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Joe Explains the Technical Aspects of Getting Rich on the Internet

Updated on June 3, 2010

Hello Everyone

It's me again. My name is Joe, although since I became An Internet Millionaire I prefer to be called Joseph. Joseph is more sophisticated. When I go to a restaurant I give the maƮtre d' a $100 dollar bill and say "My name is Joseph. I am an Internet Millionaire." I always get a good table. This works great at Applebee's.

If you don't know who I am, you might want to read this, this, and this. Now you know who I am.


I am writing to you today in order to explain the technical aspects of Getting Rich On The Internet. Every day someone asks me how to Make Money Online. I can't stand in line at the bank to cash my $200,000 monthly checks from Google without a regular person interrupting me to ask for Free Advice About Earning Money By Working As Little As One Hour A Week. Don't get me wrong; I enjoy talking to people most of the time, but once in a while it would be nice to just get in my extremely expensive Mercedes and drive home to my huge mansion without being stopped by someone who wants Free and Easy Steps to Unbelievable Internet Wealth.

Just one time I wish I could walk into Tiffany & Co. and not have to explain myself.

Getting Rich Online is Technically Simple

My system is technically simple. My wife even understands it. I have helped thousands of normal people build Quick Internet Riches by Working From Home in Their Spare Time.

Let's Get Started on the Road to Unimaginable Internet Wealth

Are you ready? I hope so.


Let's talk about backlinks. Some Internet Rich People will tell you that longtail backlinks derive organically from high visibility social networking domains. On the other hand, my system relies on leveraging the Page Rank (PR) gradient rather than assuming double-ended linkbacks. My strategy limits the downside risk by filtering the outliers.

So far so good. Now, let's discuss affiliate configurations. It's always a good idea to build deep and wide structures. Never ignore the bifurcation opportunities present in dormant affiliate legs. Train your Internet Millionaire trainees to be prospecting 24 hours a day. Show them the secrets of logarithmic marketing extensions as soon as they master the basic concepts.

Every one of us Internet Millionaires has dealt with an affiliate who actually tried to recruit candidates using an outdated system such as "High Income Frankenheimer Cross-Posting Solicitation" or "Synergistic FaceBook Blogging Matrix Manipulation." Be patient with these folks! They may be a little overenthusiastic, but we all lived on Ramen noodles at some point in our lives.

Are you with me?

If you've read this far, I truly admire your tenacity. You will achieve Internet Fame and Fortune in short order. I look forward to having you move in to the really big mansion next door to me. The view from the veranda is stunningly terrific.


My staff and I closely monitor affiliate downleg recursions. I have actually assigned an intern to track the inverse enrollment ratios in what we Internet Millionaires call "real-time". I use this information to carefully calibrate my keyword calibration as I lounge in the jacuzzi sipping drinks with umbrellas.

Be aware of feedback considerations involving keyword clustering. We use a combination of eigenvectors, partial differential equations, and 9 digit zip-codes to detect and predict potentially costly data traps. Of course, all of this can be accomplished while sitting next to the in-ground pool.

Use the the Google keyword analysis tool at the top of every hour. This tool amplifies vectoring sinkholes, identifies potential high income transients, and it's free.

Some members of my staff dedicate their time studying high energy flares in pop culture SEO structures. We carefully correlate the Fourier Transforms of search patterns against multi-dimensional fractal methodology. Our analysis generates millions of potentially high quality hits per day, which results in a lot of Internet Riches.


I am telling you this because I want us all to be rich. Somewhere on the Internet is a Fortune Just Waiting to be downloaded by you. As for me, I have an intern download it while I practice cannonballs off the diving board.

Good luck with your Fantastic Internet Income. I know I will.


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    • profile image

      Rich Dude 7 years ago

      I want your plan.

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 8 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @Sally's Trove: Thank you for your kind words. My system is indeed free, but it does require study, patience, hard work, and consistency. That eliminates most Internet Millionaire Dreamer people.

    • Sally's Trove profile image

      Sherri 8 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

      I do think your system is a lot easier to navigate than most, and it's FREE! Now I think I'll spend an hour kicking off your system and then spend the rest of the day planning my new mansion and pool while I watch the bucks roll in. What a relief to have met such a guru! Thanks for the morning chuckle.

    • dabeaner profile image

      dabeaner 8 years ago from Nibiru

      Oh, the Mahalanobis distance. I didn't realize that's so important; maybe that's my problem. You should definitely do a Hub on that if you REALLY care about us getting rich.

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 8 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @Jenna May Swan: This information is available for a limited time only. Act now. Operators are standing by.

    • Jenna May Swan profile image

      Jenna May Swan 8 years ago

      Cool, so glad you gave us sooo much free info so we can get rich quick online. Usually I have to pay $,000s for such easy to understand, fully expalantory gobbledeegoook...


    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 8 years ago from Ohio, USA I understand. Getting Rich On The Internet is not for everyone. The world needs telekinetic canines as well.

    • profile image 8 years ago

      Thanks for wanting me to be rich. I don't want to seem ungrateful but I've read this over and over and I still can't understand what I'm supposed to do.

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 8 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @dabeaner: We use the Mahalanobis distance.

    • dabeaner profile image

      dabeaner 8 years ago from Nibiru

      Are you buddies with the Rich Jerk Plumber? I think I am on both your lists. How about sending me a few thou$and to show YOUR good faith? I'll pay you back out of my improved earnings. I think your analysis here will allow me to easily increase my AdSense income from $5.00 a month to a bazillion times as much.

      BTW, when you filter the outliers, do you use one standard deviation or two?

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 8 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @drbj: Backatcha

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 8 years ago from south Florida

      Thank you, nicomp, for this extremely comprehensive, artless, simplistic and uncomplicated treatise on achieving internet wealth. Did I mention easy-to-understand?

      It is such a pleasure to encounter an internet millionaire? billionaire? who is not reticent, silent nor taciturn when revealing his magical, money-making methods.


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