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Famous New Year's Resolution Lists

Updated on May 27, 2014

Resolutions Through History

Having sat myself down recently to consider my own New Year's Resolutions,my mind began to wander and I wondered what might be the resolutions of some of the great figures in history.

Having access to the internet I discovered a number of interesting examples of such which I share with you here.

Eve's List

  • cut Adam's hair and trim his beard.

  • sew some curtains for the hut and maybe make some throw-pillows

  • ask God to make the sky a little bluer and the stars brighter
  • check out that tree--the one with the talking snake at the bottom. The apples look tasty and we need more fruit in our diet.

Shalmaneser III's List

  • trade wife #3 in harem to King Sneferu of Egypt for a weed-wacker. Will come in handy on the 'hanging gardens of Babylon'.
  • send spies to see what wife #17 is up to. I think she is giving the other girls ideas about forming a union. Fewer work hours, better perks and overtime for being lent-out to foreign dignitaries. Nip that in the bud !

  • write an epic. Call it 'Gilgamesh'. Or maybe something catchier like 'Midnight Cowboy'.

  • invade and conquer some neighboring regions before going on summer vacation.

Shakespeare's List

  • ask Christopher Marlowe for more ideas like that one he gave me for 'Hamlet'. Bribe him with ale if necessary.

  • write more serious copy--maybe get into the existential themes and all that.
  • get new hosiery--all of mine have gapping holes in them and when I bend over in Richard III I get whistles from the gallery.
  • ask the Queen to lower the taxes on The Globe if I write her some sonnets. If the taxes get any higher we will have to consider having a concession stand and selling popcorn and soft drinks to make up the difference.

Thomas Edison's List

  • invent the light-bulb
  • invent the movie camera
  • invent the gramophone
  • invent the car
  • invent the computer
  • invent web 2.0

[NB: may not get to everything this year]

Sarah Palin's List

  • buy a new rifle with telescopic sight.
  • practise saying 'you betcha' when I have no new ideas
  • ask Bristol if she wants to try my blush-brush.

  • tell Tina Fey that I want some royalties for giving her that "I can see Russia from my house" line.

On To My List...

Well enough wood-gathering. On to write my own New Year's Resolutions.

Starting with...

  • write more Hubs?


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