Because of the special relationship beteen the Us and UK the American citizen is guaranteed a special welcome ,complete safety and can even take advantage of free sexual favours. What a vacation to take advantage of.
American citizens can:
Push their way to the head of every queue(only senior Royals have priority).
If stopped by police for speeding on motorways, simply say, " listen pal, I'm a US citzen". The police officer will immediately apologise and wave you on.(Remember the UK is the junior partner in this special relationship) For more serious offences mention you are good friends with Raoul Moat or Harry Roberts.Both notorious cop killers. Believe me ,this will scare the.... out of the officer.
A recent survey found 80% of married Londoners are into wife swapping.So all you have to say is "Is your wife up for a bit of hanky panky tonight." This is London code for every deviant sexual practice known to man. This only works if you are married but luckily and strangely , your own wife doesn't have to be present.
Gee, that's funny, seanor. In the US, we have special provisions for visiting Brits. At the airport, there is a secret code for Brits to use that will allow them to bypass the queue very quickly. All they need to say is "bomb," and they'll get very special treatment in no time at all.
When you get leave the airport and get into your cab, just tell the cabbie that you've never been here before, and he will get you to your destination in record time.
When stopped by the police, it is customary to get out of the car, touch him (or her) and ask them where they got their cool hat. Then invite them to join you at Dunkin Donuts for a special treat.
That should do it!
We Brits also love it if you ask us if we know the Queen and talk to us in a 'Cock-er-nee' accent á la Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins - don't forget to brush up on your rhyming slang!
If you are in London and you start to feel lonely because you miss your family back home in America, then just go to Buckingham Palace and cuddle one of those guards in the big furry hats - they aren't allowed to back away from you.
Being American, you're also allowed to knock on the back door of the Palace & say to the butler that answers:
"I'm here to partake of afternoon tea and scones with their majesties my good man"
If you say it exactly in those words, he is obliged to let you enter and serve you the said meal. (The Queen and her husband may not always be in residence as they have several other Castles that they like to spend time in)
Just remember if you do want to come to the UK from America you have to have the special Londoner Visa after having completed your Londoner training; I can provide you with all of the information you need and the right PayPal address at which to make your payment.
Have a Nice Day
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