The Alice Chronicles: Diary of a Drug Addicted Mother

The following story may contain one or more of the following:

Mature Theme .............................................................Language May Offend

Coarse Language ........................................................Crude Content

Sexual Content ............................................................Violence

Disturbing Content .......................................................Substance Abuse

The Alice Chronicles is based on a mother with a drug addiction and her perspective on life. She shares her views and experiences through daily entries in her diary that tells the story of her lifelong drug consumption. She shares her experiences & the problems that accompany it, through daily entries in a diary.

I wrote this due to my own circumstances and based the title on the book “Go Ask Alice” written by Anonymous & published in the 70's. This is my unofficial sequel to the Alice books main character's mind-altering journey. That is if she had lived to tell about it.

It is a constant work in progress that will expand as the entries get added.

Many years ago, my mother told me that when she went into labor with me in May of 1966, she was at a cocktail party. As she described it, she was, “At a Vodka Party.” I remember that day. I was fifteen years old.

She sat down on my bed one afternoon, when I got home from school and told me this, only after she had found my four foot bong, and big sack of weed. I always kept them stashed nicely in the back of my closet. I think back now, and finally understand the implications of that one sentence that I have carried with me now for over the last thirty years.

I never once in my life realized the seriousness of those four words…..” At a vodka party,” because at the time I laughed it off. I thought that it was a pretty cool place to be when I was born. Growing up in the 70’s and 80’s my goal was to outdo the pansy partiers of the 60’s era. So, for the next decade or so, my opening line at kegger parties, was that I could hold my own. After all, “I was born drunk!"

In retrospect, instead of being so matter of fact about it, I now wonder if perhaps my mother should have tried harder to communicate with me that day in 1981. She should have grabbed me and shook me, beaten me to a pulp in efforts to get me to really listen & understand her message.

In retrospect I now realize that she did everything in her power to stop me from believing that drugs were cool, or that partying was perfectly acceptable. She told me that drugs and alcohol abuse was prevalent in my genes.

She explained that addiction was a disease that ran with an uncontrollable force throughout my ancestry on both sides of the family.

What I did not hear that day was that addiction was habitual and that it would affect me for generations to come. It will affect me, and any possible offspring. Addiction has and always will run rampant throughout my family’s veins for decades unless I teach my children otherwise.

“At a Vodka Party.” I never realized what those four words meant and what impact they would have on me now, thirty years later.

Since the age of 15

From a fifteen-year-old's perspective, this one sentence confirmed everything in my world. Drinking alcohol and doing drugs was just about the coolest thing on this planet. I had it made if my parents, all three of my older siblings, and my ancestors partied. It was my destiny to master the art of partying like a rock star. And so from that day forward I worked diligently at doing just that. I became something of a drug connoisseur; mind you, a mixologist of mind-altering chemicals.

By eighteen I had used at least once:

Cigarettes, Alcohol, Marijuana, Cocaine, Psychedelic Mushrooms, Acid (LSD),

PCP, Angel Dust, Quaaludes, Speed, Methamphetamines, MDA,

Nitrous, GHB, Ecstasy, Uppers, and Downers, Valium, Cross Tops,

Vicodin, & Somas .

................I used every single drug that was available to man…and to me.

...That is, I used every single drug that was available, except for one. My, more-experienced, older siblings taught me to stick with one simple unwritten drug rule.

"Don't ever do heroin, not even a little taste."

Since I was such a good student, I adhered to this cardinal rule of doing drugs. There were no other rules in my drug use, except for the one. Everything that I learned about drugs, consuming them, using them, and partying with them, I knew that this was non-negotiable. It was the one and only straightforward, all-important Golden Rule. This cardinal of rules was simple and this rule was never to be broken.

Under no circumstances, ever, was I ever, ever to consume the most evil of all drugs. I was taught from that early age that one drug had the ability to take a hold of me and it could eat me from the inside out.

It had the capability of taking grip of me, and turning me into its puppet on strings and that if I were to ingest it, that it would be my Geppetto and I in turn, would be its Pinocchio. It could potentially teach me to obey it, and answer to only it. And that if I was to taste it, in response, I would eagerly succumb to its irresistible grip and I would dance for it, at its command. If I were to ever just try a little tiny bit of it, I would irrevocably, not only lose my material possessions, my dignity, and my family and friends.

If I were ever to ingest this all-powerful drug, it would in response, and without any negotiation, argument or disregard in an instant snap my life away and that I would simply cease to exist.

And since I was never ready to be buried, and I always wanted to see what was going to happen next, I followed that rule.

As a young child, I loved to read, and for entertainment, I frequented our local public library quite often. I must have been eleven years old when I discovered the book, “Go Ask Alice” written by Anonymous. I checked it out of the library and gobbled up every word with my hungry appetite for information. From that day, forward it turned into my guide on drug use, a sort of bible for me, mind you, and I was never without a copy of it throughout my entire life and even through present day.

The character in the ‘Alice’ book had nothing on me. I would even joke throughout my life, that I was “Alice” if she had lived. I boasted that one day I would write the sequel to Alice’s mind-altering journey. I would write it from her (Alice) perspective as an adult, who actually lived through the experience of lifelong drug consumption. Never did I have even the slightest clue or inkling of how true that idea of mine was, or that my destiny was to do precisely that. I figured that the world needed to know how the girl in the Alice books journey might have turned out if indeed, she had made it through decades of ‘partying’. I always knew how to write down my better-than fiction journey; however, my dilemma remained on how the story would end. I had come up with several variations on the final chapters of Adult Alice’s fate. However, none of my decades of experience with drug use, prepared me for, was“the twist” in my Alice Chronicles.

Nothing on this planet ever prepared me for yesterday. Not those four words that were told to me thirty years ago by my loving mother, not all my knowledge and experience in the experimentation of alcohol, hallucinogenic, pills, organic mind altering drugs, and chemically produced drugs, prepared me for what information I learned yesterday. With all the experience, I have under my belt, in consuming mind-altering drugs, living with chemical dependency, and balancing my drug habits with giving the appearance of a leading a fully functional family and business life, I just did not see this one coming....

My child came to me and entrusted me to tell me that he was hooked on heroin and he needed help.