What the Hell are you Americans doing to your school system!?!?!

1. 63

   Greek Oneposted 11 years ago

   The following questions were set in last year's  GCSE   examination 
   
   These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............
   
   Q. Name the four seasons
   A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
   
   Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
   A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large  pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
   
   Q. How is dew formed
   A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
   
   Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
   A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
   
   Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
   A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
   
   Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
   A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
   
   Q. What are steroids
   A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs             
   
   Q.. What happens to your body as you age
   A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
   
   Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
   A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery               
   
   Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
   A. Premature death
   
   Q. What is artificial insemination
   A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
   
   Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
   A. Keep it in the cow                                               
   
   Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen)
   A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels:
   A,E,I,O,U..                                                               
   Q. What is the fibula?
   A. A small lie
   
   Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
   A. Nearby
   
   Q. What is the most common form of birth control
   A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium           
   
   Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
   A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
   
   Q. What is a seizure?
   A. A Roman Emperor.                             
   
   Q. What is a terminal illness
   A. When you are sick at the airport.                 
   
   Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
   A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
   
   Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
   A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.                     
   
   Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
   A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight   
   
   Q. What is a turbine?
   A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

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   1. 59

      Taylor P. J.posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I do believe many of those answers were meant to be just pranks, or is that too obvious

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      Ivorwenposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for the laugh! 
      
      At least they are creative when they can't think of the correct answer.  Better than leaving a blank. 

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2. 60

   recommend1posted 11 years ago

   Are you surprised in a country where around half of the schools teach that the world was created by a vicious egotitistical homophobic super being in a 6 day week 6000 years ago ??

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   1. 63

      Greek Oneposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      you mean Mel Gibson?

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3. 60

   lyndreposted 11 years ago

   
   
   Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
   A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.
   
   I have no chance of a mortgage in America then.

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4. 95

   wildernessposted 11 years ago

   I don't believe you.  You're lying.  These answers are from a 8 year old child graduating from the 2nd grade.
   
   Actually, though, you may be right after all.  Not being familiar with the term GCSE I googled it; it seems to be a test for secondary education in England, Scotland, Wales, Ireland and a few other British territories.  Perhaps it IS true!
   
   If these are typical answers from 16 year old children I would say the world has a definite problem, and one beyond anything I would have expected.
   
   If they are hand picked, scattered answers from a handful of graduates, they're funny as all get out.  Sad, but funny.

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5. 0

   klarawieckposted 11 years ago

   Where did you get this info from?
   
   I totally agree with the kid about the milk. That's actually pretty clever... "keep it in the cow"
   
   Sounds like a bunch of smart as$es answering the questions to get a laugh.

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6. 60

   KK Trainorposted 11 years ago

   That's just a joke email that's been going around for years. I've gotten it from many friends already. They are obviously just silly answers and if you think that the majority of the students in US schools are really that dumb then you're mistaken. Amazing that so many of us can put sentences together to respond to your question.

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7. 69

   Rosie2010posted 11 years ago

   lol so hilarious!!!  Thanks for the laugh, Greek One.  Still laughing...

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8. 85

   Aficionadaposted 11 years ago

   I also didn't have a clue as to what GCSE meant, until I read wilderness' post above. (Sort of makes you think maybe it isn't actually about American education, doesn't it?)
   
   As with the Nigerian e-mail scam, it doesn't take very long before the whole thing just doesn't ring true.
   
   It also reminds me of Jay Leno's "Man on the Street" interviews from years back.  They started out as humor about people who had misunderstood something, or who actually did not know something important; but as the bit became popular, the interviews became deliberately ridiculous.  The interviewees made stupid mistakes and statements just to be funny - and so they were not funny at all.  Like the examples in the e-mail above.

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9. 63

   Greek Oneposted 11 years ago

   My dear American friends, it seems some that of you may have taken offense where none was intended. 
   
   I would NEVER want to falsely imply that some Americans are not very bright, simply for the purpose of a joke.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

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      Uninvited Writerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Remember this?
      
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhTZ_tgMUdo

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      1. 85

         Aficionadaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

         
         
         Like Jay Leno.  Where did they get that laugh track?

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         1. 63

            Greek Oneposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            Canadian viewers

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            1. 85

               Aficionadaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

               Oh, I understood the viewers were from Canada. The track just sounded like they were laughing disproportionately - the way the Tonight Show audience might do.  Instead of heh-heh-ho-hum, it was like R ! O ! F ! L ! M ! F ! B ! O !.
               
               I think I've been giving Canadians way too much credit for classiness!   Good to be corrected on that score.

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               1. 63

                  Greek Oneposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                  it's OK.. everyone makes mistakes

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         2. 79

            Uninvited Writerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

            They showed it to a studio audience. So...no comment on the content?

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            1. 85

               Aficionadaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

               I don't mind commenting on the content, but I'll try to tone it down from my original reaction.
               
               Humor is a very individual thing and - as someone mentioned in a different thread - it's not a good idea to explain a joke.  I didn't watch the entire video, because it got really old, really fast - to me.  The impression I got was of someone (prior to recording) telling the person, "Say 'Congratulations, Canada, for _____'!" and then the person would comply on-camera and then they added the laugh-track.  It's probably the sort of thing that is funny if someone is in the right mood for it.  Maybe?  "Congratulations, Canada, for legalizing staplers."  Oh well.
               
               It did remind me a little bit of the old "learn Siamese" skit:  "O-wha, tagu, Siam."  That was really hilarious when I was seven years old.

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               1. 79

                  Uninvited Writerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                  As I said, they did not add a laugh track, they showed the film to a live audience in a studio.
                  
                  If you had watched most of it you would have only seen one person...a kid...actually tell him his question was wrong...

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                  1. 85

                     Aficionadaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

                     
                     Sorry about mislabeling the laughter.  It was a live audience watching a film or video of clips of interviews with Americans.  Did I get it right that time?
                     
                     I decided to force myself to sit through it all.  I'm not sure what the surprise is.  Kids do tend to speak up when adults won't; and most adults - the stupid ones and the intelligent ones both - generally realize that there is information about the world around them that may be different from previous knowledge or assumptions, and so some of them will listen first and research later. 
                     
                     But the most important thing is that the show was edited - all shows are.  Naturally a comedy (?) show in Canada will select the clips that are most likely to get a big laugh from a Canadian audience, whether a live one in the studio or one at home that may be prompted by a laugh track. 
                     
                     Did the people watching that genuinely believe that it is representative of American people?  If so, then those viewers' lack of awareness is equal to that of the people whose clips were edited to become part of the comedy show.

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    4youreyesposted 11 years ago

    A picture speaks a thousand words. Good choice of pictures.

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11. 85

    Aficionadaposted 11 years ago

    http://www.csmonitor.com/USA/2011/0322/ … 7-colonies

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12. 65

    awareposted 11 years ago

    not enough

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13. 79

    Trish_Mposted 11 years ago

    GCSEs are definitely English.
    Do they have them in America, too?

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       wildernessposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       No.  Although I understand they are used in Greece whenever they have a particularly talented group coming through...

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14. 60

    jtylerposted 11 years ago

    Of course the quiz is a joke, but I wouldn't say that it's very far from reality.  However, that millionaire answer is simply stupid.  Good answers.

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    1. 85

       Aficionadaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       
       
       I think she was thinking of "apparent" size of the moon - or whatever the correct term is in astronomy. (I don't remember 'cause it's too many years ago - or perhaps a deficiency of the American education system ?).

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    Muldanianmanposted 11 years ago

    GCSE stands for General Certificate of Secondary Education and was introduced in UK schools in 1988 to replace the old 'O' Levels.  I remember because I was amongst one of the first generation to sit this examination.  Therefore, if these truly are answers from GCSE exams, then we can't really blame the Americans for them.  This has though been going around for years, and I think was originally created by the Daily Mail.

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       Aficionadaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       
       
       That's a very kind answer, Muldanianman!  I have my doubts that more than one or two were ever actual answers at all - anywhere.  I would guess, instead, that someone took a couple of real mistakes and added some things that they had heard on the street (in response to actual questions) and turned it into a joke intended to be at the expense of some education department.

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16. 58

    My Storiesposted 11 years ago

    I just had to laugh.  Those answers were so funny.  The educational system has some work on their hands.

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17. 61

    AxeBrosposted 11 years ago

    People are stupid all over the world.  It just the stupid Americans have found ways to transmit their stupidity all over the world.

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