ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Not Your Usual Fanny-Packer

Updated on September 5, 2015
Cartoon by Rick Zimmerman
Cartoon by Rick Zimmerman

As I calmly nursed the ailing rust-pocked and chugging 1952 Ford Country Squire woodie up the gentle rise of Old Route 66 coming into Oatman, Arizona, I was most definitely taken aback and surprised to spy a fluorescent pink fannypack, with livid turquoise zippers, strawberry stitching, and a bright goldenrod daisy medallion, wrapped about the hips of this bizarre character!

He was apparently — understatedly and understandably — not your usual fannypacker.

To start with, there was the odd roadside location. After all, Oatman, a small mining town in Mohave County’s remote Black Mountains is not a spot one where might readily expect to encounter such a fastidious, and, well, suburban, travel accessory. This former gold rush town was still experiencing a long slow decaying slide begun after the 1953 construction of a new highway bypass, and can now boast of only slightly more than six score residents (if it embraces the entire surrounding zip code, that is). I had arrived amid the deserted shacks and battered adobe huts to snap some photos of the town’s roaming wild burros and to perhaps try my hand at mid-August sidewalk breakfast preparation using the famed Oatman Egg Fry.

Easing my foot slightly off the accelerator, my eyes rose from the quite fey fannypack to that wild burnt orange burst of Wavy Gravy locks, not sure yet whether I was examining a rowdy Janis wannabe or a skinny Slash imitator. But soon the slightly protruding fringe of a matching beard from a sharply chiseled chin indicated it was the latter. (Hey, the hairy legs weren’t yet enough of a clue to this one’s gender. Could have been a liberated lass that wasn’t really into that ol’ sexist leg-shaving routine.)

My olfactory senses were next assaulted by the hefty and ripely pungent doob protruding from this dude’s fist. Judging by the truly mind-bending and -expanding euphoria that overcame me upon just the briefest of inhalations through the station wagon’s open window, I figure this guy’s got an even better supplier than Snoop Dogg. That same fist happened to be grasping the neck of what must be one of the few and exceedingly valuable replicas of Jimmy Page’s famed Fender Telecaster guitar (y’know, the one used for nothing less than the totally awesome solo of ‘Stairway to Heaven’).

Wrapped gaily about the wrist of his other right-angled thumb-poking appendage was the kind of androgynous hippie scarf popularized by the likes of Steve Tyler. Meanwhile, his overall itinerant bard attire was fleshed out by other de rigueur rock apparel, like the rumpled and rolled skinny chinos, a loose-laced pair of clunkily oversized high-top sneakers (black, of course), and a tight and well worn violet velvet blazer over a torn t-shirt. Lennon-style tinted granny glasses further punctuated his image.

And to top it all off, he sported the ultimate highway troubadour’s accent — a riotously decorated felt higher-than-high top hat, such as the Mad Hatter might have worn, if that Mad Hatter was a cross between a drunken Johnny Depp and a pscilocybin-gorged Jerry Garcia.

Made me wonder: just what exactly did that fannypack hold?

  • Somebody Must Love Plush Bunnies
    Somebody Must Love Plush Bunnies Now, there’s a vanity license plate that says it all! Clearly, this person loves bunny, or, more accurately, bunnies. I’d say there are a few love objects along for the ride. But just look at all of those...
  • Time To Quit
    Time To Quit Perchance the realization has finally come to chain-smoking Chollie that it might at last be time to quit. An everted pulmonary organ, hanging slackly and blackly from one’s gasping gaping mouth, tends to make a pretty strong...
  • Nate, the Year's #1 Salesnewt
    Nate, The Year's #1 Salesnewt Some say that the key to young Nate’s success is his approachable amphibian attitude — a characteristic that has also made a quite popular pitchman of a certain refined gecko lately. Still others contend that...
  • You Know You've Been Married Too Long When . . .
    Married Too Long? — your partner can hit all of your hot buttons using just 3 or 4 words. — you realize your next wedding anniversary is the Double-A Battery Anniversary. — you start wearing the same size pants. — you know exactly how...
  • You Are a Potato!
    Yep. That's a spud! by rlz Are you a middle-aging guy who gets bluer and bluer each time you glance in the mirror? Beginning to resemble your Dad a bit too much? In a scary way? Take heart — and let me help you see yourself in a whole new light. ...
  • Whiskers Plots
    Whiskers Plots I have seen this look before. And heard this ominous whistling, too. The thoughtful sequential tapping of claw after claw on linoleum. I can tell. Whiskers plots. Right now, he is planning some diabolical feline freakishness. That I...
  • A Bit Too Much
    Too Much Yep. Too much. Too much subsistence on nothing but bottle after bottle of purified water, organic cruciferous vegetables, flax seed and air. Too many reps with those twenty-pound dumbbells. Too many leg-lifts at max counterweight. ...


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)