What the Hell are you Americans doing to your school system!?!?!

Jump to Last Post 1-17 of 17 discussions (32 posts)
  1. Greek One profile image63
    Greek Oneposted 11 years ago

    The following questions were set in last year's  GCSE   examination 

    These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............

    Q. Name the four seasons
    A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

    Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
    A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large  pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

    Q. How is dew formed
    A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

    Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
    A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

    Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
    A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

    Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
    A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

    Q. What are steroids
    A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs             

    Q.. What happens to your body as you age
    A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

    Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
    A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery               

    Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
    A. Premature death

    Q. What is artificial insemination
    A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

    Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
    A. Keep it in the cow                                               

    Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen)
    A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels:
    Q. What is the fibula?
    A. A small lie

    Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
    A. Nearby

    Q. What is the most common form of birth control
    A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium           

    Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
    A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

    Q. What is a seizure?
    A. A Roman Emperor.                             

    Q. What is a terminal illness
    A. When you are sick at the airport.                 

    Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
    A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

    Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
    A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.                     

    Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
    A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight   

    Q. What is a turbine?
    A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

    1. Taylor P. J. profile image59
      Taylor P. J.posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I do believe many of those answers were meant to be just pranks, or is that too obvious

    2. Ivorwen profile image67
      Ivorwenposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for the laugh! 

      At least they are creative when they can't think of the correct answer.  Better than leaving a blank.  smile

  2. recommend1 profile image60
    recommend1posted 11 years ago

    Are you surprised in a country where around half of the schools teach that the world was created by a vicious egotitistical homophobic super being in a 6 day week 6000 years ago ??

    1. Greek One profile image63
      Greek Oneposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      you mean Mel Gibson?

  3. lyndre profile image60
    lyndreposted 11 years ago

    lol lol

    Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
    A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.

    I have no chance of a mortgage in America then.

  4. wilderness profile image95
    wildernessposted 11 years ago

    I don't believe you.  You're lying.  These answers are from a 8 year old child graduating from the 2nd grade.

    Actually, though, you may be right after all.  Not being familiar with the term GCSE I googled it; it seems to be a test for secondary education in England, Scotland, Wales, Ireland and a few other British territories.  Perhaps it IS true! lol

    If these are typical answers from 16 year old children I would say the world has a definite problem, and one beyond anything I would have expected.

    If they are hand picked, scattered answers from a handful of graduates, they're funny as all get out.  Sad, but funny. lol

  5. profile image0
    klarawieckposted 11 years ago

    Where did you get this info from? lol

    I totally agree with the kid about the milk. That's actually pretty clever... "keep it in the cow"

    Sounds like a bunch of smart as$es answering the questions to get a laugh.

  6. KK Trainor profile image60
    KK Trainorposted 11 years ago

    That's just a joke email that's been going around for years. I've gotten it from many friends already. They are obviously just silly answers and if you think that the majority of the students in US schools are really that dumb then you're mistaken. Amazing that so many of us can put sentences together to respond to your question.

  7. Rosie2010 profile image69
    Rosie2010posted 11 years ago

    lol so hilarious!!!  Thanks for the laugh, Greek One.  Still laughing...

  8. Aficionada profile image85
    Aficionadaposted 11 years ago

    I also didn't have a clue as to what GCSE meant, until I read wilderness' post above. (Sort of makes you think maybe it isn't actually about American education, doesn't it?)

    As with the Nigerian e-mail scam, it doesn't take very long before the whole thing just doesn't ring true.

    It also reminds me of Jay Leno's "Man on the Street" interviews from years back.  They started out as humor about people who had misunderstood something, or who actually did not know something important; but as the bit became popular, the interviews became deliberately ridiculous.  The interviewees made stupid mistakes and statements just to be funny - and so they were not funny at all.  Like the examples in the e-mail above.

  9. Greek One profile image63
    Greek Oneposted 11 years ago

    My dear American friends, it seems some that of you may have taken offense where none was intended. 

    I would NEVER want to falsely imply that some Americans are not very bright, simply for the purpose of a joke.






    1. Uninvited Writer profile image79
      Uninvited Writerposted 11 years agoin reply to this
      1. Aficionada profile image85
        Aficionadaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

        Like Jay Leno.  Where did they get that laugh track?

        1. Greek One profile image63
          Greek Oneposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          Canadian viewers smile

          1. Aficionada profile image85
            Aficionadaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            Oh, I understood the viewers were from Canada. The track just sounded like they were laughing disproportionately - the way the Tonight Show audience might do.  Instead of heh-heh-ho-hum, it was like R ! O ! F ! L ! M ! F ! B ! O !.

            I think I've been giving Canadians way too much credit for classiness! smile  Good to be corrected on that score. big_smile

            1. Greek One profile image63
              Greek Oneposted 11 years agoin reply to this

              it's OK.. everyone makes mistakes smile

        2. Uninvited Writer profile image79
          Uninvited Writerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

          They showed it to a studio audience. So...no comment on the content?

          1. Aficionada profile image85
            Aficionadaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            I don't mind commenting on the content, but I'll try to tone it down from my original reaction. big_smile

            Humor is a very individual thing and - as someone mentioned in a different thread - it's not a good idea to explain a joke.  I didn't watch the entire video, because it got really old, really fast - to me.  The impression I got was of someone (prior to recording) telling the person, "Say 'Congratulations, Canada, for _____'!" and then the person would comply on-camera and then they added the laugh-track.  It's probably the sort of thing that is funny if someone is in the right mood for it.  Maybe?  "Congratulations, Canada, for legalizing staplers."  Oh well.

            It did remind me a little bit of the old "learn Siamese" skit:  "O-wha, tagu, Siam."  That was really hilarious when I was seven years old.

            1. Uninvited Writer profile image79
              Uninvited Writerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

              As I said, they did not add a laugh track, they showed the film to a live audience in a studio.

              If you had watched most of it you would have only seen one person...a kid...actually tell him his question was wrong...

              1. Aficionada profile image85
                Aficionadaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                Sorry about mislabeling the laughter.  It was a live audience watching a film or video of clips of interviews with Americans.  Did I get it right that time?

                I decided to force myself to sit through it all.  I'm not sure what the surprise is.  Kids do tend to speak up when adults won't; and most adults - the stupid ones and the intelligent ones both - generally realize that there is information about the world around them that may be different from previous knowledge or assumptions, and so some of them will listen first and research later. 

                But the most important thing is that the show was edited - all shows are.  Naturally a comedy (?) show in Canada will select the clips that are most likely to get a big laugh from a Canadian audience, whether a live one in the studio or one at home that may be prompted by a laugh track. 

                Did the people watching that genuinely believe that it is representative of American people?  If so, then those viewers' lack of awareness is equal to that of the people whose clips were edited to become part of the comedy show.

  10. profile image0
    4youreyesposted 11 years ago

    A picture speaks a thousand words. Good choice of pictures.

  11. Aficionada profile image85
    Aficionadaposted 11 years ago
  12. aware profile image65
    awareposted 11 years ago

    not enough

  13. Trish_M profile image79
    Trish_Mposted 11 years ago

    GCSEs are definitely English.
    Do they have them in America, too?

    1. wilderness profile image95
      wildernessposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      No.  Although I understand they are used in Greece whenever they have a particularly talented group coming through... lol

  14. jtyler profile image60
    jtylerposted 11 years ago

    Of course the quiz is a joke, but I wouldn't say that it's very far from reality.  However, that millionaire answer is simply stupid.  Good answers.

    1. Aficionada profile image85
      Aficionadaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I think she was thinking of "apparent" size of the moon - or whatever the correct term is in astronomy. (I don't remember 'cause it's too many years ago - or perhaps a deficiency of the American education system lol lol lol ?).

  15. profile image0
    Muldanianmanposted 11 years ago

    GCSE stands for General Certificate of Secondary Education and was introduced in UK schools in 1988 to replace the old 'O' Levels.  I remember because I was amongst one of the first generation to sit this examination.  Therefore, if these truly are answers from GCSE exams, then we can't really blame the Americans for them.  This has though been going around for years, and I think was originally created by the Daily Mail.

    1. Aficionada profile image85
      Aficionadaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      That's a very kind answer, Muldanianman!  I have my doubts that more than one or two were ever actual answers at all - anywhere.  I would guess, instead, that someone took a couple of real mistakes and added some things that they had heard on the street (in response to actual questions) and turned it into a joke intended to be at the expense of some education department.

  16. My Stories profile image58
    My Storiesposted 11 years ago

    I just had to laugh.  Those answers were so funny.  The educational system has some work on their hands.

  17. AxeBros profile image61
    AxeBrosposted 11 years ago

    People are stupid all over the world.  It just the stupid Americans have found ways to transmit their stupidity all over the world.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)