ago

   I'm not trying to sound insensitive, but is there another date that would have been better?   I ask this because someone else asked me the same question once.  You see, because the dates are so close it gives you the opportunity to remember all the good times. I have a feeling that your pain would be the same if the dates were well away from your birthday.  All the wonderful birthdays you ever had.  All the birthdays you remember that they had.  It doesn't have to be a sad, morbid day.  Death is not a pleasant thing.  Believe me, I've seen my share of death.  And of course I get a little sad even now, but I try to bring the good times to the forefront of my birthday, Easter, Christmas, 4th of July and every other holiday and I feel so blessed to have had them in my life. It makes me want to remember them often with a smile on my heart. I don't know if this helps or not.  I Pray it didn't hurt you.

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9. 0

   BunuBobuposted 14 years ago

   This seems like an old thread but I hope you read this.
   My Dad will be dead for 3 years in June this year and his birthday, the day he died, my parents wedding anniversary and the day I got my first job and called him are all days that haunted me and sometimes still do.
   
   When I start to get depressed and think about how much I would have wanted him here to experience my life with me, I try to spend time with other family members and even friends.
   
   I want to enjoy every moment with my brother and every moment with my boyfriend. Even though it will still hurt when I/they die, I will remember the happiness and be grateful for the experiences that some people may never have.
   
   I know it may sound like nonsense but it is what I focus on.
   My Dad was my life and I was the apple of his eye. When he died I felt like I should have died too. It does get easier though. I promise you it does as long as you live and love, you will heal.

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