ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Downcast Elf

Updated on May 20, 2013
Downcast Elf
Downcast Elf | Source

Don’t believe any of that annual Holiday hype and hoopla beginning to go ‘round.

You know what I mean. All those seasonal movies and TV commercials and specials that will soon start popping up, about Santa’s little helpers, the North Pole, the great good cheer of the Yuletide, helpful yeti, solemn uplifting tales of selfless gift-giving, green grouches growing bigger hearts, anthropomorphized reindeer and — most ubiquitous and misleading perhaps — scores and more of jolly knee-high toy factory workers singing in unison while happily hammering and sawing away.

It is human nature yoked to tradition, I suppose, that as we wend our way through the increasingly windy weeks of October, and on into the chill days and biting nights of November and December, we become suffused with cheery anticipation of the coming joyful Christmas interlude and its attendant good times with friends, family and neighbors.

But all is not so cheery right now in elfdom. In fact, the particular specimen we see here — the depressingly dejected and downright downcast elf — is far more common than one might at first expect, and certainly more prevalent than his happier counterpart.

Consider, if you will:

Could this subdued and somber gnome be deflated at the thought that he alone will be expected, single-handedly, to turn out no fewer than 64 fully functioning shiny little red wagons, throughout just the next 50 days or so? For union scale? With but one hot cocoa break per shift, no less? (And, considering all of the cutbacks of recent years, there aren’t likely to be too many of those mini-marshmallows about, either.)

Or is he merely disconcerted that the snugly fitted peaked cap of his standard-issue elf uniform chafes upon his tender pointed skull so badly that he too — like his father, uncles, cousins, grandfather, great-uncles, and great-grandfather before him — is falling prey to premature elf-pattern baldness?

Could it be that the morning duty roster posted on the wall of the northeast dormitory stairwell happens to bear his name, scrawled in the elfmaster’s tight and precise penmanship, along the line adjacent to: “Reindeer stalls, mucking out and re-haying”?

Does this height-challenged and chronically anonymous line worker take umbrage at the fact that this year — like every single one of the preceding years fading back into the deep and forgotten mists of time — all of the Christmas glory and glamour will be hogged by that 6’-1” portly gent in the screaming red suit? Is it the big guy’s presumptuous booming bonhomie and rosy-cheeked “Ho-ho-ho!”-ing that is making this poor wimp so despondent?

Maybe he is instead merely in distinct gastric discomfiture due to Mrs. Claus’ 17th consecutive nightly repast of simmered seal-fluke stew with lichen garnish? Is he pining for those long ago days, when a hard-working elf’s dinner was occasionally leavened by the odd sweetberry pie? Or a few warm winter-wheat muffins with whipped yak butter? Or a steaming mug of spiced pumpkin cider?

Can you see now why it has become so difficult for our elfin friend to crack a single smile?


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • rickzimmerman profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Northeast Ohio

      Thanks, Suzette! (If you haven't already, you might check out my 'Little-Known Santas, No. 1 through 19 . . .)

    • suzettenaples profile image

      Suzette Walker 

      6 years ago from Taos, NM

      This left me in stitches. A little reality for the holiday season. I love the alliteration you use in this article. Excellently written! Again, I don't know why you aren't writing for SNL. You gotta do that someday. I can see these hubs of yours as SNL comedy sketches and scenes.

      Your illustrations are a riot.

    • rickzimmerman profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Northeast Ohio

      Thanks for the kind comments, P. Hope to keep turning out stuff for you to enjoy (just like a hard-working elf . . . ) ;—)

    • Paradise7 profile image


      6 years ago from Upstate New York

      Aw, I love the elf, grumpy or not. I always wondered about the Elf part of the Santa story. Didn't Lincoln free the slaves? I wouldn't be so jolly, either, if I had to churn out toys, day after day, with the sweat of my brow. And I bet the reindeer wish Santa would lose a few pounds, eh?

      I love your stuff. You have a terrific imagination and great illustrations and copy to go along with it.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)