13 years ago I dated a girl while I was in high school. We hit it off GREAT, but she had a boyfriend and decided to stay with him, high school romance blah blah blah. Back in February of this year I got a message from her on Facebook. We totally hit it off online, messaging etc. Matter of face the first day we "found" each other I rented a car and drove 3 hours to see her. There at her place sparks flew yadda yadda.
A quick back story on the girl. In the 13 years its been since we last talked. She has dated a few men and finally got married 7 years ago. She had been abused and cheated on the majority of her marriage and even relationship to the "man". She finally left him October of last year (2009) and moved out on her own etc. She basically was the "man"s live in booty call, while she was jaded the whole time thinking she was married and making a marriage work etc (at least this is how i view it with the information given to me). Back in junior high she was molested, high school, raped. Ok so there's some hardcore baggage, i get it. I still love her regardless.
So we started dating. I'd drive up, or she would drive down for a couple days at a time etc. we did this from late February till her lease was up at her apartment at the end of May. Then I had the brilliant idea for her to move down and move in with me. I mean sparks are flying, love is in the air, everything is like old times. I finally found someone that likes me for me and I have nothing but love for her.
i started getting a odd feeling that something wasn't right. i confronted her about it and we had a discussion. she told me everything was fine and I had nothing to worry about. Now this whole time I've told her that I am not really that comfortable with the frequent facebook usage. To me, I dunno, I just dont NEED to tell people what I'm up to 24/7. But she played it off that she uses it to stay in contact with her family which is true, her WHOLE family is on there. So I let it go.
Shortly after I bought us new cell phones. She left hers at home and left for a couple hours the other day and I just couldn't stand it anymore. I went through her phone and being a internet phone she had been logged into her Facebook which I now accessed. She had been talking to her ex-husbands babys momma about how since she has moved in that it wasn't the same, the "spark" was fading etc but she didn't have money to move out on her own. Then the killer. A message to a guy that she dated in junior high. Apparently they have been texting each other but i found out the details on there. She was telling him how thrilling it was that they both had feelings for each other still...and she was going as far as to tell him she loved him still as well.....the real kicker was that hes married with two kids.
Not being one to beat about the bush I called her and said we need to talk. She had a concern in her voice, one like she got caught more so. Came home, I told her I don't appreciate being lied to etc. And i told her to pack up and leave.
As she was moving out her stuff she was apologizing for "messing up everything" repeatedly. I have hopes that through some time that maybe we can start dating again. But I have a feeling that since this is twice now that I'm going to hold the "facebook feeling" in the back of my head. Even worse so I have this feeling that that website is going to be a constant issue for me in the future regardless.
I like this girl. I like her A LOT. I've never been one for kids, but she has made me rethink my position as a possibility. Everything just seems to click with her. It does suck as I have ZERO control of this situation. It's 100% on her and I think that's what bugs me the most. A loss of control of emotions and situations sucks. But again I do know that she did this, not me.
It has been a over a month now since this all happened. We had preplanned a trip that we ended up going on anyways. While we were gone it was like we were a perfect couple again, no drama, love it was awesome. As soon as we arrived home it was right back to confusion and drama. Finally it got to a point that I was feeling like I was her "physical release" as she isn't doing anything with the married guy so she would come over and do stuff with me. So I ended up telling her that I cant talk to her anymore, even as just friends, it just hurts to much and I don't like being the backup.
Agh, i hate Facebook, this never would have happened. I could have gone the rest of my life not having had to deal with any of this.
Please don't hate Facebook. It has nothing to do with it. It could have happened with or without Facebook. You happened to fall in love with a person who was not able to appreciate you. Don't give up! You'll meet a girl who will love and appreciate you. I regret your pain but you'll be okay because you're a good person. Always remember: the good always wins in the end. Really!
I hate facebook too - I was banned from it as I was adding friends aggresively - thought I would use it as a marketing tool so it was my fault I was banned -- but why I hate facebook is after I was booted - in fact a year after - I received an email from facebook inviting me to join..... low and behold the account I had closed was on the invitation as I may be someone I know.
Your reason for hating facebook is more a relationship thing than a site thing however I know of other people who have had the same happen to them too.
Good luck in finding someone who loves you at the same level of love that you love them.
These are the pros and cons of new ways of communicating. If you hate facebook not use it!
i agree to fucsia. things can get a little unhandy on facebook
I don't see how one can blame facebook for what happened? Its just that you need to make sure you don't trust people that easily.
You can't blame facebook for what happened. It allowed her to communicate with someone else and obviously go as far as emotionally cheating on you but she could have done that by phone, email or in person.
No matter what form it took, it's about the way she acts not program she uses to do it.
Keep away from her, sounds bad for you.
You are incharge of yourself not facebook , not another person. These problems can happen anywhere any how. You need to take stock of yourself, blaming shifts responsibility and does not allow you to change certain qualities in you. If you need to be strong you need to work on your decision making process and handling your emotion. THis is being said in good faith, please do look at ways of helping yourself.
I have an awful lot of sympathy for you. It is a shame that people are so dishonest, and use other peoples emotions in there games.
Do you find it difficult to meet up with people face to face. Facebook is like everyghing else, it has it's advantages and disadvantages. It probablty makes it easier to hurt, as people seem to find it easy getting themselves emotionally entagled, with people from the past.
When my mum was dying, i contacted a few school friends, i was right back there, it was as if we were at school again together, and i could talk freely to them. However i realise, it was something i needed to do at the time, fortunately did not have a romance, just caught up on lots of old friends.....
Don't let people hurt you so much, believe in yourself, lift your head up, and keep away from facebook, if it does not make you happy.
THIS is why I'm single! Sorry about all that, but your sure better off without her. I feel the same way about facebook.
It actually hurts people dating if they both belong to each others facebook and they have lots of friends. Your always wondering what they are saying about you, what their friends say about you, who is that guy, etc,,,,,,
The next girl I date I'm telling her I do NOT want to be on her facebook nor will I go see her facebook.
Too much gossip and misunderstandings can happen on that thing. I never go on mine anyway, should close it. Better luck next time.
I agree with the people on here who've said that your girlfriend has "issues" regardless of Facebook. So yes, Facebook per se isn't to blame for the situation you're in.
I opened a Facebook account briefly a while back, but deactivated it a couple of weeks later. I just don't like the "visibility" of it. I have an "old school" attitude to the Internet; I would rather go by a pseudonym and have my cat's pic as an avatar, than give my real name and photo and show who my IRL friends/acquaintances are and post every thought and event in my life online in a stream-of-consciousness outpouring of verbal diarrhoea.
I regard Facebook, Twitter and other social networking sites as the attempt by the majority to impose its "norms" on the minority. My reaction (and it's irrational, I know ) is to stamp my foot and go "Hands off, we were using the Internet long before you. It's OUR territory, so BACK OFF!"
Might write a hub about this, actually...
Yes you could have gone your whole life without having to deal with any of this.. but is that TRUELY what you would have wanted? Sometime I don't think we see the joy in getting to deal with something as opposed to not dealing with anything.
Interesting "learn not to trust so easily"? that's a interesting way of putting it. Don't people deserve to be trusted right away until a situation shows otherwise?
To all those that are "anti-facebook" I'm glad I am not alone. I to don't see the point in telling the world what/who/where/how I'm doing at all times.
Cordale: I kind of understand what you are saying. I did search for this girl (google) many times over the years but did not know she had been married. It was a great few months and I guess that is all the time we were meant to have together.
Yep, what goes around comes around.
If somebody is willing to cheat with you behind their partners back, then you can be pretty sure that they'll be willing to do the same to you in time.
It's more about human nature, than the nature of Facebook, isn't it?
If a person is willing to cheat and it was a one-time mistake, then hopefully it can be worked out. If a person just wanders from encounter to encounter, then there's no reason to weep about the loss. They were never yours to begin with. Be glad they moved on quickly. They are getting their own karma.
I too hate facebook, but this case is not Facebook's fault. thats like saying its Beer's fault I drink too much.
Sorry you had to go thru that, I hope things work out for you.
I hate facebook too, but because of privacy reasons, Here you decided to get involved with someone who you had in the past attempted something but it didn't work out. You had to know that it was a possibility she would be that way again.
Sorry you are hurt, hope you find a true love, preferrably you should meet someone who is not into computer or cell phone texting. Neither me or my husband do and I think that keeps a lot of doubt out of the relationship.
thanks doormat lol, sorry that name is kinda humorus but I get its meaning.
Yes diane I totally agree. This digital age is great for some things but terrible for others. I didn't really see it as a possibility of happening again though as it was so long ago. I had a "if you love something set it free" view about it. Well I guess that view was quite distorted.
Yes LAS I totally agree. But you know as well I do that something else will show up in its place. I can't stand how every site you go to has a way to link something to facebook. I hope it plays itself out as a old fad soon.
You have been hurt but as far as I can tell, you have made good sound decisions, too. Do not blame Facebook. She is confused, carrying heavy baggage and sounds like she may even like being used and lied to. Stay away from her. You will surely find someone better in time. (Don't even wish about her, she will not change. The drama will increase.) Good luck. Oh, you should write a fictional hub about this. Your lead in was almost too long for this space.
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I hate Facebook too. It's become a shield for people to get at you or bully you because they're not brave enough to speak to you face to face. I detest it.
yes yes, this is true.
ive heard so many different opinions of it as of late. its almost a medium that life is judged on. how many friends, what pictures are acceptable and what is not. who you connect with. what groups you are part of.
its another outlet for people not to communicate with each other face to face or even speak via the phone by.
as i said before, i hope its a passing fad thats about to run its course.
I love facebook, I don't know why people talks too much about it's privacy. Who is stopping you to keep your information private?
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