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Nate, the Year's #1 Salesnewt
Some say that the key to young Nate’s success is his approachable amphibian attitude — a characteristic that has also made a quite popular pitchman of a certain refined gecko lately.
Still others contend that his substantial appeal (particularly to consumers of the fairer sex) lies in his wavy-headed good looks, his insouciant demeanor, and that signature come-hither finger curl of his.
Yet a third cohort believes that Nate owes all of his very green good fortune to the beneficent guidance and favoritism of a doting great-uncle (and another great shill in his own right) a certain Mr. Gingrich, formerly of the United States House of Representatives.
And finally there are those that believe that Nate could probably sell just about anything, as long as he remains less annoying than that pushy babe hawking car insurance discounts every evening over TV dinners.
Whatever the reasons, later this fall Nate will be recognized by The National Association of Salespersons, Touts and Yahoos (NASTY) at their upcoming annual dinner, speechfest and cotillion, as this country’s #1 Salesnewt. The festivities, to be held at a sprawling pseudo-Reconstruction-Era hotel and convention center in Nashville, will profile the many accomplishments securing Nate this year’s award, trophy, platinum cigar-trimmer, and custom oxblood loafers.
Those include securing book contracts for a growing roster of disgraced and outed politicians; moving the greatest number of Ninth Ward New Orleans homes, hovels and lots, post-Katrina; playing a key role in proving several major U. S. corporations too big to fail; orchestrating numerous fundraising tea parties across the nation; keeping the lid on oil spill clean-up disbursements; and assisting administrations in Arizona, Wyoming and Ohio in the drafting of legislation.
Would you believe that this fine female exemplar of the species known as Sus scrofa domesticus (or, more simply, a domesticated pig) started out as just a 2.7 pound, not-much-bigger-than-a-Coke-can oinker? Strange, but true, that. She was..
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