Daily Weird #40 A Toilet You Can Live On!

I want a toilet. An awesome toilet; one that is not built just to sit in my bathroom and wait to be used. I want a toilet that I can have in the living room, in my bedroom, or even in the corner nook in my kitchen. It has to be a toilet that won’t draw ridicule or tittering. It has to be bold, beautiful, entertaining- a conversation piece.

I want the new toilet from Kohler. The Numi. The name really says it all. With the Numi, I would feel like a new me! I could walk up to the toilet and it would know what I wanted before I spoke a word. The sensors in Numi would open up the lid and beckon me to sit and experience a world I have never known.

Once I sit on this bold new masterpiece and load it up with what my body chose not to use from my lunch, I can reach down, adjust the wand on the bidet, plug in my MP3 player and fantasize that I’m Queen of the Toilets. I would be on my porcelain throne, and I would dare anyone to try and overthrow me!

When it got dark, I wouldn’t care. I would just read my “How to Rule From Your Home Throne” book by the illuminated side panels.

There would be no chafing as the bidet wand also has a drying function. I wonder if it has an infinite loop setting. Spray, dry, spray, dry…. it would be like a day spa for my derrière!

With the Numi, I wouldn’t have to concern myself with needing to run from the toxic waste smell I sometimes exude… nope, this baby comes with a deodorizer. A charcoal deodorizer. That means I’m putting a miner to work every time I use the bathroom. I’ll be helping the economy on a global scale. I feel awesome about myself already!

I can also feel good about how I’ll be helping the environment. This beauty has a low-flow flush for those times when a little is all you have to contribute, and a full-on power flush for times when you’re contributing more than you might wish to discuss. I believe there’s even a crew of miniature sailors who help rid the Numi of unwanted undiscussables.

If you think winter and it’s chilliness will get me off of my throne, think again! There’s one heater to warm my seat, and one heater to warm my feet.

I know once I get this bad boy, I’m sitting down and never getting up. Of course, I don’t want to spend my life in my bathroom. Thanks to the awesome design of the Numi, I can live on the throne, but not in the bathroom! The Numi looks somewhat like a huge copier. This means I can place it in my home as I see fit. If anyone asks why I’m sitting on a toilet in my kitchen, I can tell them I’m not using the toilet (gross) I’m just doing a bit of butt copying. Everyone understands the need for copying your bum.

I have it all figured out. Now I just have to wait until this fall when Kohler starts selling the Numi… well, that, and I have to come up with $6,390.00. Does anyone want to donate to my throne? It’s a completely worthy cause.