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'If The Hat Fits!': Aggressive Man Has Been Swallowed Live By Tree In Body Corporate Park After Birds Revolt: Hope Poem.

Updated on November 11, 2011
And trees are full of Free Firewood say the Limp Lily Park Manager - John Fallingup aka 'Gravity'
And trees are full of Free Firewood say the Limp Lily Park Manager - John Fallingup aka 'Gravity'
The Poor Birds have no home anymore.  Rain, hail or moonlight, they are left with only power lines to roost on!  Thanks a lot Body Corpor8!!
The Poor Birds have no home anymore. Rain, hail or moonlight, they are left with only power lines to roost on! Thanks a lot Body Corpor8!!
Look at the warmth of these trees that were victims of idiots and felled (bird nests, chicks and all) for the sake of a whimsical notion that it would stop sparrows from farting at daybreak!
Look at the warmth of these trees that were victims of idiots and felled (bird nests, chicks and all) for the sake of a whimsical notion that it would stop sparrows from farting at daybreak!

If The Hat Fits, A Tree Won't.

'If The Hat Fits': A Poem of Hope: About Trees, A Body Corporate, Firewood, Birds and Bees and Empty Vessels; by Pearldiver. All reporting is credited to Tom the Cat; successful Freelance Roaming Reporter and International Scam Buster on assignment for both: The BumbleTown Anti BS From Movers, Shakers and Dung Beetles Society and also the: What Really Happened to the Pizzaman After They Stole His Equipment Foundation. Yes, what indeed! (But that's yet another story!) (soon).

This factual, heart wrenching report, confirms that injustice and corruption exists in places and within groups, that should never in a million years, have had the ability to exist or to get through a standard spam filter. In the same vein as Tom the Cat’s other controversial reports; If the Hat Fits, delivers a powerful message to those little pockets of ‘power’ in and around many communities, in one form or another. In this case we are looking at a Body Corporate in the backwater town of BumbleTown - NZ. However, the details within this report may well serve as a warning to normal communities, of what can happen when abnormal personalities are given the power to abuse the rights of those less knowledgeable of Body Corpor8 'rules' or power plays! If you consider and visualize the analogy of Dung Beetles fighting to the death over the ownership of the most desirable piece of BS or dung; then you will have the correct context.

The Well-Practiced Cat Nappers and Tree Fellas of the Body Corpor8, have taken it upon themselves to heavily retard the local environmental, in line with their own IQ levels, to provide easier access to their favorite nosy vantage points. Basically, the Body Corpor8 Committee of the Limp Lily Retirement Park, decided that the trees 'Had To Go' after it was found that in Autumn, strangely, they drop their leaves! Without any consideration to the local birds, cats or other residents who opposed such moves, the Body Corpor8 justified their actions by claiming that the previous park manager had been indecently insulted, not only by some of the residents, but also by a male tree! That's right... A Tree (That Very Touching Photo is Below). When tackled over the matter by Tom, the current park manager; John Fallingup, or 'Gravity' for short, dusted himself off and denied that either he, Thickasa Plank, Deafasa Post, or the previous Limp Lily manager, had put the tree up to it!

So yes, this poem of hope is for the victims of the thoughtless, selfish actions of the members of this Body Corpor8, who cut down trees, bullied others into accepting their self serving ways, kidnapped cats and destroyed the homes of the hundreds of birds who were forcibly evicted, against their wills. The shameful actions of this Body Corpor8, clearly demonstrate what happens when fools follow bigger fools, who believe that they are justified in believing that the power of life and death rests firmly in their hands, a chainsaw and the enforcement abilities of a man from the Limp Lily Retirement Park Body Corpor8 committee! While the author doubts anyone from the Limp Lily Retirement Park would actually own up to these events, it must be said that if any resemblance in character is seen in any respect; then: If the Hat Fits - Wear It! Last word comes from the birds; "As birds, we will save our best words for Sparrow's Fart! Were you planning on hanging your washing out today?"

© Copyright 2010 Pearldiver @ If The Hat Fits.com with all rights reserved.

The previous park 'manager' is seen here just minutes before he was 'indecently insulted' by a male tree here in the park!  The birds that witnessed the event actually photographed it. They called the photo (below): Treeroots-man!
The previous park 'manager' is seen here just minutes before he was 'indecently insulted' by a male tree here in the park! The birds that witnessed the event actually photographed it. They called the photo (below): Treeroots-man!
Revenge seems to be on every bird's mind!
Revenge seems to be on every bird's mind!
The New Body Corpor8 Anti-Bird Bonking Signs! It's worse for the bees though... all flowers are also being removed! Amazing!
The New Body Corpor8 Anti-Bird Bonking Signs! It's worse for the bees though... all flowers are also being removed! Amazing!
The Body Corpor8 justified their aggressive 'pruning' of the trees with this picture, in which they claimed that the previous park manager had been 'swallowed' by a tree!  But Tom said it shows a man with his nose in a tree's business Not it's Mouth!
The Body Corpor8 justified their aggressive 'pruning' of the trees with this picture, in which they claimed that the previous park manager had been 'swallowed' by a tree! But Tom said it shows a man with his nose in a tree's business Not it's Mouth!

If The Hat Fits.

HEY You! HEY!

You’re not allowed to sing here all day

HEY BIRD Hey… You!

What are you doing, pooing in that tree?

I’m the boss of the Body Corpor8

How dare bloody birds argue back at me!


So, he told the wife

And many brainless others

There are bloody birds bonking…

Bonking! In my trees!

How dare those dirty buggers

Enjoy pleasure in their lives!

How dare they enjoy happiness!

Enjoy themselves: With bees!!!!


So the man from the Body Corpor8

Deafasa Post, an ex farmer, I believe

Enlisted the help of the one called Thickasa Plank

To cut down the best, healthiest trees

Now birds are homeless and sadness fills tiny hearts

Barren, dusty sections, devoid of vital greenery

Sunburned, wailing cats howl for the missing trees

How dumb are some; when it comes to scenery

We actually poo in your vegie garden... Remember.. You are what you eat... said Tom.
We actually poo in your vegie garden... Remember.. You are what you eat... said Tom.
But cars were made for Bonking.... said Tom...
But cars were made for Bonking.... said Tom...
When I asked Tom about these two exhibitionists, he told me that these were a prize for the Body Corpor8's I'm Dreaming of Christmas Carols (or was it Marys?) Competition.  Apparently there was a lot of envy for last year's Holders of the Prizes!
When I asked Tom about these two exhibitionists, he told me that these were a prize for the Body Corpor8's I'm Dreaming of Christmas Carols (or was it Marys?) Competition. Apparently there was a lot of envy for last year's Holders of the Prizes!

HEY! You… Hey!

You’re not allowed to dig up all that dirt!

HEY CAT Hey…. You!

How dare you poo where the trees used to be!

I’m the hero of the Body Corpor8

How dare you hide it in piles, hoping I won’t see!


HEY! You… Hey!

Look at all the damage your tires have done!

HEY CAR Hey…. You!

How dare you bonk there in the open, or on the grass!

I’m the manager of the Body Corpor8

I have the power to kick your arse!


Yep, Thickasa Plank and Deafasa Post

Make an awesome maintenance team

Even get paid from the rates of their victims

Such idle, empty vessels, creating their living dream!

In early morning silence, now a lawn mower sounds,

Who cares about night-shift; now that the birds don’t fart!

Rants Deafasa Post to Thickasa Plank; my life is so fool

The Body Corpor8 fills my days, with power and a cart!

Busy Bodies are addicted to lurking! Anywhere!
Busy Bodies are addicted to lurking! Anywhere!
Tom told me that this person was a Body Corpor8 Busy Body, caught Spying while pretending to be a butterfly!  "How did you know Tom?" I asked. He told me that it was easy to spot the fool as everyone knows butterflies have bigger willies!
Tom told me that this person was a Body Corpor8 Busy Body, caught Spying while pretending to be a butterfly! "How did you know Tom?" I asked. He told me that it was easy to spot the fool as everyone knows butterflies have bigger willies!
Well..... If the Hat Fits!
Well..... If the Hat Fits!

They seem to always attract power hungry types

Body Corpor8s, little clicks and two sets of rules

In the petty world; where often corruption thrives

Foolish committees, seem to employ, many fools

So if you find a nosy, uninvited intruder there

Snow dropping, eavesdropping, or yelling at your cat

Or peering through your windows, or even worse

Remember that it’s your place, if they justify the act


As for the trees; well trees are full of free firewood

Though you’ll be told, that their roots clog his drain

And they do so much damage, dropping golden leaves

Vested interests in birdlessness; that really are insane

The ignorance and the blatant arrogance seen

Walking powerfully, taking notes and a plum or two

Empty, Idle vessels, showing their true worth.... I mean

Isn’t your life over; when you can't justify, the things you do?


- Fac ut Vivas -

© Copyright 2010 Pearldiver @ Poems of Hope.com with all rights reserved.

But... Get Back To Work Tom!

No time to rest Tom.... there's a wall to build in BumbleTown.. and you get to interview the Movers and Shakers.... and tell the true facts behind the $70000 that the Credit Union gave to the Arab Guy, on the run from the Immigration Service. Ummm.
No time to rest Tom.... there's a wall to build in BumbleTown.. and you get to interview the Movers and Shakers.... and tell the true facts behind the $70000 that the Credit Union gave to the Arab Guy, on the run from the Immigration Service. Ummm.

Thanks for that Tom the Cat.

For all those Normal Body Corporate Groups throughout; never forget how much having established trees within the grounds, improves the overall values of the properties and the property owner's lifestyles! Good management techniques, also ensure that the privacy of the individual property owners, is never compromised by a policy that endorses snooping, abusing or intentional loss of tenant owner's right to quite enjoyment of their respective properties! If any Body Coror8 member is offended by such advice as is contained within; they should consult legal representation forthwith and desist from antagonizing creatures like birds, that have the almost uncanny ability to poop on ya when ya least expect it, eh? Thanks for following the exploits of Tom the Cat... Roaming Reporter and a Straight Shooter!

A Famous Quote for those who don't age so gracefully:

"You know when you're over the hill... When your mind makes a promise, that your body can't fill!!!"  - Lowell George (Little Feat).

© Copyright 2010 Pearldiver @ If The Hat Fits.com with all rights reserved.

This Poem of Hope was Sponsored by This Message: Get A Life!

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    • Candie V profile image

      Candie V 6 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Oy! PD.. you have topped yourself yet again! I didn't know whether to laugh or shake my head. Hard to do both... until I saw the candles. Are you sure they are singing? Looks like they're trying to see if they can eat the candles - or some such activity there abouts.. Hmmm... odd. Anyhoo... love the tree of shame (per the Body Corpor8) And of bonking birds? If I was a Mrs. Post or Mrs. Plank I'd be packing and moving in with my parents post haste (don'cha'know)!

      PS.. should a butterful of such magnitude flutterish by my domicile would I be out of line snapping it with a towel?

    • Pearldiver profile image
      Author

      Rob Welsh 6 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time.

      Hello Candie girl, Oy yaself mate! Hope your world up there is not affected by anyone cutting your trees down this Autumn. Hope you are well and yes by all means use your towel Candie, if your spam filter is allowing such butterflies to flutterby! Of course the obscure references to 'bonking' relate to natural Springtime habits of god's creatures.... you might have noticed that it is quite hard to change nature's given urges to procreate (per birds and bees)... unless of course (irrespective of envious thoughts).. you are a Body Corpor8 committee member with a limp or no wick in your candle (heaven forbid)!! And I think you'll find that the prize candles are also meant to grasped as well as gasped Candie! You be well my friend and take good care of yourself. Thanks for reading Tom's work and your great observations.

    • Candie V profile image

      Candie V 6 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      Hahaha! I am well, and living in the area I do.. plenty of tree felling takes place regularly.. unless the spotted owl is found nesting and bonking thereabouts. How dare natures creatures continue in such a display. Me thinks maybe Mr. Plank and Mr. Post aren't participating in such activites?!?

      I have reserved a special towel.. just in case!

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 6 years ago from Southern Illinois

      I really enjoyed this well written tale of 'Tom The Cat'. Too many people think of development instead of the creatures that inhabit the earth.Patiently awaiting your next tale of greedy Body Coror8.

      Cheers

    • Pearldiver profile image
      Author

      Rob Welsh 6 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time.

      Hello again there Candie.. of course we don't have spotted owls here, though you could sometimes spot the the occasional very rare Moa... Sorry.. before the trees were hacked up for free firewood. A single snap of a roaming Moa could fetch millions and well.. there you go, as they say: 'You never know what you had until it's gone!' Sadly, that's exactly why the BumbleTown Fried Chicken shop failed and closed up! They ran out of stock after they had completely exploited the docile Moas. Yet another impotent display of practical wisdom Candie!

      I personally blame the Turkeys! There seems to be a huge influx of them in BumbleTown lately... they are attracted to BS and apparently certain members of the Limp Lily Retirement home, are reported to have found them to be very desirable, when they shake their tail feathers Candie! It's a strange world round here mate.. I'm always wary when I hear that Gobble-Gobble-Gobble noise echoing across empty spots where our native Tuis, Moas and Sparrows used to play! Very Disturbing.

      Well Candie, hope your scones don't burn and you find more creative uses for your towel... Hahaha.. Take Care.. isn't it really sad when you consider that so many trees are cut down just to produce more planks! Umm.. there's a story in that Tom!

    • Pearldiver profile image
      Author

      Rob Welsh 6 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time.

      Hi Always Exploring, thanks for reading this poem of hope that may well fall on Deaf Ears! I like that Tom the Cat, he has certainly grown in both statue and readership since he started reporting on the updownsides of Bumbletonian life and despicable scams. His next articles promise to be real beauties!

      BTW, it's not so much as the Limp Lily Retirement Park Body Corpor8 Committee (phew what a mouthful!) being greedy... it's more to do with their interference and nosy, busy body intrusions that they justify on the basis of their 'position' (which of course is a low one!)... if you get my drift. Time will tell. Looks like a bit of fur is going to fly! Take care there and be well AE.

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 6 years ago from Wales

      Hi Pearldiver,

      I loved this hub plus your sense of humour. Only one word; Great!!!!

      So very unique......

      I can't wait to read more of your work and will do so as soon as I can!!

      There doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day at the moment!!

      I push all the buttons on this one!!

      Take care,

      Eiddwen.

    • Pearldiver profile image
      Author

      Rob Welsh 6 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time.

      Hi Eiddwen,

      Thanks for taking the time to read this work and for appreciating the context of this well picked over, locally read - 'who's he talking about?' plea from our feathered friends... The Limp Lily Residents really are a strange group though and I do understand why the tree scragged the last park manager... I had to wonder really why they were so anti-trees, cats and birds.. perhaps the current park manager known as Gravity (After Sir Isaac) has at some previous stage in his shallow life.. fallen out of a tree? Oh well, aren't you lucky you guys don't live like that in Wales? I wonder if the Limp Lily Park BodyCorpor8 realize that they are known all over the world, for their lunar antics? You take care Eiddwen... Yea... Go the Birds!!!

    • thehemu profile image

      thehemu 5 years ago from New Delhi, India

      pic #1 and #2 are really hilarious.

    • Pearldiver profile image
      Author

      Rob Welsh 5 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time.

      Thehemu, thank you. I'm glad that you enjoyed this. Take Care.

    • MarkMAllen15 profile image

      MarkMAllen15 5 years ago

      What a very nice article!VOted up.

    • Pearldiver profile image
      Author

      Rob Welsh 5 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time.

      Hi Mark, thank you for your vote on this article. I am glad that you enjoyed it and appreciated the bird's plight. Although it seems that since publishing this story both Post and Plank have left the Limp Lily Park. The remaining trees are now again able to host birds. Isn't it great that nature can adapt and win in the end.

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