Today she had told me everything that's been kept in silence all along. This whole year in the past acts as the background noise that I hear inside.
Not everything that has happened was seen eye to eye. She says that she suffered and only did things that I wanted to. I had no idea, because I only wanted to make her happy. The things that we did were for her entertainment and me, I just tried to keep her happy with me.
Now this is all flipping over and she is telling me since the day that we've met, this has been a regret. This last year such a waste, her words sting deep in my chest.
My eyes can see blurry everything that's around, nothing is clear and my mind the same way. Tears are not even flowing, though I feel a bitter swelling of my eye lids.
What had happened to every night we stayed up, to reassuring words of finding true love for our selves.
Instead she writes now that she knows we are over and it's her life to do what she wants. Telling me I cannot control her any longer, though I never recall such a thing. Asking myself the question if I really am the person she says.
Every story has two sides, every love a beginning and end, never thought I would live to see this one come to an end. As poetic as the crisp winter breeze, the beginnings and ending seem to mash into one long struggle.
Learning more about one another seems to push us further away. The words she proclaims cut deeper than a sharpened, two edged sword, now I know why some men choose to cut short their own life. Bearing this sort of pain, everything you relied on simply walking away. It's surreal, the torture of mourning such loss of the one you gave your heart to.
When I gave my heart away, never did I dream it would end this way. Taking an arrow to the knee, then stomping out what's left of me. Telling one their relationship of one year has been the deepest regret when you gave them your heart, does not get worse than this.
About this burning pain I could go on and on. However to heal these wounds, it would take more than words and time combined. Repeating inside every word of betrayal, the fresh wounds just seem to be stretching.
I suppose that we all must learn the lessons of "love " by experiencing it in all phases of our lives my friend. But I can only say this .....If it ends now ,so be it . Tomorrow ! and Tomorrow ! Are new days . Perhaps what you had isn't really what you want anyway , Loves , yearnings , hormones ! Such are the games and the camelion like forms of "love ". Be patient ! Love and maybe even 'true ' love awaits.
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