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Fun Quotes

Updated on March 25, 2014

Laughter, the Best Medicine

Research studies have shown that laughter can help relieve pain, reduce stress, and even increase immunity. There are many other health benefits of laughter as well, some include: mental and physical release, and as a distraction for negative emotions.

Humor can give us a more optimistic perspective on the struggles that everyday life can bring. Laughter is contagious, and helps bring people together when shared with others. Take some time out of your schedule and plan an event with some close friends and relatives, spend some fun time just wasting time, laughing, and relaxing -- all while doing something healthy for yourself.

But, for now, sit back and enjoy some funny short quotes by some famous people as well as great quotes from a few anonymous authors....

~ Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. ~ Albert Einstein


~ As I get older, I just prefer to knit. ~ Tracey Ullman

~ A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. ~ Yogi Berra

~ I can resist everything except temptation. ~ Oscar Wilde

~ A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. ~ Anonymous

~ If you can't fix it with duck tape, you haven’t used enough. ~ Anonymous

~ If at first you do not succeed, then skydiving is surely not meant for you. ~ Anonymous

~ As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.~ Buddy Hackett

~ A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. ~ Groucho Marx

~ A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. ~ Erma Bombeck

~ The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. ~ Robert Bloch

~ When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick. ~ George Burns


~ Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving. ~ Erma Bombeck

~ Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. ~ Mark Twain

~ Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. ~ Jim Carrey

~ There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. ~ Anonymous

~ Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. ~ Louis Hector Berlioz

~ If I were invited to a dinner party with my characters, I wouldn’t show up. ~ Dr Seuss

~ A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. ~ Bill Cosby

~ Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. ~ George Burns

~ If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. ~ Laurence J. Peter


~ I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries. ~ Stephen King

~ I failed to make the chess team because of my height. ~ Woody Allen

~ Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name. ~ Milton Berle

~ Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.~ Mark Twain

~ Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly. ~ P. J. O'Rourke

~ I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.~ Woody Allen

~ I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me. ~ Stephen Fry

~ Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. ~ Jay Leno

~ I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. ~ Frank Sinatra

~ I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

~ I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. ~ Lily Tomlin


~ Weather forecast for tonight: dark. ~ George Carlin

~ Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. ~ Ronald Reagan

~ Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children. ~ Samuel Butler

~ Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. ~ Robert Orben

~ There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it. ~ Dennis Miller

~ The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby. ~ Natalie Wood

~ People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant. ~ Ellen DeGeneres

~ The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver. ~ Jay Leno

~ Never stand between a dog and the hydrant. ~ John Peers

~ I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. ~ Joan Rivers


~ One man's folly is another man's wife. ~ Helen Rowland

~ Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out? ~ Will Rogers

~ You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.~ Dean Martin

~ Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. ~ Anonymous

~ If you love your job, you haven't worked a day in your life. ~ Tommy Lasorda

~ My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. ~ Jack Nicholson

~ A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah. ~ Ronald Reagan

~ Never wear a backward baseball cap to an interview unless applying for the job of umpire. ~ Dan Zevin

~ Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. ~ Rod Stewart

Robin Williams Stand Up

~ If you cannot read this, please ask the flight attendant for assistance. ~ United Airlines Flight Safety Brochure

Bill Engvall ~ Here's Your Sign

~ Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. ~ Robin Williams


~ Work is the curse of the drinking classes. ~ Oscar Wilde

~ To err is dysfunctional, to forgive co-dependent. ~ Berton Averre

~ Arrogant and right is surely better than humble and wrong. ~ Geoff Arbuthnot

~ Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. ~ Mark Twain

~ The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits. ~ Albert Einstein

~ Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff. ~ Steven Wright

~ A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often. ~ Oliver Herford

~ I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets. ~ Dave Edison

~ Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are driving taxi cabs and cutting hair. ~ George Burns

~ Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives. ~ Sue Murphy

~ USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population. ~ David Letterman


~ The older I get, the smarter my Dad gets. ~ Mark Twain

~ Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse. ~ Groucho Marx

~ We are all either fools or undiscovered geniuses. ~ Bonnie Lin

~ What's another word for Thesaurus? ~ Steven Wright

~ Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. ~ Oscar Wilde

~ If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either. ~ Dick Cavett


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    • scarlton profile imageAUTHOR

      Shana Hurt 

      7 years ago from Boonville

      Eiddwen and AEvans I am glad you enjoyed the hub and thank you so much for reading!

    • Eiddwen profile image


      7 years ago from Wales

      Great hub, I am addicted to quotes as some of my hubs show.

      I rate up here.

      I loved these and thanks for sharing.

      Take care


    • AEvans profile image


      7 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

      You have given all of us a laugh! lololo We sat around the computer enjoying this hub! Thanks for the laughter. :D Thumbs up! :)


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