Looking for Feedback

  1. MyJourney profile image61
    MyJourneyposted 6 years ago

    I've been working on this poem for a bit and keep getting stuck.  Would love some feedback based on where I am now:

    Family members like leaves on a tree
    Aging, changing colors and falling
    As I rake through the memories
    I wonder where the time has gone

    I remember all the time spent
    Parties, bbqs and visits galore
    Turned into weddings, wakes, funerals
    And nothing more

    1. Stump Parrish profile image61
      Stump Parrishposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Try a different intro. This opens up a few different story lines. You can still work family into it but any other significant part of you life as well. Peace and good luck. I look forward to seeing it when it's finished.

      Memories hang like leaves on a tree
      Aging, changing colors and falling
      As I rake thru the days of my past
      I wonder where the time has gone

    2. Martin Murtagh profile image59
      Martin Murtaghposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      I notice that your first verse is blank but the second verse has rhyming in the 2nd and 4th line

      If you're stuck, I suggest you unchain yourself from the rhyme and stick to blank as you will have more options.

 
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