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E.G.G Episode 57: Eileen Wuthrich: Director of E.G.G
AND THERE CAME A DAY, A DARK DAY. A DAY WHERE THE LIVES OF THREE FRIENDS WERE SINGLEHANDEDLY DESTROYED. BUT THAT DAY HASN’T HAPPENED YET. NOW, HISTORY HAS BEEN REWRITTEN, AND E.G.G WILL WAKE TO SEE A BRAND NEW DAY.
Previously, on E.G.G...
Maya Hansen, Josh's (now ex) girlfriend, turned out to be a scientist for Advanced Idea Mechanics, A.I.M, and the creator of the drug used to bring Eileen back from the dead, Extremis. She kidnapped E.G.G with a sinister plot to use Eileen's blood to create Extremis 3.0. Battling for their lives, Josh and Acacia worked together to escape the evil corporation, and with the help of James, Agent Rice, Anti-Venom, Squirrel Girl, and the full forces of S.H.I.E.L.D, they took down deadly foes, such as Savin, M.O.D.O.K, Extremis pumped goons, and the A.I.M Scientist Supreme Alby Moreno and his E.G.G Crusher. In the end, Maya sacrificed herself, realizing what she had done was wrong. Eileen revealed her identity as Lightstream to James, and Josh stepped down as acting Director of E.G.G, leaving Eileen in charge.
All parts to E.G.G v.s A.I.M:
And click here for the E.G.G v.s A.I.M Q&A
-Eileen Wuthrich: Director of E.G.G-
My name is Eileen Wuthrich. I, uh, I’m the director of a, uh, top secret-ish organization called E.G.G. We develop weapons for S.H.I.E.L.D, and… do other stuff… Ah, shell. Let me start again.
* * *
Eileen opened her eyes. She sat up and took a deep breath.
“This is it.” She said. She slid into her slippers, took a shower, brushed her teeth, then went back to her room. She opened her closet and pulled out a garment bag labeled ‘E.G.G Director Uniform’. She smiled and unzipped it.
“Yep, this is it.” She pulled on the uniform, zipped it up, then looked in her closet and pulled out a purple leather trench coat. She put it on and looked in the mirror. She saluted. “Eileen Wuthrich, Director of E.G.G reporting for duty! Hiya!” She punched the air, punched again, then kicked and accidentally shattered the mirror. “Oops!” She said. James opened the door and walked into the room.
“Am I seeing things, or is that the most beautiful girl on the…” He saw the shattered mirror. “Oh what? Again?”
“Sorry, sorry!” Eileen apologized, as he wrapped his arms around her.
“I use that mirror too you know.” He said.
“I know.” Eileen said sheepishly.
“Today is your big day, Director!” Eileen smiled.
“I can feel goose bumps!” She said. “This is so cool! And I have you by my side, that makes everything that much better.” James smiled, and the two began to kiss, when there was a knock at the door.
“Shell,” Eileen sighed.
“Shock.” James swore. They looked at each other excitedly.
“Shellshock!” They exclaimed simultaneously.
“Why didn’t we ever think of that before?” Eileen asked.
“I don’t know!” James replied. Eileen walked up to the door.
“Who is it?” She asked.
“Acacia, get out here!” Acacia called from the other end of the door. “You’ve got five minutes to show time!”
“I have ten minutes Acacia.” Eileen said.
“Actually, it’s five.” James confirmed, looking at his watch. Eileen sighed.
“Fine, we’ll finish this later.” She said, running her finger across James’s chest, who just grinned uncontrollably. “Then maybe I can come down the hall and see what you’re working on.”
“I told you, it’s a secret.” James said. “Now come on!” They walked out of their room, down the stairs, and into the Feeding Pen. All of the chairs were set up in rows and agents were sitting in them, chatting. In the front of the room was a podium with a microphone and three chairs next to it, two filled by Josh and Acacia. James sat next to Josh, who promptly grabbed his chair and scooted it a few inches away. James sighed.
“You know, if I’m gonna be dating Eileen, you’re gonna have to start to like me.” He said. Josh raised his eyebrows.
“No, no I really don’t.” He replied. James shook his head and sat back. Eileen walked up to the podium, and everyone in the room stood up and cheered. Eileen held up her hands and everyone stopped.
“Wow, that actually works?” She said. Everyone laughed. She smiled. “Well, thank you all for the warm welcome, and welcome to our very first staff meeting!” Everybody clapped.
“Yeah, I thought of staff meetings,” Josh said. “But then I realized I don’t own a staff!” The room was silent. Josh cleared his throat and sat back in his seat.
“Right,” Eileen said. “Anyways, as most of you already know, my name is Eileen Wuthrich, and I’m the new Director of E.G.G. Now, I don’t want come out the gate making drastic changes to the established order our esteemed previous director has set up…”
“Esteemed.” Josh called. “Everybody hear that? She called me esteemed.” Eileen awkwardly laughed.
“Yep, I sure did.” She said. “Either way, I was reviewing some policies and thought that we could benefit from a few minor changes.” Eileen took out a list. “I understand that there is a cap on the amount of Pop Tarts you are allowed to eat?” All of the agents disgruntledly confirmed as Josh smiled in approval. “Well, this rule is unnecessary, and frankly, quite silly.” Josh sat up quickly.
“Eileen…” He firmly whispered. “What are you doing?”
“So, from this day forth, the cap is lifted, and you can eat as many Pop Tarts as you’d like.” The room was filled with roaring applause.
“No, no, no, this is a mistake!” Josh began to stand up but Acacia grabbed his pants and pulled him back into his chair.
“Shut up and sit down.” She said. Josh sunk in his seat sadly.
“Next point of order.” Eileen said. “I understand that there is a rule prohibiting dating amongst agents? Initially, this was done because the notion of dating a coworker was inappropriate and unprofessional. Well, recently I’ve fallen for a quite handsome man,” She said, looking at James, who smiled. “And so I figured, what’s the harm in a little love? So, form this day forth, inter agency dating is now permitted.”
“Thank you!” An agent in the audience screamed, as he grabbed the girl next to him and they began to passionately make out.
“Geez, wonder how long that’s been going on.” Acacia said.
“She can’t do that!” Josh exclaimed. “She can’t do this! There are rules in place for a reason, she can’t just…”
“Shh…” Acacia shushed. Josh folded his arms and angrily sat back as everybody cheered.
“Thank you,” Eileen said. “Alright, next, you all know that we recently had a little dust up with Advance Idea Mechanics? Well, we crippled them, but we didn’t take them down. So if you see anything from A.I.M, a robot, a package, a bomb, report it to me, Josh, or Acacia immediately.” Everyone nodded in confirmation.
“And, one final point. During our battle with A.I.M, we realized that the S.H.I.E.L.D agents we provide weapons for were poorly equipped and being outdone by A.I.M at every corner. The thing is though, A.I.M is a think tank, and everyone there is a scientist of some sort. Josh, Acacia and I, we’re three people. We only have so many ideas for weapons, and when we’re constantly being kidnapped by A.I.M, or fighting the Masters of Doom, we don’t have time to make them all. And I’ll bet that plenty of you have great ideas. Come on, throw some at me!” An agent raised his hand. “Yes, you there?”
“I always thought a shockwave was an effective way to clear a room of bad guys.” He said. “Maybe some sort of device that emits shockwaves in a, say, 20 foot radius?” Josh snorted.
“Please.” He whispered to Acacia. “That has to be the stupidest idea I’ve ever…”
“That’s brilliant!” Eileen exclaimed.
“Wait, what?” Josh said.
“Anyone else?” She coaxed. “Come on, don’t be shy!”
“A laser sword!” Another agent shouted.
“Energy syphoning gloves!”
“Kinetically charged playing cards!”
“Eye beam glasses!”
“External rock-hard armor!”
“Lightning gun!” Ideas spewed this way and that. Eileen laughed happily.
“Yes, yes! All of these are brilliant! Which is why from here on out, the Humpty Dumpty Hall is open to everyone!” The audience roared with applause. Josh stood up quickly.
“Eileen, I think you should seriously reconsider…” Acacia grabbed him and slammed him in his seat.
“If I have to sit you down one more time, I swear!” She growled. Eileen held her hands up and everyone stopped.
“Thank you.” She said. “Now lastly, I would like to make known that former Director Joshua Westbrook’s rank is now commander, so you will address him as…”
“Oh come on!” Allyson called. “We’d all have to work a lifetime to get that high! Take him down to Captain!” The audience cheered in agreement.
“You’ve got to be kidding me…” Josh said.
“Captain! Captain! Captain!” The audience chanted. Eileen looked nervously at Josh, who shook his head no. She sighed.
“If you all think it’s fair,” She said. “Then Captain Westbrook it is.”
“NO!” Josh shouted, but was drowned out by the roar of applause.
“One more thing,” Allyson said. “I hate to be nit-picky, but, the jacket, yeah, that’s breaking uniform.” Josh looked down at his blue leather trench coat. “Only the director can break uniform.”
“No, Eileen, please, not my coat!” Josh begged.
“Loose the coat! Loose the coat! Loose the coat!” The audience chanted. Eileen looked to Josh and held out her hand. Josh’s lip quivered as he took off of his coat and handed it to Eileen. The audience went wild.
“Alright, alright.” Eileen said. “I guess this concludes our first ever staff meeting, everybody have a great day!” Everyone left the room and James approached Eileen.
“You did great babe!” He said, hugging her.
“Thank you James, I was so nervous!” Eileen admitted.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll be the best director E.G.G has ever…”
“Inconsiderate!” They both turned to see Josh trudging towards them, Acacia holding him back. “Thick-headed, undermining my authority, two-bit, no good…”
“I there something you’d like to say to me Josh?” Eileen asked.
“How could you do that?” He shouted. “The Pop Tarts! Inexcusable! Opening the Humpty Dumpty Hall to the public! Inconceivable! And reversing the dating rule to suit your own needs! I asked you when I first starting dating that mean girl that got my jacket taken away if you’d turn me in, and you said yes!”
“Josh, who would I have turned you in to? You were the director!” Josh stopped.
“Yeah, and not only that, but you could reversed the rule at any time.”
“I could have… agh! My head hurts, I’m gonna go lay down!” He pulled away from Acacia and began to storm off, then he stopped, turned, and snatched his coat. “Give me my shelling jacket!” He growled, storming off again.
“You can’t wear it!” Eileen called after him, as Josh just waved her off. Acacia laughed.
“I think he’s jealous.” She said.
“Nah, he’s just upset he got demoted two ranks.” Eileen said. “He’ll come around. In the meantime, I have an organization to run!”
Josh, meanwhile, was laying in his room, staring at the ceiling.
“Thinks she’s all that,” he grumbled to himself. “With her stupid staff meetings, and her stupid dating rule…” Suddenly Josh’s wrist communicator began to beep. He grabbed it off of the dresser and answered it. “Captain Useless speaking, how may I help you?” He said sarcastically.
“Not how I’m used to being greeted.” Nick Fury replied.
“Oh, it’s you. What do you want Fury?”
“A little respect wouldn’t hurt.”
“Sorry, sir. What is it you need?”
“Those data reports I sent you a week ago. And the ones I sent you this morning?”
“Talk to Eileen about that. She’s the new director.”
“Wait a minute, did you say Eileen is the new director of E.G.G?” Fury asked, raising his eyebrow.
“Yeah, I guess I should explain how we…”
“Well it’s about time!” Fury happily exclaimed. Josh paused.
“You were a horrible director. I was wondering how long it would take you to switch out. I’ll call Eileen.” Fury cut the transmission. Josh growled under his breath and crunched his wrist communicator.
Eileen walked into the Inner Shell and looked around to see every agent with a Pop Tart.
“Geez,” She said. “Guess they do like Pop Tarts.” Suddenly two agents slammed against the wall in front of her and began making out. “Wow! Okay, hey you two, back to work!” They continued to make out, completely ignoring Eileen. “Hello? Did you hear a word I just…” Suddenly there was an explosion in the Humpty Dumpty Hall. “What the shell was that!” She rushed in to see a bunch of agents scorched from the blast, and one holding two wires.
“Um… I can explain Director…” He said.
“Agent, what was field at S.H.I.E.L.D?” She asked.
“So why are you in here?”
“I had an idea for a new invention!”
“But you had no clue as to how to work any of the equipment in here?”
“I figured it’d be self-exclamatory…”
“Get out.” Eileen said as he rushed out. “My goodness, these people are going mad!”
“Director Eileen.” Jocasta called.
“Just Eileen for you Jocasta, we’re friends.” Eileen corrected.
“Revising… Just Eileen, Director Fury of S.H.I.E.L.D is on in conference room B-3.”
“Oh, okay, thank you. And it’s just Eileen.”
“That is what I said, Just Eileen.”
“No, there’s no just, it’s only Eileen.”
“As you wish, Only Eileen.”
“No! I… agh, never mind!” Eileen walked into the conference room where Fury’s face was on the screen.
“Congrats on the new position.” He said.
“Thank you Director Fury.” She replied. “That means a lot coming from you. How can I help you?”
“You haven’t by chance finished the data reports, have you?”
“Yep, yesterday, and the ones you sent this morning as well. I’ve already emailed them.”
“Wonderful!” Fury exclaimed, delighted. “I think there’s a bright future with you in the director’s seat.”
“Thank you sir.” She said. The screen went blank and Eileen left the room. She was walking down the hall when she spotted Agent Becket kneeling outside of the female’s locker room with a drill and a camcorder.
“What the shell are you doing?” She asked. He quickly jumped up.
“Who, me? Oh, I uh… I’m making sure this wall is… nice and sturdy.”
“Wow. You’re not only a creep, but a liar too. Two week suspension.”
“Wait a minute, two who what now!”
“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.” She said, walking away and leaving Agent Becket completely dumbfounded. She rounded the corner to see a group of agents crowded around an object.
“Excuse me?” She called, as they all looked towards her. “What is that?”
“Oh, a bomb from A.I.M.” One agent replied. “We couldn’t find you, so were just waiting until you got back.” Eileen’s eyes widened.
“You guys cannot seriously be that stupid!” She shouted, pushing through them to see five seconds left on the bomb. “Oh shell!” She grabbed it and absorbed the power from it, shutting it down. “Phew. You three, next time you find a bomb, tell somebody! Anybody! Don’t just stand around it and wait for it to blow!”
“Yes ma’am!” They all replied, walking off. Eileen put her hand on her forehead and leaned against the wall. “Okay, just calm down, calm down…”
“Um, Ms. Wuthrich?”
“Oh my goodness, just shell the shock off! Please, for one minute can you all just leave me…” Eileen looked to see Celeste standing there, tears coming to her eyes. “Oh no, Celeste, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…” Celeste cried and ran off. Eileen sighed. “Congratulations Eileen, you made a little girl cry.” Suddenly all of the lights went out and the base powered down. “Oh what the shell is it now!”
* * *
In the generator room, Josh was banging a pole against the machinery, causing it to blow out. Steam was blowing out everywhere, things were exploding, and all of the gauges were in the red zone. Josh smiled in approval.
“Let’s see how miss know-it-all Director Wuthrich deals with a full base wide overload!” He said. “Hahahahaha!!!!”
“Josh?” He turned to see Eileen walk into the room. “What’s going on down here? Did a fuse blow or something?” She looked to see the pole on the ground. “Wait a minute… Did you do this?!”
“Oh, how perceptive.” Josh said sarcastically. He slammed a button on his chest, and the backpack he was wearing covered him in green and gold Joshinator armor. “Say hello to the Director’s Revenge armor.” He said, readying a fighting stance.
“Josh, have you lost your mind!” Eileen shouted. “You just sabotaged E.G.G Base and now you’re trying to fight me, in your armor!”
“Round two!” He shouted, as his eye twitched. “Winner takes all: E.G.G, one million dollars, and that smoking hot babe with the nice metallic finish!”
“Jocasta? Okay, you’ve gone completely nuts, I need to stop you, now.” Eileen got in a fighting stance.
“Yaaaaaaa!!!!!” Josh screamed, wildly flailing his arms and charging at Eileen.
“Ahhhhh!!!!” Eileen cried, running in perfect form towards Josh. The two collided, and Josh slid back. He sat up and wiped his mouth.
“Ohhh, so you think you’re tough, huh?” he said.
“Stand down Josh, I don’t want to hurt you!”
“It’s not me you should worry about getting hurt! Hahaha!” Just then a small missile folded out of his arm.
“Oh shell!” Eileen shouted as he launched it. She jumped up, grabbed a bar, spun around and launched herself to another walkway.
“Oh, you got some moves, do ya now?” Josh shouted. He knocked his boots together and fire spewed out, launching him into the air. “Hahahahaha!” He laughed, shooting at Eileen with his wrist gun. She sprinted down the walkway to avoid his fire, but Josh flipped around in the air and landed in front of her. He aimed his gun and she stopped.
“You’re not well, let me help you Josh.” She said, backing up.
“You think you’re cute, huh?” He said. “With your stupid red hair and your multi-colored eyes and your little button nose! I’ll show you who’s cute!” He grabbed her and picked her up over his head.
“Ah! Josh, put me down!” She yelled. He walked over to the ledge where an electric generator was running at full strength at the bottom.
“Happy landings!” He shouted, throwing her down.
“Ahhh!” She screamed. She hurtled towards the generator, but just before she fell in, she stopped herself midair and landed safely on the walkway. Josh looked down.
“Still alive? No matter, I’ll finish the job myself!” He jumped down and landed in front of Eileen.
“Josh, come back to me, or I will hurt you, badly!” She gathered lightning on her hands.
“Go ahead and try!” Josh shouted. He pressed a button on his wrist and a laser began to charge. “Have a nice rep as the shortest lived director in history! Hahahahaha-” Suddenly Josh was blasted from behind. “Agh!” He screamed, sliding forward as James descended on his jet pack.
“Get the shock away from her!” He demanded, aiming his gun at Josh.
“James!” Eileen happily exclaimed, running towards him. Suddenly Josh jumped up and swiped her leg, tripping her.
“Whoa… whoa…” She said, as she was losing her balance.
“Eileen!” James called, rushing over. But Josh pushed Eileen over the rail and into the generator.
“AAAAHHHHHHHH!” She screamed as she fell in.
“NO!” James shouted, rushing over to the rail. Josh began to laugh sinisterly.
“I did it…” He said. “The Director has had his revenge!” James looked over at Josh, fuming angry.
“You’re gonna pay for that.” He said. Josh began to move towards him, and James did the same. They both picked up speed. Josh raised his fist and was about to punch James when Eileen flew out of the generator, glowing blue.
“It’s over!” she shouted, blasting Josh with an immense shock.
“Agahaghaaaahhhh!” Josh screamed as his armor shorted out and he fell to the ground, unconscious.
“Eileen, you’re alive!” James exclaimed, as she floated to the ground and he hugged her. “But how?”
“Electric generator,” She said. “I just absorbed all the electricity. And man, what a rush! I was overcharged, and it felt great!”
“Well I’m glad you’re okay.” He looked down at Josh. “He’ll come around, huh? I believe that’s what you said.”
“I had no idea he’d take it this hard.” Eileen admitted. “But now that trying to kill me is out of his system, I think he’ll be okay. This time, I’m sure.”
* * *
“My name is Eileen Wuthrich. I’m the Director of a weapons development agency called Experimental Government Gadgets. In addition to making weapons for S.H.I.E.L.D, we occasionally save the world. Do I know how to be director of my own organization? No, but I’ve got to say, I’m having one shellshock of a time making it up as I go along.” Eileen cut her hand across her throat and James turned off the camera.
“How was that?” She asked.
“Perfect.” He replied.
“You’re just saying that because you want a kiss.”
“Yes I am.”
“Kidding. But seriously, you are completely flawless.”
“Wow. You really gonna stick with that?”
“Uh… you… make mistakes, but handle every situation with a level of finesse that boarders flawlessness?”
“Good boy.” Eileen said, kissing him. “Man, this is really stressful. I understand why Josh swears so much, I’ve said shell more times today than I can count!”
“You’ll grow into it.” James said, putting his arm around her. She snuggled on his shoulder.
“Thank you James.” She said. “Like I said, I have no clue how to be director, but with you by my side, I just know that I can do it!”
“Seriously Westbrook?” Fury asked Josh, who was sitting in Fury’s office. “Day one as director, and you try to kill her?”
“I told you, I regret my actions sir.” Josh said. “I… kind of lost it. But I’m fine now, really!”
“Then why am I not convinced?” Fury asked, leaning in close to Josh. Josh cleared his throat.
“I was just upset, I thought that she was trying to undermine my authority…”
“Don’t talk to me about authority!” Fury ordered. Josh nervously swallowed.
“I’m sorry sir…”
“I have the full report right here.” He said, opening a file. “It says that you attacked her in a mechanized battle suit, with intent to kill. Where did you even get a mechanized battle suit?”
“It was a, uh… prototype, left over in the Hall of E.G.G…” Fury sighed and walked over to the window.
“Talking to me about authority.” He said. “You know, I have authority to demote you to a mall cop running graveyard shift in the middle of nowheres-ville Kansas.”
“I know sir.” Josh said. Fury threw the file on the desk.
“And what’s the matter with you? A Pop-Tart limitation? Come on.”
“The agents get out of control sir.” Josh defended. Fury shook his head.
“Wish I’d have known that earlier. Would’ve made you take it off immediately.”
“I’m sorry sir.” Fury began to leave, then stopped.
“I’m keeping an eye on him sir.”
“He’s building something in your base.”
“I can’t tell what it is yet, but I’m having Jocasta run close surveillance.” Fury nodded and left the room. “Have a nice day sir!” Josh called after him.
“Talking to me about authority…” Fury grumbled to himself, and went to continue his daily routine.
See you next week!
Alright, make sure you tune in next week Thursday, November 26, and catch the Q&A for this episode! Then come back the next day, November 27, for E.G.G Episode 58:Heroes for Hire! Talk about Jessica Jones! And yes, since missed a week, I'll post on Thanksgiving! My way of giving thanks to you!