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12 New Year's Resolutions You Should Probably Avoid

Updated on September 25, 2012
Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannie has been writing for HubPages for over 5 years. She covers a wide variety of topics—anything from hamsters to office work.

Avoiding Bad New Year's Resolutions

We are now coming close to the end of 2011. For many, we are hoping the New Year will bring a fresh start. Some folks are hoping to lose weight. Others are hoping to get a new job. People like myself are hoping this is the year Publisher's Clearing House finally shows up at the front door with that check.

While all of these ideas make great New Year's Resolutions, they are fairly standard resolutions. Many people will try to take their resolutions to a whole new level this coming year for 2012, but there is a such thing as a bad New Year's Resolution. Some people just have to take it too far.

So if you are piecing together your New Year's Resolution right now, but you don't want to aim for something ridiculous, I am here to help you out. I don't want to see you set your sights too high or write some ridiculous resolutions. Let's take some time to check out a list of New Year's Resolutions you should probably just avoid. How about 12 bad resolutions for 2012!

Examples of Terrible New Year's Resolutions:

  1. I want to show up for work late as much as humanly possible. Each day I will show up later than the day before and see how far I can take it.
  2. This year I am hoping to commit more crimes. Of course, that is when I manage to bail myself out of jail.
  3. I am going to try to anger my boss to the point that I finally get fired. Fingers crossed that I can collect unemployment!
  4. I need to acquire better skills with my gun. Hoping to double the amount of animals I kill from my own front yard.
  5. This year I would like to gain around 100 pounds. The more the merrier. If I can also raise my blood pressure, even better!
  6. I would like to get on the show Hoarders this year. Apparently, I don't have enough stuff to make the cut yet. I am hoping to achieve my goal by getting more stuff from junk yards and thrift stores.
  7. I want to train a guinea pig to say, "Row!" just like on the GEICO commercials.
  8. I am planning on completing my rocket ship project this year. I will be visiting Mars in no time.
  9. This year, I plan on going further into to debt. It would be a major bonus if I cried myself to sleep every night. I want to intensely fear looking at all my credit card bills.
  10. I am hoping to contract some new disease no one has every heard of before this year. I have always been a trend setter and I would like to take that in a whole new direction.
  11. I am going to get my own reality show this year. I am going to combine several ideas into one program. I want a show about cupcakes baked by people from New Jersey who are teen moms. I am hoping to befriend a Kardashian just to increase my chances for getting this show on the air.
  12. I will watch more TV, sleep more, work less at work, and ignore my loved ones more this year. I've been far too ambitious and kind for too long.

GEICO Guinea Pig Commercial - Extended Version

Happy New Year!


Submit a Comment

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Hehehe... just don't try doing number 12. I am glad you enjoyed the hub. Thanks for the votes!

  • Millionaire Tips profile image

    Shasta Matova 5 years ago from USA

    I like #12 the best, although all of them look like good resolutions. Oh wait, you don't want us to make those? What's wrong with being a trendsetter and realistic? Voted up and funny.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thank you both for the comments!

    penelopae - I am glad you really liked it. Thanks for the vote up!

    girltalksshop - I just found that video. I can't believe there was an extended version for that commercial. I kind of want a talking guinea pig for Christmas now. Thanks for the vote up!

  • profile image

    girltalksshop 5 years ago

    Loved the video!! : ) Your resolutions to avoid were good too. Very fun and funny hub. Had to vote it up!

  • penelopae profile image

    Becky Muth 5 years ago from Harpers Ferry, WV

    Hysterical! Definitely worth a vote up. You're amusing as ever. Loved it!